Verse 1:
Life comes
and I shake my head.
It amazes me.
All of this
Everything from the ground up
or from the grass roots of how we are
or where we come from; all of this
from the floor of our existence
and upwards to the limitless sky –
all of our “everything”
is amazing to me.
Still,
as beautiful as the world may be
and as amazing as the sunsets can appear
I understand.
I understand the depths
and the roots of the ugly parts, which we have
and I get the way our internal organs fail
a times.
I understand that we are a work
in progress and some progress better
some progress slower,
and some remain as they are
Stuck
and alone
and worst of all; unhappy.
I see how we move between the mindless
and the mindful moments
when we see the world around us, —and suddenly,
I wake up
and start to realize something
I am way too old
to play these games.
Verse 2:
Life comes
and people flow, in and out
like the tides from the ocean
which arrive upon the shore
and then pause
before returning to sea.
I am told that each
and every one of us
are here for a reason.
And I agree —
Every wave from the ocean
has a purpose as well.
We all have our reasons of why we come
or why we go.
We are the same as tides.
Some of people we meet
are set to arrive on our shores
to satisfy and quench the sands
and some people recede
like the outgoing tide.
Some replenish
some people come and vanish
and some leave us gifts
and some take away
far more
than they ever gave.
Some erode
Some rebuild.
Some know what they do
and some are too blind
or vain to see
their truth
which is ugly
Verse 3:
How many times
have you asked yourself
is it just me?
How many times have you
explained something,
over, and over again
and then you wondered
out loud,
“How many times can I explain this?”
Or you ask, “why can’t you
see what I see?”
I have asked the following:
What is it about what I am saying to you
that makes it too hard
for you to understand?
And I don’t mean to be condescending
when I say this
or in fairness,
maybe I am condescending.
Maybe . . .
Or maybe this is part of my ugly truths
or the interwinding’s and yes
my wires are crossed and I am mad.
Or maybe
this is a symptom
of something else.
Maybe
I have far too much on my plate . . .
. . . maybe that’s it.
Maybe I am at my whit’s end
or I’m scared that I will lose control
or that I will have to work harder
or do something that I don’t want to do
or maybe I need help
and so,
since I am vulnerable
I can become irritable.
And yes, I agree;
it takes much less energy
to “do it myself,”
than it would to explain what I need
to someone
who lacks the same vision.
But what if I don’t want to do it?
Maybe this is why I am angry.
What if the work I have is not fair to me?
Like I said
all of this
is a symptom
of something else
I’ll tell you something right now –
Vulnerability is a real bitch,
if you ask me.
But in all fairness
I know that nobody’s asking
and so this means
I have to put on my “big boy” pants
one leg at a time –
the same as everybody else
Verse 4:
Please do not confuse what people see
with truth,
because not everything that’s seen is true
and not everything true
has a way to be seen.
I am still
that boy
stuttering to read
and still afraid
of the bullies
who gather in the playground
where all the children play.
I never asked to be “like this”
Yet,
I have moved far away
from my beginning
and I have met a lot of people
who were caught in the middle.
And when I say middle
I mean I’ve met too many
who were too smart to accept what they had
and too insecure to reach harder
or work for more.
I can say
that I have met the world’s greatest
and somehow
they were unaware of their beauty.
Ca you believe this?
In my case. I have seen beauty
but they had no idea
that “this” was “them,”
They were always beautiful, the whole time.
Amazing
Beautiful as ever.
Breathtaking
If I am to be honest
then I suppose I have to be honest.
Perhaps my biggest crime
and my worst sin
is that I contributed to this.
My ugly dishonesty
is that I lent myself
to this idea
with fears that if
“this person” knew who they are
or if they knew how great they are,
then, in my heart
I believed that someone like them
would never waste their time
with “someone like me.”
Verse 5:
And lastly,
how many times
have you given yourself
to someone?
And when I say “given,”
I use the word to emphasize
the meaning behind
what it means
to give someone your all
or your “your everything!”
How many times have you given your
mind, body, and soul
and come back with nothing?
Ah but yes,
the pendulum swings
to both ends of the spectrum
to expose either side of our perspective.
How many times have you settled?
Or how many times
have assumed “oh well,
I guess that this is good enough?
How many times did you know
that you deserved more?
You knew better
but for some reason
you settled for less.
How many times have you
grabbed on to someone
just to fill the void?
And you tried –
yet, you withheld love
yet, you wanted love
but you failed yourself
and so in the end
there was no love
and what’s more
the hole you tried to get out of
dug itself
deeper and seemingly
you grow lonelier
above all other things
Or how many times have you
or someone you know
gone back to an old flame?
How many times
did you or someone you know
get burned again?
And you know . . .
. . . the worst part is
you got burned worse
because you were burned twice
and that’s when you shake yourself
and you realized
“I should have learned the first time!”
How many times
have you forgotten
the twofold truth about love?
And the truth is
that love is both mutual
and reciprocal?
Love moves.
Always
Love is always growing,
and love both expands and contracts
and love thumps
the same as our heart thumps
to pulse the blood
through our veins.
This is our lifeline
like it
or not.
This is our truth
as well.
So, I suppose the question is
how many times
have you given yourself to someone
only to come back broken
or empty handed?
It is not my task
nor is it my drive to teach the world
how to love or how to be loved.
And I will leave this last fact here
with you
because nor is it your job
to teach an old dog
new tricks.
I do believe, however
that love
does not come with a timeline
because in my heart;
I believe that love is truly timeless.
At least,
I can say this about true love.
I am far from sinless
and if you and I are being honest
with each other;
you are not sinless either.
I don’t ever want to settle again
and although I grow old
and forgotten too much;
I have grown old enough to realize
the fountain of youth
is this—
Your hand in mine,
mine in yours
and of course,
there are the endless innuendos
and the general silliness
of how we joke and smile
because of course
this is the only thing
that keeps us young
The Written Addiction 