The best saying I have ever heard is “sometimes being bad feels pretty good.”
And I do confirm. Sometimes being bad does feel pretty good.
I stand behind the belief that sometimes you have to defy the rules.
You have to go against the odds. You have to experience what it feels like to lose your mind.
I swear.
You have to howl.
You have to scream and most of all, you have to dance until sweat pours from your body.
This is a must.
You have to come to a point where the music takes hold of you.
Let this happen . . .
Your everyday life will not miss you if you take some time off.
This is true.
I say this a a person who understands the meaning of being in a state or duress, or distress, and despair.
The life we live is all too heavy at times.
I’m sure you know this too; and I believe that you know this well.
There are days when life is all too real, and all too consuming, and there are instances where all around us is too sad.
We have to stop this from gaining weight or spinning out of control
We have to be careful of this because we can be drawn in by the undertow and taken out by the tides to be washed out to sea.
Of course, I say this in a figurative sense.
But, I’m sure you catch my drift . . .
(no pun intended)
it is easy to drown in thin air.
I know –
and it’s even easier to drown in the swamps of your emotional quicksand.
So, then what do we do?
We can’t fix anything.
Everything behind us is broken or no longer in existence.
So?
Now what?
My answer is I don’t know.
But I wish I knew.
All I know is that life is happening.
right now.
No one can tell you otherwise.
Unless, of course, this is a dream.
But if this is a dream, then I say make it a good one because the alternative is a nightmare.
And to be clear, I am sure we have all had enough nightmares for one lifetime.
If I could, or if I could do anything in my power, or if the chance came and I was asked for a “do-over,” or a moment when I could relive a night or a moment in time; I can say there are nights and days and times that took place where I would be sure to look up.
There’s a great big heaven above us.
And all of this is equally beautiful.
I say the surroundings we share are like the seasonings that flavor our food for thought.
I need this.
I need more seasoning.
I need more flavor for my upcoming life.
And to be clear, I don’t know the hour and the day.
I could lose again and I could lose worse this time tomorrow.
So if this is what I have, then this is what I have because if it were up to me, I would have everything in my reach and I would do anything I could to pull you closer. And yes, as soon as you were closer, I would do anything I could to pull you closer still . . .
and once more,
I’d do it all over again because if the case turned and you had to go, at least I could smell your body on my skin, and to me, this would be heaven.
God, I love her. I love everything about her.
I love her toes. I love her ankles.
I love the idea of being them as well.
I love her hips. I love her thighs.
I love her stomach, exactly the way it is . . .
I love her chest. I love her shoulders.
I love the way her back appears to me when I stand behind her.
In fact, I love everything about her.
I even love the things that she does not love about herself.
And those are the things that I love most about her.
If I could relive or redo things, I would be sure not to ignore the moon.
I would be sure to dance.
I would be sure to take in the heat of the moment and allow myself to submit to the time, to give way, to give in, and without hesitation, I would drown in her features so that I could bask in the afterlife of her in my soul.
I know that there are places I have seen, which I failed to take in the compliments of the stars and the scenery.
I have been to beautiful ports and places of interest and yet, they were uninteresting because I allowed myself to be caught by the tides of sad, or depressive thinking.
If I could redo these moments or have a chance to face this again; I know that I would take advantage of every second.
I would be sure to understand that youth is fleeting and so is life.
I would recognize that our time is short.
Life is nothing but a moment amassed and gathered at the end of our days and relived in a split second, before we sleep.
Our final dreams are dependent upon our recollections of what we did with the here and now.
This is life and life is all too real and yet, life can be all too surreal.
And yes, be sure that the Devil plays his tricks to keep us guessing or keep us stuck.
The Devil loves when we miss our chances.
This makes us weaker and causes us to look for more deals to be brokered by his demons and be circumvented by deceit, which is also known as the fine print, which we all fail to read.
I don’t think I will ever take another moment for granted.
Yet, I still do and you do too.
We take too much for granted.
We let too much time get between us.
And we sell ourselves short too often.
We seem to forget that the big, grandfather clock is always ticking and sooner than we realize, our time together will come to an end.
Please, Dear God.
I don’t want to miss more than I already have.
The morning is here but the evening comes too quickly.
There are billions of people in this world .
Literally billions . . .
I suppose the real shame of this is that we’ve all wasted too much time, surrounded by the wrong people or the worst ones or the ones who never dared, never inspired, or never caused us to realize that music from the heart is in our soul. And so this means that you and I can dance anywhere and at any time.
I need my life to be like this . . .
I do not care who watches.
I do not care of I am the fool who looks to dance in the rain.
I don’t care if no one else hears the music from my heart—except for you, of course. But I know that it’s out there.
I want to go.
I want to run.
I want to sing at the top of my lungs.
I want to explore and even more, I want to let myself go as wild and as crazy as possible without thinking, without the worry or discomfort of who might see me or who might watch (or judge me.)
I do not need too much. Not anymore.
I don’t need the mansion or the yacht.
I don’t need a big band or anything that money can buy because what I want is something that money cannot buy.
I could pay my way through a thousand lifetimes and none of them would afford the love of my life because she is priceless.
I know, and I also know that no gifts can by or impress her.
The only way to her heart is through my own.
I know this now.
I want to be happy.
I want love. I want her.
I want the kind of love that my thirst and my lust becomes insurmountable and so, the girl of my dreams (or my dream girl) could not walk by me without me chasing her down or grabbing her.
And rest assured, it would take me no more than two seconds within seeing her, and immediately, I would be sure to have her naked, even if she just got dressed.
I see it all now.
And I see it all clearly.
We waste time on insignificant things and insignificant ideas and we waste our time and our energy on the unimportant versions of life.
I cannot live with a jealous heart. But I do understand jealousy.
I understand this the same as I understand insecurity.
My aim is as follows.
Be sure.
Be clear.
everything is temporary—at least, to some degree.
Everything can turn and everything can change and the people here today can be gone before tomorrow.
This is life.
I know what it means to be angry or to speak out of anger. I know all about regret and I know how it is to damage someone (or something) and lose my chance to make things right again.
This is why I say that now, or this time, I will never let there be a next time; unless, the next time is with you somewhere that even God goes to vacation.
I had to come to a moment of clarity.
I had to lose everything
Or maybe I had to lose everything to come to a moment of awareness that when you have the chance, make it work.
Make this a time to remember.
I do love you.
I always will.
I cannot unlove you.
I cannot unsee you either, which is what fuels my dreams.
The only heartbreak is when i wake up alone, and you are no longer near me.
This hurts. . . .
When you have someone to hold, hold them without any uncertainty and yes, to hell with your doubts and fears.
What have doubts and fears done for us anyway?
Never settle.
I read something somewhere that said:
“Love the one who loves you,” and while I can appreciate the sentiment, and while I appreciate the energy—I have to disagree.
Love the one you love.
love them fully , totally, and heartily.
Love with all of your heart and all of your might, even if it hurts.
Never let a minute go by where they are uncertain of you and never let them question their value.
Never let them be unaware of how beautiful they are to you,
Show them.
Show them what they do to you.
When you love someone, love them.
I have had to learn this the hard and lonely way.
but at least i learned.
When you love someone –
It is your responsibility to ensure that they never question your heart of your soul.
Most of life is out of our control.
We have no control over other people, places, and things.
Manage whatever is within your power and let your love know that no, “no one else could ever take your place!”
I swear . . .
It will rain when you need the sun.
Believe this.
But be advised, there will be days when the rain falls as heavy as a waterfall—and the streets are vacant, due to the storm
I want us to see this is an opportunity.
This is a chance to be with someone you love and make every quiet second you spend together echo with the sounds of lovemaking or laughing, eating, napping closely, and repeating the process until the rain dries up and goes away.
This is a great way to spend the day.
I understand that age happens and that health causes us to eat carefully. But if we go, then we have to go; and if we have to go, then we have to eat like royalty.
Always . . .
There is no way that you or I can do this over and since there will be no sequel, I have made it a point to remove myself from the person I was.
My past has to go away.
Therefore, I have removed myself from the people I can no longer be around.
And so,
if I am with you, then I am with you.
And if I love you, then I love you.
And if we should come together or should the powers that be allow us the time to dance or celebrate once again, —please know that I will dance and sing and let myself enjoy every second and every inch, every step and everything we share together.
I need to walk down the beach in Florida. There is a place where I’ve walked where you have not been.
at least, not with me
I want to show you this place because this place has a special history with me. And I know that none of me will be “all of me” unless I dare to share all of this with you.
I cannot waste another moment.
I cannot lose another day. And so, I refuse to let anything about us go unsaid.
I love you.
There are no words greater than these three.
and there is nothing better to hear than these three words
(from you)
I love the way you feel. I’m sorry.
I can’t help myself
I love the feel of your skin and the sensations I get when I hear your voice or your laugh.
I love the fact that I cannot resist you, or that I cannot take it when I see you, and because of this, I have to take you wherever you stand.
I am not next to you or beside you and nor am I going to have the chance to walk with you or see you, —at least, not at the moment and not today.
But I can promise you one thing with all that I have, —and that promise is when I see you, I will hold you in the most unquestionable ways.
Just know, if and when you return and if you hold me back. I will make myself extremely clear
I have travelled too far and gone nowhere.
I have spent too much time with the wrong people.
I have settled before. I have settled too many times and no, I refuse to ever do this again.
I have negotiated and compromised my worth and my value and as sad as it is; I admit that I sold my dreams to have “something” in fear that I would end up with nothing.
I have learned that having something that I don’t want is worse than having nothing at all.
And so,
I would rather have no one if I cannot have you.
Just know-
I have made too many mistakes.
I cannot allow letting you go be another one.
So, I call out my soul and confess to my sins.
I was wrong. Dead wrong.
I apologize. I am sorry for all of my mistakes.
I can’t say that I will never sin again or make mistakes
But I will never live as I did again.
NEVER.
And while apologies cannot always make things right; I can say that when I am given the chance, I will grab hold of us and our opportunity and live this moment with you to the finest limits possible.
I am sorry.
none of the above can or will be filtered.
But, another thing, —whenever it happens, I promise that the next shower we take together will be out of this world. And the one after will be beyond the one before.
And so on
And so on
And so on
it’s true.
being bad does feel pretty good
but being crazy feels even better
that is, of course, when you have the chance
to go crazy
with the person you love.
I love you
and nothing can ever change that
now
The Written Addiction 