But Teacher, I Am Trying (My Best)

And suddenly, I am someone else and jettisoned to someplace warm, like say,
away from all the useless small talk and the nonsense that takes place in our everyday journey.
I have this dream.
That’s all.
It’s nothing huge or crazy.
This is more simple than it seems.
I swear it is.

And just like that, I realize that this is all it takes.
There’s no big secret.
It doesn’t take much to find some kind of sanity or at least a semblance of normalcy.
That is, of course, if there is such a thing
as being normal.

I am told that common sense is not so common anymore.
But what is common nowadays?
We all see the world from our own perspective.
Some people grow up with early Sunday dinners.
Some grow up with less.
Some grow up with more.
And some live their entire lives without opening their eyes to the world around them.

Or like Bukowski once wrote, “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
And yes, I agree with this.
Some people never let themselves go.
Some women never learn what it means to let their hair down.
Some live their life with extreme caution.
Some never love.
Some never live.
Some never dare and some will live their life without ever knowing what it means to see their favorite band play music in a stadium.

Either way, I’m done.

I am done with the daily controversies and the everyday politics.
I am done with the left-wing or right-wing rhetoric and I am done with the back-and-forth finger pointing and blame-shifting because as far as I’m concerned, if we crash then we all crash. And as far as I can see—we’re all going to go down with the ship with no exclusions . . .

I am not on the right or the left side of politics. No, I like to say that I am the heart, which is in the middle. I am a working class man.
I am someone who has to lace my boots and pull my pants up on a daily basis. I have no special privileges.
I have bills to pay, alimony, child support, rent, insurance and taxes as well. And taxes are a bitch!
They seem to remind me that no matter who I work for, Uncle Sam will always come for his cut and take his pound of flesh first, before anyone else gets their share.
The tax man is just like the mob or the mafia of old because at the end of the month, the vig is due.
And you know what a vig is, don’t you?
Vig as in short for “vigorish”, as in the percentage or ‘points” or the interest rate on a loan—and just like any loan shark on the street, or no different from a bookie who looks to settle his collections to make sure he’s all paid up from his losers, you can all rest assured that the tax man cometh.
The tax man comes without fail.
The IRS is like The Good Book says, no one knows the hour or the day. Not the Angels of Heaven or even The Son.
Only the tax man knows.
Or like it says in Mark 13:35
Keep watch, for ye does not know when the master of the house cometh . . .
End of the month and the master of the house comes for his share.
Or hers.
But for the record, I stay out of the pronoun or gender debates.

Master. Ah the word.
The word has so many meanings to me and in some cases, I can say that being the master can be fun.
But I have no need to change this into a sexual discussion and furthermore, I have lost more than my share to different masters and mistresses in the past.

However those are masters and mistresses of control.
I am looking for a different master.
I am looking to master my own self. I am looking to master the upcoming change in my brand-new life.

And just like that, I am somewhere else because I am someone else.
That is if I can pull my trick and make it successful
It’s as simple as a decision.
This is a mindset.
I am putting this out into the Universe because I am told that once this gets out there, the Universe can understand my intentions.
And so, here it goes.

I need to change the scene.
I need a new script.
I need a new change with new people, places, and things.

I need a good night out with loud music, bright lights, and to dance like never before. I need to let my feet go or to “trip the light fantastic,” which means to dance and feel joy and more than anything; this means to not care about what comes or goes.
But in all, I want a moment of greatness.
I do.
I want to live in that moment and celebrate the seconds and the minutes and yes, of course; I want to enjoy the hours and the day.

I know what I want.
And I know what it looks like.

Or like now, I am closing my eyes while I type this to you.
I am using a process called visualization.
I can see it now, me at the wheel of my own boat.

The sun is high and strong. The waves are friendly and the sea is generous enough to allow me to pass safely.
I can see the overhead birds following me to see if I might toss anything aside for them to swoop down across the face of the ocean and offer them a snack from my bait tank.

I am free at last.
I have land on my port side, and the ocean is on the starboard. I am heading southeast.
The sky is blue. And to be clear about this; the world is just as fucked up as it is right now. Only, the difference between my dreams and now is I have a destination and a goal to achieve.
I have an ocean waiting to greet me like Moms do when their son returns home.

I have a retirement to think about.
And yes, this will be my greatest exit strategy ever!
I promise.
I have a future to achieve and a life that I am looking to change.

I often think about the ex-pats or people who leave their country to go live on some remote island—like say, south of the border, somewhere off the coast of Baja and Mexico.

I can do that.
Absolutely, I can.
I don’t need the heavy-duty drama or the fast-paced bullshit.
I don’t need the big house or the yard, which competes with the neighbors around my town.
Fuck them . . .

All I need is a sunrise that lights the sky on an early morning and a sunset that allows the heavens to take a bow after leading me through another beautiful day.

It’s been a minute since I flown somewhere south.
And I might not be in the market for such a thing at the moment, —but no one knows what tomorrow will bring.
And who knows?
Maybe tomorrow will bring me some good fortune, or if anything; maybe tomorrow will bring me enough for two first class tickets to the best place in the world.

One seat for me
The other is for you
and just like that, we can be somewhere else

I like it.