What is it now, I ask.
If you think or look back, what do you see?
How does our life look now that all the lights have faded?
The bridges we burn cannot light our way anymore.
Some people say that this leads them to feel “stuck” and if you ask me, nothing is worse than being “stuck.”
The dust of our past has settled down after a late afternoon rain and the brutal heat of summertime was broken by a storm to crack the humidity.
Do you understand this?
Do you remember the summer?
What about the storms that made the sky turn dark and crazy when the humidity was too much?
I say this with hopes that you can recognize my analogy and relate this to how this relates to us.
See?
This relates to life as we know it because sometimes, the tension from our mutual heat and humidity is enough to become unbearable and cause a storm.
Understand?
Life happens in a way and yes, I can see why Isaac Newton said for every action, there is a reaction. I can see why heat can create our own madness and how the cold of winter can cause us to retract or search for something warmer than, say, a good cup of coffee at one of the coffee spots on Lexington Avenue.
Of course, I want substance. I want life.
I want more.
Or more to the point, I want something substantial.
I want a life with earth beneath it and grass to grow.
I want my trees to have branches and the branches to have leaves. Or better yet, I want each branch and each leaf to have a story of their own.
Come to think of it, there was an old man from my youth who’d always answer the question “What’s shakin” with an answer that never left my memory.
He’d say, “Ain’t nothing shaking but the leaves in the trees and they wouldn’t be shaking if it wasn’t for the breeze.”
I suppose this was his way of telling me that life is life, and the world is the world.
People are people.
Time is time.
And more importantly, I assume this was his own version of what’s called “The Serenity Prayer.’
So, rather than say “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference,” this old man chose to keep it simple.
Ain’t nothing shaking but the leaves in the trees
And they wouldn’t be shaking if it wasn’t for the breeze.
I agree . . .
We are all far too complicated and overwhelmed with our interactive dramas. These are the problems and struggles that cause ripples in our pools that can never be tranquil.
Our so-called pools are used here as a metaphor.
Understand?
Our seas are often too rough because we shake the boat.
We throw fits or brat-attacks.
And for what?
I do not have the faith, like, say, that I can walk on water.
I do not have faith that I can float if I choose to let go “and let God” the same way it was suggested to me.
I have fears.
I have worries.
I have a misled idea that somehow, I am too flawed or too misshaped to be beautiful or deserve “Someone like you.”
And, so . . .
I destroyed everything.
I blew up the world and detonated on impact, so this way, my fears could be right (already) and the anticipation of my disaster would be behind me.
But no,
Nothing is behind me.
I understand the loss of control or the fears that somehow, and without pressure or input of our concern, Isaac Newton’s theory was right.
An item at rest will remain at rest, and an item in motion will remain in motion and with the same velocity and in the same direction, unless acted upon by an unbalanced and external force.
I am definitely external.
And I am certainly unbalanced.
This is for sure.
I cannot control the direction of the breeze. I cannot control whether the snowfall outside my window will accumulate more than my back or my snow shovel can take at this moment.
I am certainly not an item at rest and so, neither are you, and nor is anyone around us, for that matter.
However, I understand what it’s like to worry about the changes that come or the powers that be.
I understand fears of, say, someone or something unbalanced coming along to disturb our direction.
No one asks to be sick.
No one asks to come from the doctor and have their test results come back with unfortunate news about their health.
I know.
I realize that time teaches us new tricks, even if you and I are old dogs, —and I say this because the old saying that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks is bullshit.
I swear Teacher, I am trying
(my best)
I never thought I would be the same age as old people.
And I can’t say that I know when this happened.
But it did.
Or something even better, I never thought that I would reach an age when I was older than my doctors.
But I have.
And I am . . .
I know what happens when we leave stones unturned and even more, I know what’s worse and how the worst can happen when we fail to speak or leave our truths unsaid.
I love you.
I really do.
Dear Teacher,
I have been up at this blackboard for more than 53 years now.
I have learned the following.
Do not be afraid to dare the edge.
Do not be afraid to step away from the box that other people have kept you in.
Do not be afraid to love.
Or better yet; never be afraid to live, love, laugh, and learn.
This is the value of your mental health.
Nothing can (or should) ever compromise this
So, don’t let this happen.
Do not be afraid to alter or change your mind.
Feel free to change your direction.
Do not be cowardly when your questions of whether to go left or right are deterred with fear—and, so please, I beg you.
Do not let yourself go against your truth.
Never spite yourself.
If you love someone, tell them.
If you are afraid, tell the right person why.
If something goes wrong or you try or you slip and fall; just know that taking a shot is pretty damned glorious. This is a victory because there is no victory in quitting before you even tried.
Dare . . .
Dare everything because you know where you want to be and you know what your heart wants.
You know when you fit somewhere and when you don’t.
Do not betray this.
Be loyal to your truth.
Do not let yourself go against your heart because the fact is; a day will come when you ask yourself, “What would my life be like if I dared to follow my dreams?”
And if you ask me, nothing is more unfortunate than not knowing the answer to questions like this.
I don’t care what it takes or what has to happen.
Make it so.
I will tell you this –
Victory goes to those who dare the odds.
And yes, victory goes to those who dare to compete against the greatest competitors of all time.
There is no defeat in being the underdog.
I say this because at least the underdog has the balls to get in the ring and fight with all they have.
And so, since time is undefeated and since fate and destiny remain unbeaten, then I say understanding the battlefield is the only way to win your war.
Know where your enemies are.
Know where your friends are
And know that the above are often the same, if not interconnected, in some way.
Know this—
You know yourself better than you think.
You know your truths.
You know where your heart is and where your body is, and yes, you know when the two places are not the same—this means your body is somewhere and yet, your heart is elsewhere.
Do not let this be you.
Do not settle.
Always seek the appropriate help.
Only tell your story to those who deserve to hear it and remember, just because someone is willing to listen to you, it doesn’t mean that they are a friend and that they deserve your attention or your time.
Remember something:
Any port in the storm is just another port in the storm, —and so, if your current port is not your desired destination, then please —sail on as soon as you can.
Go
Set sail for your place because you are more than just an item.
However, an item at rest will remain at rest and an item in motion shall remain in motion, unless altered.
This means settling for less than your dream will lead you to live an unbalanced life and in an unbalanced world.
It is inaccurate to say that I am not trying.
However –
It is accurate to say that I have misused my time.
I am sorry for this.
I have also misused people, places, and things, which only makes me honest and no more (or less) guilty than most of the people we know.
It is inaccurate to say that I am not giving my all. And it is wrong to say that I am not doing my best.
However, there are times when I feel as if I am at my worst and thus, the best I can do is get out of bed in the morning.
I might not have answers.
I might not like what I have to face.
But I get up.
I get out of bed, regardless of my emotions or the ideas that trick me into thinking about quitting.
I do this by any means, and I make sure to “clock in” and punch my time card to prove my appearance.
Sure, I’ll stand up to be counted.
I’ll stand up to fight back.
And dig it . . .
I know about our dreams that have been deferred.
I know what happens when we betray ourselves and lose sight of the big picture.
This is a bitch. I know.
I cannot say that I always trust the process or that I have faith.
I can say that fear is an excellent motivator, and yet, fear is easily misread and misleading.
Fear is why we look to control or to keep our items at rest or otherwise in motion.
I have not seen my old friend since my last time at 134th Street and Willis Avenue.
He is long gone now.
His life killed him
But he was right.
Ain’t nothing shaking but the leaves in the trees.
And they wouldn’t be shaking if it wasn’t for the breeze.
Life is life
I am me.
You are you
And somehow, here we are.
It’s sowing this morning.
The world is a beautiful place so,
let’s not mess things up with our ugly bullshit
Okay?
The Written Addiction 