1)
It has been said by many, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.
I was told that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
I beg to differ.
I think of these things.
I think about the wild and the elusive nature of love or how love is far more complex and yet so simple.
The heart knows where it wants to be.
Yet, somehow, fears and insecurity are the culprits that cause us to deny ourselves the beautiful pleasure of opening up.
We fail to launch.
We fail to allow someone to come close, so that two can blossom as one.
And so, additionally, —two people who’ve been marked by the stars and intended to meet out of the billions of other possibilities can be healed from the cold.
If we let this happen.
And if we do, we can stand apart from the lonesome, and be accompanied in a way that only one person can prove that yes—two people can be connected in such a way that only the stars can define.
And fate?
Fate knows the rules.
Destiny too.
And so,
I wait.
2)
It was years ago or more like decades. I was young and so unaware of what this change would create.
This was my first dance, so-to-speak
Do you know what I mean?
Nothing is as unforgettable.
Like, say, the first time you tasted the best flavor and how you never forgot what that tasted like.
Yes. I think this is a great way to describe what I mean.
It was years ago, and I remember how quick it was.
The first time . . .
I remember the way I sunk into flesh and felt my extension meet her gates.
This is the high that beats any drug and equally, this is the high that keeps us coming back for more.
Nothing beats this.
Nothing.
I remember the overwhelming sensation as I entered her body.
I could feel this swirling sensation that swarmed the nerves of my tip as I entered.
I was about to change.
Everything was about to change because I was about to know what it feels like to be with a girl in the most sexual, and desirable way.
I suppose the action is simple.
The back and forth motion repeats itself, which is to head in as far as my extension can go, and then pull out accordingly, but not quite as far.
In again.
And then out.
In and out.
I understood something very different.
I understood the madness of man and the reasons behind jealousy. Suddenly, it made sense how wars were fought for the love of a woman’s hand.
And beauty?
Her concepts are astounding.
Or when it comes to the sweet smell and the gentle aroma of “her,” I was mesmerized.
But I had no idea that this was only the beginning.
This was just an experience.
I didn’t know what would come or how I would feel when the moment turned perfect.
I can see this now, of course
I understand this and the scent of her, which is more than just the smell of her skin.
But even more, I could feel the way her body turned wet when I began to touch her with my fingers.
I remember her sounds when I slid my fingers in, circling the opening with a gentle poke, and there it was, a need like never before.
I knew I needed to be in there
and I suppose she knew the same thing too.
Back when I was young and on my first journey –
I was not in the act for more than a few minutes.
And when the thunder from my body roared and the eruption took place, I remember thinking that this . . . this has to be the best feeling known to man.
And if I am being fair or at least honest, I had felt this self-propelled eruption before.
But this was different.
I was not alone. This was not a solo mission of sexual curiosity and now, adding flavor, I experienced the feeling that only a woman can give.
This is beautiful
3)
If I am being honest, then I should be honest enough to say that I have never been comfortable in my skin.
I have always been insecure.
I have never been secure with my body, or my shape, or size.
I admit to this.
I admit that my discomfort of living with envy was debilitating to say the least.
No one talks about these things.
No one talks about the things that give them a rise or, in the case where my tastes and flavors differ from the norm, most people keep their fantasies to themselves.
I don’t feel the need to hide anything anymore.
And so
I have fantasies.
I have thoughts and ideas.
I have dreams and desires.
I have wants and needs.
I have cravings too, as if to be this thing inside of me that is building like a tidal wave, untamable or unhealable.
And yes, I can say this is me.
I can say that my thirst and hunger has not diminished.
Only, I have to admit that everything about my hunger and my thirst has changed.
I am only fit for one person.
I do not believe in “Any port in the storm.”
I do not believe that anyone can either excite me or incite me to riot.
No one can turn me on the same as the one true girl, who otherwise makes me crazy.
In fact –
I am more crazy now in her absence because when I hear her or see her and dream about our intimacy, at least for the moment, I am healed.
I do not believe there is an antidepressant or a painkiller as effective as the feeling you have when you look at the face of your love
And you see their eyes . . .
You feel this “thing” inside of you.
No one can make you as crazy, strong, or as uncontrollable as the one person who makes you weak
I swear.
4)
I am no stranger to heartbreak.
Then again, no one gets away without feeling the pains from a broken heart.
And yes, I agree—
The thing that killed you the most is the owner of the only voice that can save you.
She is the only brand of narcotic that can cure the withdrawal
Nothing else works
No one else can stop the way you feel or fill the void or stand in as if to be a place-holder, or some kind of substitute.
You can try.
But your body knows where it belongs.
And so does your heart.
You can try to dance and sway with someone else, but when it comes down to it, only one person out of billions can stop you in your tracks
I know this because I have memorized her outlines and detailed every mark on her body.
5)
It’s been more than two years since I found myself on my own.
Well . . .
So, what now?
It’s been nearly three years if I’m being honest and yes, time will add and the years will pass.
I know this.
I know that my yesterday grows more distant, same as we are distant from the warmth of the sun in wintertime.
Our side of the Earth tilts farther away in winter.
This happens until the spring comes and slowly, we start to thaw as we make our way back towards the sun.
It’s been years now.
And I know that this had to happen.
I needed the lesson.
Fate plays tricks.
I know
Destiny does this too.
I know that the lies I pretended were true would eventually find their way to the light.
I know that nothing happens without the blessings of fate and destiny, to which I assume, the world has something different in store for me.
I laugh though.
I shake my head.
I think back to the first time when I felt the feelings of a girl and earned my first sexual experience.
I don’t know if I get better with age,
I know that my body is not like a machine gun or like it was when I was younger and able to fire another round as fast as before.
I know this too, —that love is to be enjoyed.
She is to be savored
Not rushed.
And trust me, I have planned our next episode . . .
Alone, or not.
Trust me, here I come.
6)
Nothing compares to you.
I just thought you should know this
Nothing ever has and nothing ever will.
Nothing compares to the sound of your voice when you are intimate or how you moan when you are about to explode.
Nothing in the world matches you
And no one comes close to you.
It is my determined choice that no matter what happens, and no matter how hard I have to claw and fight, or beg, borrow, and steal; when the time comes and you let me, I swear to you –
I am never letting go.
I am never going to stop.
I know this
Not even my dying breath can stop my heart from beating for you.
I know . . .
. . . I’m crazy
But I’ve been called worse things.
And to be honest,
I’m not crazy
I’m in love
No matter how the world spins and no matter how much time goes between us, I see you the same as I saw you when I was young
No one in this world is more beautiful than you.
No one in this world can make me growl like an animal
except you.
No one can make me as hungry either
Or starving. . .
which is why, I would eat you whole
and ask for seconds
every chance I get
The Written Addiction 