The meds from last night hit me hard.
My grogginess was amazing to me.
Literally.
I could hardly understand my whereabouts, yet I am where I am because I was where I was.
This is for sure.

The handcuffs are figurative but tight. Then again, so is the reality of fiction and so are the details of today’s courtroom proceedings.
Here we we go, I suppose.
Such is life under the watchful eyes of those who study the inmates in our private Alcatraz.
But ah, the benefits of the accusers and how they try to lead me with their advantages.

And so, I have to ask . . .
What have you seen that made you change the way you see the world?
What happened?
What changed? Or what snapped?
What broke and never went back into place?

It has always been hard for me to believe in the terms of God, or God the Father. It has always been too curious for me to look around and see the hurt or the destruction of our everyday life.
How could there be something all-knowing, and all-great, yet here we are, living on this rock, which is third from the sun.

Are you who I think you are?
I am . . .
And in walks the devil without remorse for the fire.

The guards told me to be on the lookout.
They said you could appear at any moment.
They tell me you feel at home here.

Well . . .
Here I am.
I can see that.

And in he comes –
just like that.

Beware the smiles you see, I was told.
Not all of them are friendly.

Be careful who you listen to, I was told.
Everybody has an angle.
Everyone has their own truth.

Tread carefully . . .
The weather gets rough from time to time.
I heard the guards whistle this morning. I assume this was one of their many codes to warn one another.
But I don’t know.
At least, not for sure.

I remember hearing two of the more famous questions, back when I was a kid. “What the hell were you thinking?”
The second question was “Why?” to which yes, of course my stock answer was always the typical, “I don’t know!”
Maybe this was age appropriate. Or maybe there’s truth to the saying that I have run away more as an adult than I ever did when I was a kid.
Maybe it’s hard to make better choices when our minds are elsewhere.
Or maybe we act accordingly.

If I’m being honest, I knew why I did what I did.
And I knew what I was thinking. .

The mind is the trick.
I know.
And as for thoughts?
Our thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings.
Emotion is emotion and life is life.
We both understand this.

I know that we are all involved in this big project which I often call Project Earth.
And therefore, what i tell you is something that I have to tell you.
I have to say this because leaving this unsaid would be another sin for me to face.

Dear Mom,

I know it’s been a while since my last letter to you. I suppose so much has happened that I don’t know where to begin. Then again, I find myself like I often do. I am a stranger in a familiar territory and here I am once more, facing a new beginning and another learning curve.
But like you always told me, this is life.

December, and the year is moving towards the end. So much has happened and yet, I am in the same place and doing the same things, and somehow, the year is about to change. I have seen more than my share this year. I have lived as much as I have died. But then again, this is life, which is what I always say.
This is life. We live a little and we die a little.

The world is turning right now. So much is happening as we speak and yet, the oddness of being still or waiting for something to come can be enough to drive someone crazy.