I suppose the start of anything can be the hardest part. And here we are at the beginning. Or wait, no.
Here I am, wondering what it’s going to take for me to get from here to there or what it will take to get me from start to finish.
This is a going to be a good journal for me,
at least I hope so.
Take the ideas of a personal project, for example.
Or think about the cost of a gym or a workout plan.
Think about the goal to be fit and in shape.
Close your eyes, if this helps.
Think about the best physical version of you. Now, think about what this looks like, and next comes question, “What’s it gonna take?”
Author Archives: bennyk1972
So, What’s it Gonna Take?
I am here again. But I am not here against my will or would I call this a crossroads or an impasse. And no, this is not an accident either.
I think where I am is both accurate and justly deserved.
However, I would never say that I know what I’m doing or that I am an authority on anything in any way. In fact, I can only say that I have see what I have seen and that I know what I know.
At the same time, I have to understand that life is subjective, memory is often a liar, and that like billions of others who lied and died before me, I am often tricked by the deception of my perception.
I know this.
I know that not everything is as it seems.
I know that I have often misunderstood, misread, and misdiagnosed problems of the heart or troubles of the soul.
And Then What
And you start to wonder simple things
like, is this trip
really worth it?
Is all of this
really necessary?
Or, could most of this
have been avoided?
Has all of this meant
what it was supposed to mean?
And this is a great question.
Or wait,
after all this and after all that went on,
did I do what I wanted to do,
or did I do what I had to?
And Then What
And so, I was told
if you don’t want anyone to know something
then don’t tell anybody
and then your secret will be safe with me.
I get that now.
I was told that there are people
who can keep a secret
and manage to keep their cards
close to their vest (so no one sees)
and on the opposite side,
we all know
there are people who you can
and people who you cannot trust.
And Then What
I will say this in two parts
which means that yes,
I have a lot to say
and yes,
this was inspired by different people
and for different reasons.
1)
In the beginning
the darkness was more confusing
than the sunlight
after my first night after I slept
in a room where sick people live.
And Then What?
I can see why they tell me
the definition of insanity
is both the absence of reason
or to be a bit more simple or simpler
and direct or to the point,
I understand how insanity means
doing the same things
over and over again
and expecting different results.
And yes,
I do this.
I do this
all the time.
And Then What
I’d like to show you something.
If I may, that is.
Then again,
of course . . .
you wouldn’t be here
if you weren’t interested.
Here. See?
This is small
or maybe not much
(to some people)
but this is all I have,
or so I believe.
Or maybe this is bigger
than anything
I have ever dared to share
or show anyone before.
And Then What
I think it is important
to know that at some point,
you have to allow yourself
to go crazy.
You know?
You have to let your body free
and feel how it feels
to defy the senses
or be wild enough
to steer away from complacency.
And Then What?
There is something that I know for sure
which is the fact that
it is tough to be down
especially when you know
you have to get back up.
Nothing to me
is quite like the sunrise
or as hopeful,
like when the sun
evolves like an orange yolk
in the palm of tomorrow’s
great horizon.
None is like this
None.
And Then What?
1)
I sit still in my thoughts
and lay silently
beneath a sea of stars,
late summer
and the world is on fire.
I lay resting in some kind
of infused world now
which has become new to me
without expectation.
And I say new
but somehow, I know
this was always intended.
The Written Addiction 