I am not sure.
I don’t know what there is about me.

I don’t know why I made it as far as I have or why I escaped, or why I got away and other people remained stuck or jammed in the same position.
I am not sure why it was me who survived, at least in some regards.
Either way, I can say that I have outrun at least some of my demons.

They say that this is life. And so, it goes.
They say that life happens to everyone. And so, it goes.

They tell me that some people are fortunate and some are less fortunate. Some are born from lucky gene pools, and some are born with natural talents and abilities that provide them with lifelong financial comfort.
I disagree that we are all created equally.
If this were so, then I would be far better when I train in Jiu-Jitsu classes, and my striking and stand-up would be enough for me to walk in to the best fight promotions in the world and be a top contender.
But no.
That’s not me.

I have met people who might slip by, unknown, or unassumed, and no one would ever guess that they would be as great as they are. I have met angels in women’s clothing and men who wore the invisible armor as saints. Yet, no one would know who they were, at least not by looking at them. No one would know because people like this never tell on themselves and say hey, I am here because fate sent me to you.
I swear, the best heroes are humble.

I have been told about the way I look or appear. I have been told by different professionals and by teachers and administrators that they were surprised to hear me speak the way I do. I have had the honor of speaking to crowds from a professional standpoint, to which I was told that because of how I looked or how I sound, people that I was not something that matched what they expected to hear.

I suppose there is a lot that goes overlooked. And maybe this is me. Or maybe this is something common. Maybe I can say this is relatable and that others can understand where I am coming from with this.
For example, I know that we all have moments, achievements, memories and victories. we all have good things that go overlooked. We have resources and favors that are often taken for granted.

Safe to say that I often fail to see the glass is half-full. I fail to see the good or the benefits that come from simple things. Then again, perhaps I am not alone when it comes to this.
Am I?

I listened to the post fight interview of a professional fighter. This is a man who overcame previous losses and said, “adversity is a privilege.”
I had to think about this.
I had to think about the word “adversity” and what it means. I had to think about what it means to have to come back from a series of brutal losses, or what it means to be knocked down, or hurt, or punished in some way.
Or if I put the fighter aside for the moment and use this more as an analogy, I had to think about the string of recent losses or how it feels to be left for unwanted, or worse, I thought about the idea of adversity and what this means to me is to come back from the impossible.
But even more, I thought about what this means to do this and come back on your own accord.
Could you imagine?

Today needs to be brief.
I think there needs to be a way to break the tension. We have to move away from the frustration. Otherwise, we’ll all go nuts!
And then what?
I think there needs to be a way to break free from the angst or the disappointment. I think there needs to be a clear line in the sand, as if to say “that’s it.”
That’s all, and no more.
I’m not going to stand by and let this one go.

I say this in full awareness and with an open heart. I say this as someone who wants more than the humdrum of an average or everyday life.

It wasn’t all bad. The crazy stuff, I mean. I admit that I still find humor in the antics of my youth. While I admit to shaking my head in disapproval, I also admit the guilty pleasures and the laughs that were had at other people’s expense.
This is terrible. I know.
But true nonetheless.

I have never been much of a fighter. I’m not tough nor am I a threat or intimidating. I am not terrible nor tragic, and nor am I the beast which was predicted, and nor am I the loser which I was accused of being.

I am nothing more than the current phenomenon, which is called being human and alive. I am here, sitting in my little place, which is on the second story of a small home, which is rented and not owned.
Here I am, thinking about the places I have been to. I am thinking about the things that I have seen. I am thinking about the rise and falls of life, and how life can move up and down, just like the inhale and exhale of the Great Mother’s chest.

She breathes in and she breathes out, no differently from the Heavenly Mother, life rises and falls, until finally, there is stillness and rest.

I say this enough for anyone who knows me to remember that sometimes, I like to remind myself that you have to hit the panic button. You have to blow the escape hatch and get away. You have to do this.

No ifs and no ands and no buts.