And you start to wonder simple things
like, is this trip
really worth it?
Is all of this
really necessary?

Or, could most of this
have been avoided?

Has all of this meant
what it was supposed to mean?
And this is a great question.
Or wait,
after all this and after all that went on,
did I do what I wanted to do,
or did I do what I had to?

And so, I was told
if you don’t want anyone to know something
then don’t tell anybody
and then your secret will be safe with me.

I get that now.

I was told that there are people
who can keep a secret
and manage to keep their cards
close to their vest (so no one sees)
and on the opposite side,
we all know
there are people who you can
and people who you cannot trust.

I will say this in two parts
which means that yes,
I have a lot to say
and yes,
this was inspired by different people
and for different reasons.

1)

In the beginning
the darkness was more confusing
than the sunlight
after my first night after I slept
in a room where sick people live.

I can see why they tell me
the definition of insanity
is both the absence of reason
or to be a bit more simple or simpler
and direct or to the point,
I understand how insanity means
doing the same things
over and over again
and expecting different results.

And yes,
I do this.
I do this
all the time.

I’d like to show you something.
If I may, that is.

Then again,
of course . . .
you wouldn’t be here
if you weren’t interested.

Here. See?

This is small
or maybe not much
(to some people)
but this is all I have,
or so I believe.

Or maybe this is bigger
than anything
I have ever dared to share
or show anyone before.

I think it is important
to know that at some point,
you have to allow yourself
to go crazy.

You know?

You have to let your body free
and feel how it feels
to defy the senses
or be wild enough
to steer away from complacency.

There is something that I know for sure
which is the fact that
it is tough to be down
especially when you know
you have to get back up.

Nothing to me
is quite like the sunrise
or as hopeful,
like when the sun
evolves like an orange yolk
in the palm of tomorrow’s
great horizon.

None is like this
None.

1)

I sit still in my thoughts
and lay silently
beneath a sea of stars,
late summer
and the world is on fire.

I lay resting in some kind
of infused world now
which has become new to me
without expectation.
And I say new
but somehow, I know
this was always intended.

Safe to say
that I know a little bit
about my desires.
and, yes,
it is also safe to say
that no one can match me
when it comes to the way I think
or feel
or in short,
no one can match me
when it comes to the way I desire you.

No one.

No one can match the way shadows
appear in your sunlight
nor could anyone see or notice you,
like the way I see
or notice you.

And so,
if there ever was a goal
I wonder what it was
or what happened
or when we decided
to abandon them
like something lost
along the way . . .

Or wait
maybe this is like the way time
puts distance between us.
I wonder when it was
that I stopped wondering
about the dreams
that went deferred.