To be honest, the idea of change was unthinkable to me. I say this before going forward but I say this with a purpose. I say this because I had lived a certain way for such a long time and to me, living any other way seemed impossible. I lacked the energy to change. I lacked the belief that I could change; therefore, I lacked the drive and the ambition to make a change.
I say this because this is my truth. I explain this as my truth; however, at the same time, none of this was true at all.
I only believed it was.

There was a time when I would take a trip up to the roof of the building at work. I was high up and above the streets down on Lexington Avenue. I would face the east and look up and down the eastside of Manhattan, New York City. I would allow myself to absorb the quiet of the wind. I would allow this to drown out the sounds of the street below me. So peaceful.
There was no more noise from the hustle of fast-moving cabs, the traffic or the honking horns that beep at midday pedestrians who jaywalk or run through the crosswalks in a hurry.

There was someone who told me, “Kid, the only way ‘To it’ is through it.” What this person really meant is in the case of finding our way or having the life we want to live, there is no easier or softer way. By the way, the idea of finding an easier, softer way is not mine. These are not my words or an original thought. No, this comes from chapter 5 in a book that we use in the 12-Step world. The chapter is called “How it Works” and in short, the meaning of this chapter is the only way “To it” is through it.

Think about this for a second . . .