It was not until my last days on the farm that I was able to process the change that was about to take place. Close to my departure, the feeling was very surreal to me. The place that had been my home for the last 11 months would no longer the place where I lived. The people I depended on, the routine I became accustomed to, the scenery, the groups and the counseling sessions, the rules I had to follow and the place where I slept, showered, ate, and worked was about to change.
This is when the reality set in. At last, I could Continue reading
Category Archives: Junkie stories
About The Theft
“Stealing us was the smartest thing they ever did. Too bad they don’t teach the truth to their kids.” Saul Williams~
Williams said that in one of his poems. In this case, Williams was referring to racism. But as I see it, we’ve all been stolen. I know I was stolen more than a thousand times and racism had nothing to do with it. We’ve all been stolen in different ways and for different reasons. Sometimes the theft was a bit more unexpected and sometimes, we it was about to happen.
I once told you in many cases, there are no Continue reading
love and hate
I once wrote to you explaining the depth of my love is equal to the span of my hate. And I still believe this is true. I believe that love and hate are the same energy, but they split in two different directions.
There was a winter night during the Christmas season. I was young, numb to the world and neither angry or afraid. As I saw it, I felt the way I preferred to feel; impenetrable, callous, neither enthused nor uuenthused, and whatever happened—I suppose this is what clinicians would Continue reading
The Pedestal Problem
Beware the pedestal problem . . .
The problem with putting anyone up on a pedestal is one day, we learn they’re human. And to be human means we come with flaws and imperfections. No one is above this. But in the most vulnerable moments and at the weakest of times; there are people who will appear to have all the answers. They are the ones that seem to work an impeccable program and live the perfect life. We see them as miracles.
And it’s normal to look up to someone; it’s good to feel Continue reading
Note To Parents:
A long time ago, I walked through the double-door entryway of an old white, center-hall colonial home that was perhaps built long before my oldest known relative was born or before they even arrived at Ellis Island. With the dining room to the left and a slightly rounded, sweeping stairway to the left, a hallways led straight towards the back where the adolescents waited for their group to end. And me, well, all I kept wondering is what would have Continue reading
From an In The Classroom Entry: About Fear
I am not sure if I knew what fear was. I just knew I was afraid. I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t know the difference between feeling and emotion or even if there was one. I never thought about the emoting itself, which is innate or within us and natural; however, a feeling is different because feeling is the mind’s experience which we tie to an emotion. Therefore, the emotion is fear —however, the feeling of being afraid is due to the events of my life, which I tie to that emotion, Continue reading
From Junkie Diaries: The Basement
I was hidden in the dark basement of a corner bar in a small strip of stores that ran next to the 7-11 by the corner of Front Street and Merrick. My town was as normal as any other small suburban place. There was a tall water tower in the heart of the town with a flashing red light at its top to warn off low-flying airplanes. We had one high school, one junior high, and two elementary schools.
Like most towns, ours had different sections that signified where we were from. And there was no hatred towards either side —it was more of a geographical statement, which connected a level of understanding of where we lived, what stores we went to, and where we hung out.
Ours was neither an exceptionally rich or poor town. We were the middle income. We were the Continue reading
Injections (Revisited)
There I was, (figuratively speaking of course) and lost in an empty field with tall grass, bending, and swaying in the wind.
I was someplace else. I was in a long incredible dream, which I could somehow feel in my body. I felt myself drifting like a warm breeze, halfway in a nod, and slipping gently into this great new spiral I found near 134th street.
I was unaware and unconcerned with where I was or what I looked like. I wasn’t thinking about the Continue reading
The Best People in Life
I was on the bus with a set of earbuds in my ears and watching a film on my hand-held device. I heard a line in a show about someone being the best person ever. And I started to ask myself the question of who it would have been. Aside from The Old Man or the family heroes; who would I say was the best person I have ever met?
I can say that first and foremost, the list would only be so long, but it would be hardest to pick the absolute best. Of course, we all have our own flaws. We are all human and we all have our imperfections; however, I think the best people I have ever met were still perfect to me in spite of their own imperfections.
From Junkie Stories: White Ship
White ship arrived in sudden waves that night
My body became like a channel
of fast moving water
flowing outward,
and emptying into a mouth of a much larger sea . . .
It was like riding on a perfect ferry during the sunrise:
Colors open the horizon
The body livens
And powdery grains switch into little submarines,
which surge throughout my bloodstream
The only problem with a trip like this
is the price I didn’t know I’d have to pay
. . . or the interest that came along with it~
I crossed an imaginary Continue reading
The Written Addiction 