It was argued to me the other night that I was too young to claim that I know what it was like to have a tough time and I was too young and too inexperienced to understand what comes with real addiction. Maybe I didn’t lose enough or as much or lose the same way others did.

Back in the days when we used to live at 277 Merrick Avenue and whenever The Old Man felt old or whenever he felt the effects of his age, if he felt out of date or out of shape, The Old Man would take on big project in the house to prove to himself that he was still young and capable.
If he felt the outside world was unfair or whenever something emotionally painful happened, whenever something made him question himself as a man, like say, whether it was a family thing, a work thing, or anything that The Old man couldn’t fix, he would take on huge projects to prove to himself that he was still valid.

And so—
Going forward,I fully realize that resisting resistance with more resistance is not only draining,this is a losing battle.

Late at night and the rain is falling outside. I can tell this by the sound of the spattering droplets that crash against the skylight and stream down my rooftop.It is at times like this when I lay awake in the dark and think of how insomnia has struck again. 

I understand there are rules in place. I understand there are reasons for this. There are laws in our society and laws of nature. There are laws set upon us by government and other personal laws, which we follow because we are taught them. I know that laws are put into pace to prevent chaos and mayhem. 
Every so often, I think it is necessary to have the letter of the law rest for a moment. This is not to live lawless or to be defiant of the rules in place, but more, every so often the spirit should be allowed a moment of reprieve. Every so often, the soul needs a chance to scream and shout and run and play, like children do . . . remember?

When there is nowhere left to fall and the there is no room between you and the bottom;when there is nothing left to lose, nothing left to be afraid of, and when the outcome of your downfall has overcome you and all you can do is withstand and endure, of all times necessary, this is the time when it is most necessary to stand up and be counted.

There are pieces of advice we hear throughout our life, which we might hear a thousand times, but yet, at the same time it is as though we’ve never heard it once. Until one day, suddenly, our ears open and finally, we get it.
The same can be said for the cliche sayings we hear throughout our life, but one day, we hear them differently and just like that, a light comes on, and we get it. There was a grade school teacher of mine that once remarked, “Everything is impossible until it’s done.” Continue reading →

Climbing out of the well of depression:

I was broken—
I was not broken in the sense that I was not whole. No, I was broken in the sense that I was not complete, which is worse. Something was missing. Something was wrong with me but I couldn’t say what.
I was lost in the absence of a certain presence. I was lost as if I were missing an ingredient th Continue reading →

As I see it, there are different kinds of friends. There are friends like say, the ones you grew up with. These are the neighborhood kids. These are the ones you go back with. You have history with them and you know the little secrets no one else will ever know because real friends like this keep tight lips—and when something good happens, you smile and you nod proudly because you know the whole story. Friends like this are rare and far and few in between. This is true. It is also true that there are no friends like old friends. I can say this wholeheartedly and with all the love in my heart, there are those who have stood by me throughout my life regardless to the upswings or downfalls and have treated me Continue reading →