Please, before I go on, we have to keep this in perspective. I cannot say that this is for everyone. Nor is this intended to reach everyone. However, in the sense of life and how we see things, there are people out there who go through things alone. And, well –
I offer this entry as an honest report which is raw. I agree.
But at least this is honest
And at least this is real so . . .
Please allow me to proceed.

There was a small motel just off the main drag in South Florida where all the other hotels and high-priced guests would stay. I stayed in that small motel when Mom was sick. There was something about this place. There was something fitting about the smallness and even the cheapness about the room. Yet, there was something comforting about this for me. This was something almost spiritual too, as if to mean that I was somewhere that was safe. As if there was a beautiful sense of anonymous confidentiality awaiting my return when I’d get back to my motel room.
I was there for a purpose yet I was there on family business (of course) but I was also there to unravel, as if to let go of my tensions and grief.

There is no plan, per se nor is there a script to follow. No, this is life . . .
and life is happening, live and in-person. Know what I mean?

There is no right or wrong when it comes to our plans. There’s only the moment, which is here and now.
So, expect the unexpected and allow yourself the right to adjust your plans accordingly.
This is the only way.

I am working to navigate my way towards a new life. While I go at this alone and on my own for the first time in a long while, I have to understand that the chance to improve and grow is happening, right here, and right now – live and in-person.

This life is my life. No one elses.
If this is so and if my life is mine and yours is yours, then we have to make this so. We have to make this work or else.
Or else what?
Or else we suffer the consequences of a life less-lived.

I have been pushing myself and using three small words which to me are huge.
Go. Be. And Do.
These three little words are power words. These are the words that build our life from the foundation up.
Go. Be. And Do.

I threw off my schedule this morning.
I lost my head for a second and to me, it seemed as though I lost my way –
Well . . . at least for a little while.
I didn’t have my computer handy which is like asking a left-hander to go right.
I say this because my routine is everything to me.
It’s the glue to my sanity.
So, I went back to the old faithful.

It will be take-off time soon and I mean this in so many ways.
We could be on a flight to anywhere, anywhere at all, and just before the plane lifts, we can feel that rush of inertia. We can feel the speed picking up before the plane hits the sky.
We can feel the pressure of this as our bodies slide back into the seat as the nose begins to lift. Just as we start to climb high above the clouds, we are gone and just like that, we are out of the atmosphere.

We are soaring now, defying nature and the birds who owned the sky before us.
We are up high in the air and as we hit altitude, the engines seem to let out a sigh of relief, as if to say “Ah, we made it!”

I wonder about something all the time.
What makes us so different?
Is there such a thing as the magic or lucky gene pool?
Is this something that alters the pattern of our lives and shapes our existence because of who brought us into the world? Maybe the so-called lucky gene pool only applies and helps the so-called fortunate who were born under a favorable sign.
Then maybe this is not so much a case of favorable genetics and more because of a sizable bank account or good looks or physical ability –

Don’t limit your challenges. Challenge your limits.
I love this idea.
Who knows how many times I’ve heard this quote or other sayings that are like this?
But sometimes the mind comes alive and, at last, we hear what we’ve been deaf to or see what we were blind to.
I used to wonder when my real life was going to begin. Then I wondered when I was going to give myself the permission to let this happen.
I had to push myself and allow my real life to start.

Before I step forward, I need to express my gratitude. I also need to express that this project, or this journal of mine, has been inspired by the drive and the need to live.
This is all about three very big and special words: Go, Be and Do.
Also, this is written with regard and respect for those who have either dared to create or those who have inspired me because, to me, this is the light and this is the way.
I want to start of with something I saw not too long ago.
I remember how this opened my eyes –
Be brave enough to suck at something new
What a great idea.

I would like to be very clear about this.
And I’m not sure that I am alone with this thought. But anyway, here it goes.

I have never been the person who wakes up early to goes to the gym. I wake up early for other reasons. I’m up before the crack of dawn for work and for my personal time, which is now.
My day starts between 3:00 and 4:00am. However, my morning routine has never been one that involves the gym. To be honest, I have never enjoyed the gym nor does my social anxiety allow me to be comfortable with working out in front of other people.
Of course, it has been said that this is a predicament that’s been worked up in my head. It’s been said that “No one is even paying attention to you!” and again, “This is all in your head” which is true because this is where all problems are born – in our head.

What’s the sense of having a purpose if we don’t make it purposeful?
You know?
I have told you about that game, Never Have I Ever . . .
I’ve told you about this list I’ve been working on and how the list of “Nevers” is longer than I want it to be.
I want to shorten the “never have I ever” list and lengthen the list of things I’ve done or the places I’ve seen.
I want to add to the people I’ve met and, of course, I want to lengthen the list of things I’ve done.
But still, there’s more to this list. There’s more to all of us, I suppose.
There’s absolutely more to me than meets the eye.