I have a memory from when I was very small. I stood at the side of a small lake with patches of green Lilly pads. Surrounding the outer-edge of the pads were thin blankets of small leaves, which grouped together like tiny green sequins. The sky was slightly gray but the winds were very warm.
I stood between a clearing of tall, marsh-like grass. I Continue reading →

It was one of the last times I went down to see my mother. She was so old. She was bent forward—her hazel eyes sort of glazed with a film that comes with old age. Her reddish hair was losing its battle to a bad dye job and her memory was becoming worse. Her outfits were limited. She missed wearing nice shoes and nicer clothing.

I remember driving from Ft. pierce to down to Pompano Beach Florida. I took the last of my mother’s belongings and snuck them from the assisted living home where angry nurses yelled at elderly, defenseless and debilitated patients. My mother was terrified of that place. I suppose when I arrived, she felt protected. And when I made myself know, I suppose my mother felt rescued.

When I spoke Continue reading →

Something I know and I will always know is that Daddy’s little girl, no matter how she grows or where she goes; she will always be Daddy’s little girl. I cannot say what it means to have a son. I never had a little boy. I only have a little girl. I cannot say what the bond is like to have otherwise; I can only tell you what it feels like when a tiny girl’s life looks at you for the first time and says the words, “Da-Da,” which eventually transforms into the word, “Daddy” or Dad.”

There have been books written about parenting. There have been men, very much like myself, who have recorded their Continue reading →

I can only control so much. The rest is out of my hands.
And I know this.

When I was a boy, The Old Man decided to plant a small garden on the side of the house. He chose the side of the house because our dogs had run of the backyard. We cleaned after the dogs—we even set up a dog pen, which our dogs, Tammy and Devin eventually learned to use, and rather than Continue reading →

Just around sunrise over a bridge out east at a place called Shinecock canal, I imagine myself with The Old Man. The sky is laced with clouds holding the various colors of morning and the winds are cool. I imagine this as it was, my first fishing trip with The Old Man.

We woke early. The Old Man dressed me as warmly as possible. My little body was stuffed in a combination of Continue reading →

We started our trip early yesterday morning. I pulled up to Vinny’s house at exactly 8:00, which is what we agreed upon. Chad came down from his upstairs apartment in the home across the street. His eyes slightly squinted from the brightness of an already hot sun. Angelo and Carmine were ready and both excited for the day we had planned. Angelo and Carmine are good boys.
With Angelo being the oldest at the age of nine, there is Continue reading →

There is a plain white t-shirt I keep in my t-shirt drawer with two, traced out hands that are drawn in two different colors, and above this are the words “Happy Father’s Day,” with each letter written in a different color.
I keep this shirt in my t-shirt drawer, not because I wear it, but because it is a nice surprise to accidentally pull out while trying to rush through the morning and find an undershirt.
This is one of the first father’s day gifts my daughter gave to me. There are more, which like this, are different artistic creations. Some are drawings with clumps of glue and sparkles on colored construction paper. And this too is something I can vaguely remember doing when I was a little boy in some art class somewhere. Probably my last creation like this would have been made in Mrs. Humley’s Continue reading →

After The Old Man passed and after the downwards spiral of emotions; after the funeral, after the tearful goodbyes, and the strange aftermath of energy that comes when someone passes away, I went back to the farm where I stayed, lived, worked and continued on my path of sobriety. Meanwhile, Continue reading →

Little boy asked, “Daddy, will you tell me a story?”

With all the love in his heart, the father smiled and agreed.

Once upon a time, there was a little baby boy. He was a good boy and everyone loved him. The baby boy had an older brother, but the brother was only older by a few years.

In the mornings, the baby boy would sit in his high chair and his brother would sit near him at the kitchen table. Their mother would make breakfast and the two boys would eat together. They laughed and they sang. The mother would smile happily as she sang along too.
Most mornings, the father would Continue reading →

The jokes I used to laughed at and the stories that were once funny have lost their humor to me. Now that I am a “Dad” I am most afraid of my past returning like a cruel joke. I am afraid of Karma and the inevitable things like my little girl’s first boyfriend, or her first crush.
I already told my daughter all she needs to know about boys. Yes, she is still very young, but I feel this lesson is extremely valuable. I have given her the one lesson, which I know will translate throughout her life. And I repeat this lesson often, or Continue reading →