Maybe this would be better or easier to understand if I took an existential approach.
Do you think?
Maybe I should focus on the relatable existence instead of the irrationalities that play out in our heads.
But still, I think there are challenges and questions ahead.
So, I will begin this thought with one big, yet simple question.
What does it mean to be alive?

I have built this place in my head because if there is nowhere else, at least I can be myself here. At least I can speak my mind or speak freely. I can be honest without the fears or worries of feedback that would either hurt me, put me down, or break my heart.
This is why I have built this place and this is why I come here to find you.

There is a tattoo that runs down from the upper part of my back. This is posted like a billboard and written as a reminder. The tattoo is written in traditional Chinese characters, which translates to trust yourself first. Do not trust other people.

Although this is intended to be mutually interactive, there is a reason behind each of my entries. Today, I have decided to make this entry about me, just a little.
I remember a morning when I was going through a series of heartache and decisions. I remember a time in a basement, where my heartache was so thick and unfortunate that I could not take the pain.
But I had to.
My so-called life had changed in an instant. My life was heading in an unknown direction and worse, I was alone in more ways than I could handle.
I lost myself. I lost love. I lost friends and, more to the point, I lost my way.
I was too sad, too hurt and too confused to understand what was happening. Again, I understood the reasons for my pain. I understood this from an intellectual perspective. However, my emotions and mindset were off, to say the least. 

So, in the middle of my passive breakdown, I needed to hear something. I needed a sign. I needed something to bring me up or encourage me—but in moments like this, I find it sad but funny how every random song can come on and somehow remind you of your losses or remind us of better times that will never come around again.

There has to be a beginning. We all start from somewhere and, of course, there are times when we need help or we need to figure out when or where to begin, or how.
I have been writing to you for years now. Most of this is for me. However, there is hope, which I have, that somehow or maybe in some way one of my entries can reach out and find someone at their moment of need.
Same as I needed to be inspired, maybe this can find you at a time when you need a push of your own. Maybe something I might say can (or will) motivate your or push you to the point where you are inspired to change.

It wasn’t so long ago, at least I don’t think it was.
Youth, I mean. And ah, to be young.
(Again)

There are certain people
who we encounter
we keep us young
or who make us age.

What would you say or do if you had the chance to go back and do something over again?
How many times have you wondered about something like this?
What changes would you make?
If you could redo your past and reshape a memory, what would this be like?
Where would you start?

I recall the advice I’d get when I was younger. I remember the common suggestions from older people. And of course, I would roll my eyes.
I remember being told that youth is wasted on the young.
And it is.