I can think of it now, The Old Man coming in the television room, which we called the den.
He would ask, “What are you doing in here? Get outside!”

We never had video games like the ones that kids have today.
We had Atari. We had Pac-man. We had Asteroids.
We had Elevator Action. We had games called Frogger and Space Invaders. 
Other than that, the video game life was not the same as the video games that we have now.

And then there was the world, right there in front of us.
But did we know it? Did we know anything or did we only think we knew?
Life was about to happen. There we were, right on the verge of a new chapter; too afraid to turn the page and to eager to hold out for the right place or the right time. By the way, I wonder about this because sometimes there is no right place or right time. No,
there’s only life and it’s happening to you and me, right here, right now.

No one ever tells you how big this is going to be.
No one can prepare you for what’s about to come your way, at least not really.

There are a thousand things that you will see and hear. There will be things you’ll taste and things that you’ll smell.
These things will last forever. This is good, trust me.

There will always be life ongoing and unfolding because life will always happen, right in front of us.
You are going to see things that are beyond belief. You will encounter moments that go beyond comprehension. While this might not be easy, life will still happen whether we agree with it or not.

It is 3:33 in the morning.
Actually, it’s only 2:33 but the world pulled a trick which we call daylight savings time.
I am awake (of course) when I would rather be sleeping.
I am tossing and turning and sifting through random ideas, like “hey, how great would it be if this were summertime and we had a vacation home that was somewhere far from the rest of the world?”
How would it feel to walk through the door of a place that was seasonally hibernating and pull back the blinds to uncover the view?
Must be nice to have something like this.

I know I’ve told you about the farm and my own version of what I’d like to create someday. I want to build a farm of my own; however, my reasons and my intentions are not the same.
My reason for this journey is no different from anyone else’s. In the beginning of my life, I suppose my goal was to find my purpose. But I struggled
I wanted to find something that made sense to me. I had challenges.
I suppose why I started writing this journal (or any of my journals) is because I wanted to detail my trip in the best possible way. My goal was to help me understand the life I lived as well as learn new ways to process the information around me.

Sure, I’ve been fed up before.
I’ve sworn off things and gone right back to them the next day. I admit it, I have my struggles with change.
I have my bouts the same as anyone else does. I’ve been at the intersection of doubt and hopeless. While standing at the crossroads of my life, I had to come to a decision. Decisions are like deadlines.
They kind of suck . . .
I had to make a change; but more, I had to make a choice to change. I had to give myself the permission to continue, to follow through, to make the moves necessary to create the change and lastly, I had to give myself the permission to look away from my usual patterns. Otherwise, I’d have been stuck in more of the same.
Know what I mean?

It is sunrise again. The city is cool but not too cold. They say that spring will be here soon and that’s fine with me. Daylight savings is just around the corner which means the sunrise will be an earlier occasion.

For now . . .
The wind is moving but its not too sharp that it cuts right through you. I know that times are about to change. Something is on the way, like an unknown letter in the mail. Something’s up. I just don’t know what it is, at least not yet.

Alone. Misunderstood. I know you all too well. But that’s okay.
Don’t worry.
I know you well enough by now which, again, is fine. 
I see you on the road and all around. I can see how far you’ve traveled.
You’ve been around the world (almost) which means you’ve seen the sights.
You’ve done the dance and you did “the things.”
But what does this mean?

I can tell the miles you’ve pulled are as countless as the dreams I have. 
I say this because I have hopes for myself which are formations of different opportunities; of course, this is all up to me to create.

So, it does get  better.
You do know this, right?
Or is this just something that people tell us when we first walk through the doors?
Is this a way to get people to something new? Maybe . . .
Maybe that’s it.

Maybe the idea of telling people “it works if you work it” is more than proving the idea that “you’re worth it.”
Instead, maybe this is a way to say that in spite of the challenges or the discouragement, you have to keep moving.
You have to replace thought with an action which, if you think about it, that’s what this is – it’s a replacement model for a habit or lifestyle. So, don’t give up is what they tell you.
Or they’ll say, “don’t quit before the miracle happens,” to which you shake your head (and sometimes your fists) because it’s hard to see that the miracle is happening, right before your eyes.

I never had much of a college experience. Then again, my head was never much for schoolwork, which was fine at the time. 
It was never a thing for me. School, that is.
I never felt comfortable in the social caste systems. I never felt comfortable with the different variations of the crowd. I didn’t know where to fit in. I didn’t know where to sit in the cafeterias or who to sit next to because, in fairness, who you sit with and who you hung around had the ability to alter your social destinations.
To be clear, I defected from the social sandboxes and the cool-kid scenarios a long, long time ago.
I had to do this – if I wanted to be free.