There will be no apologies for this entry. Instead, there is only an extension from me to you about a truthful space in my heart. Therefore, without any further hesitation, I would like you to put your imagination caps on and do your best to visualize the concepts of what I am about to share with you.

So . . .

I have always loved the autumns in New York. I love the drives along the parkway to see the colors of the leaves in the trees. I love the smell in the air and the subtle hint of nearby fireplaces where smoke comes from chimneys and permeate the air. For the moment, the warmth has stalled at a midway process, like the slack tide between the in and out near the beaches at Point Lookout. The wind is neither too warm or too cold and the air is just right. Ah, there is an exhale and pause from the overheated pressure at the end of our summer months.

I don’t mind the sweaters. I don’t mind the ideas of bundling up or finding a cause to create warmth. In fact, I appreciate the change of seasons for this exact reason: We can find new ways to become connected. While I grant that this is taken from my perspective, if I may, I’d like to offer you a picture in your mind to help transition this journal entry to act like a movie screen in the mind.

Rest assured that there will always be something that comes along to steal your thunder. Trust me on this one. Just know that whether this is a person, place or thing is up to the stars. But either way, no one is above the fringes of disappointment. No one gets away without a scratch and, to be clear, in the case of life against life, no one walks away unscathed. However, in the course of your life, whether you go or stay, quit or stand, there is always the option to improve and endure.
Some people look to endure and move on. Some people find that pain is too unbearable; therefore, they never dare to venture to places outside of their safety.

To begin, I will ask that if there is any part of you that is stigma-based; kindly leave your judgment someplace else. The following time and location is taken from a place where I was sent to rethink and reshape my life. Admittedly, my initial intentions were less than sincere. Then again, I was less than a sincere person back then and, in some cases, I was less than good.
I was a different person then. I was hateful as ever and angry, young and misled by the provocative arguments and social misleading which was brought up out of ignorance and simple misteachings. Plus, I was at the chippie station or, otherwise, I was in the young stages of teenage addictions.
Therefore, I was medicated and obligated to a life that was not in my best interest. I was living amongst hateful times with hateful people and to protect myself, I shielded myself with hateful ways (to keep me safe) and, additionally, I struggled with the chemical reactions from a life that was hinged upon emotional pain and chemical dependency.

Hence, I set this stage to blossom like a flower or act as a representation of my education – or, more poetically; I define this as my own personal genesis. This is where I arrived at the station of education. Or safer put, this is where I earned my pin and achieved a sense of knowledge, wisdom and understanding. This comes from a time of my biggest misguidance yet this is about a moment of awareness which I choose to celebrate.

I think of dinners and people with friends who gather at festive times. I think of holidays like Thanksgiving or otherwise, I think of people in their humble abodes and regardless of money or the lack thereof, I believe the sayings about love and family are true. You can have all the money in the world. You can have everything you want and all that you can ask for. But if you don’t have a family or if you don’t have anyone meaningful to share your life with, you might as well not have anything at all.

There was a good place on Hempstead Turnpike that has changed owners more than once. However, there was a time when I was new to the old neighborhood. When I say this, I say this because this was the time when I was reintroduced to my old surroundings.  
My life had recently changed in a way that I was unsure of what would come next. I had left the home where I’d been living as well as a life that had not been mine for a very long time. 
I was new to the process of divorce and new to the ideas of being by myself and on my own without someone to check in with. At this point, I suppose my basic intimidations were financial and emotional.

I might have told you about this more than once but perhaps for this entry, it is important that I tell you once more. So, here it goes.
At one point, I decided to get in my car at the early portion of a weekend morning. The sky was a quiet shade of gray. The cold air from the new season crept in to prove that autumn was in the rearview. And there was a cold time ahead of me without the promise of warmth.

More than the taste of a great burger and better than the typical hot dog memories of potato salad and slices of watermelon; and more than this are the details of times from long ago. These are the occasions that took place in little towns and backyard barbecues.
This is where moments such as the 4th of July celebrations took place. This is where youth was as innocent as our young towns where, as kids, we prepared for a nighttime event of flashes and colorful bursts of rockets and explosions of sparkles that boomed across the sky. 

The Old Man was an eater for sure. He would work hard and eat everything that was on his plate. You could tell when my Father was enjoying his food. This was clear from the look upon his face.
His upper lip would sweat; not to mention his look of intensity, as if his meal could somehow wipe away the day behind him. As I say this, I say this with the memory of being a young boy. The Old Man was always working. He was out of the house by sunrise and home after sunset. I understood that he had to work to keep a roof over our heads and yes, I admired my Father as my very first hero. 

I say this in full disclosure and openly; yet admittedly, there was a moderate form of intimidation and respectful fear. 
The Old Man worked a hard job and sometimes, in all fairness; The Old Man took his work home with him. He was often tired and impatient and by the time he came home, I was already in my pajamas and ready for bed. I would try to wait up for him. I wanted to see him eat. I wanted to see the look on his face and admire him. 

What I am about to share is both personal and heartfelt. I suppose that what I am about to share with you is also part of why I see things the way I do. Also, this is where and how I learned about the birth of my taste buds and the meaningfulness of lunchtime and meals after a hard day’s work.
Of course, not everyone likes the same thing and not everyone comes from the same background which is why I like to try new meals from different people. I admit to being adventurous and trying foods from different places. I can say that I have tried things that were not for me. I can say that I have tasted things without knowing what they were and, in fairness, had I known I might not have tried them in the first place. And yes, I’ve eaten things that sound terrible but tasted great.

I wonder if people really know. I mean, do people really know what it means to have a good meal? I wonder how many people truly understand the experience and the rituals behind fine dining or good food. Then again, I suppose that culture and background is everything and that yes, my version of a great meal might not reach the same flavor to someone else. But ah, I can say this without any doubt: Food is love.
It’s not just the food itself. It’s the meal. It’s the manner in which it’s prepared and how the food is shared. This can happen anywhere too or even out of a brown paper bag. A shared meal is perhaps the most comforting, giving and charitable expression that we can share with each other. And again, it’s not just the menu or the meal but or how the plates are passed around the table. It’s not always about money either or expensive dishes. 
On the contrary, there are meals that can be had for an affordable rate. The attention to detail, the power held in the ingredients and the flavors can be a perfectly connecting detail.