I remember the first time when I stepped into the middle school cafeteria. Only, we called it junior high school back then. This was the first time that I realized the world was a bigger place. I understood the meaning that came with the saying big fish in a little pond.
Only, I was never a big fish and the pond I was in always seemed to grow larger, making me seem so much smaller, which is exactly how I felt.
Small. Tiny.
Or maybe even insignificant.

There was this great big world out there, and me, I thought that I was too weak or puny to compete. I was shorter than nearly all the other kids. I was way too thin. I was far too weak. I was awkward too and looked much younger than my classmates.

I suppose the start of anything can be the hardest part. And here we are at the beginning. Or wait, no.
Here I am, wondering what it’s going to take for me to get from here to there or what it will take to get me from start to finish.
This is a going to be a good journal for me,
at least I hope so.

Take the ideas of a personal project, for example.
Or think about the cost of a gym or a workout plan.
Think about the goal to be fit and in shape.
Close your eyes, if this helps.
Think about the best physical version of you. Now, think about what this looks like, and next comes question, “What’s it gonna take?”

I am here again. But I am not here against my will or would I call this a crossroads or an impasse. And no, this is not an accident either.
I think where I am is both accurate and justly deserved.
However, I would never say that I know what I’m doing or that I am an authority on anything in any way. In fact, I can only say that I have see what I have seen and that I know what I know.
At the same time, I have to understand that life is subjective, memory is often a liar, and that like billions of others who lied and died before me, I am often tricked by the deception of my perception.

I know this.
I know that not everything is as it seems.
I know that I have often misunderstood, misread, and misdiagnosed problems of the heart or troubles of the soul.