There is no place left to fall nor turn or run to.
This is it. This is where we begin.

This is where we find ourselves at the starting gate and this is where we begin.
This is the starting point that will lead us to a new life, a new destination, a new hope, and a brand-new existence.
All this takes is effort.

I never thought this would be me or that I would find myself here, trying to redefine my life or that I would come to this point where I am trying to sum my life or, of course, I never thought that I would look to change my life again, or change or change who I am.
I never thought that I would have to come to this place again, and realize the need to change my ways or change the way I think or feel.
I realize that first, I have to remove myself from ego or from the egotistical ways of thinking.
This is not about ego or egotism.
This is not about my lost or hopeless search, nor is this a moment, like when comes before The Creator, humbled or sad, nor is this about the way we look back with regret and wish I could change or redo the elements of time.

And I?

I am the one. I am me against me and again, I am the one who pushed and the one who stood, who fell, who resumed and regained myself, despite my losses, despite my falls and despite my shortcomings; I am still here and still living and breathing despite the threats or the dangers or the so-called powers that be.
The truth is no one can stop the world from turning. No one can stop fate. No one can avoid the bumps and bruises, and nobody can avoid the constant movement of the eventual and the inevitable.
This is life.

It is coming to an end, another year, another trip around the sun, and another batch of four seasons, like winter, spring, summer, and fall.
I am grateful for this – you, the seasons, another trip around the sun, and let’s not forget the lessons we’ve learned together.
I am growing distant from the places of my yesterday. I’m not where I was and as for where I want to be, well, I’m not there.
Not yet.
But I’m trying.

It is morning, of course, and I am here as usual (of course).
I am still looking. I am still searching or hunting and hoping to find something more than just an average thing because I want more than just an average or everyday life.

There is snow on the ground, which is nice to see. It’s been a while since there’s been a white Christmas. Then again Christmas has always been an interesting time of year, at least for me.
Then again, Christmas is interesting for a lot of people.
Or so I assume.

To be honest, I do not believe that I am so different from anybody else. I have my differences too, but I am not so different. At least, not at my core, or at the root, which I find to be the platform or the base of who I am. We all have this. We have wants and needs.
I understand that flavors and taste may vary, but the core is the core, and so I ask the question – what do we want?
What does anybody want?

I often wonder if I really know the answer to this question.
However, I do know some things.

I am a watcher. I see the world at times, like now, and I see things, almost randomly. More importantly, I find that I take notice of the signs around me.
I find that the timing is perfect.
It is easy to notice the typical things on the New York City trains or to see the usual suspects on the subways. I see this all the time, and I’ve been seeing this for years.
However, there is often something to be found. There is often an unexpected flower in unexpected places. And yes, there is often something to see, which is enough to be moved or enough to signify that the world is a good place.

There are beautiful things to see and while love can come under fire, and while love might not always conquer all, even still, there is proof that love exists. There are signs all over which offer at least a touch of inspiration that yes, here is hope. Despite the way things may seem at times, no matter what, love is real.
I know it is.

We are not the young soldiers retreating from a war that never existed. No, that part of us is over. However, there are times when the mercury rises and the pulse moves too quickly.
I can see how this changes us or causes concern.
There are times when the weight moves in, and the chest is too heavy to breathe.
I knew you. But then again, I have always known you, young and confused, wild and eager to prove that fear is not real, and that outrage can be interchangeable with intimidation. And so, we did what we could to get by and survive the social tactics of the world around us.

I do not regard the old days as much as I used to. Then again, I do this because I have grown to understand the difference between the way I was and the disguises we wore.
I have been asked if it gets easier as we grow up.
I answered, life you mean?
And I hit the nail on the head.