I suppose it makes sense to talk about this now.
I suppose if we are looking to find happiness or if we are looking to improve our smiles and find the simple things that boost our spirits, it pays to be aware of the items that steal our smiles or swipe our happiness.
There are thefts in this world that go far beyond the materialistic thefts. There is a theft of service which takes place more commonly than we think.
There’s a term that can be used for the biggest culprit of all.
And that’s a bully.  

I want to let go . . .
I want to shed that excess skin. Better yet, I want to get down to that thing we call our true self.
Know what I mean?
I want to rid myself of the layers that have formed over the years and as I remove each mask and let go of my shields and weapons of our so-called self-destruction, I want to remove the bricks in the wall. I want to rid myself of the walls around me; and so, as each brick is removed, I want to allow the grace of sunlight to pass through. I want the light to brighten my perspective. I want this to give sight to my incidental blindness and be free from the situational blurs that alter our vision. I want to let the light shine through, as if to dismantle the walls around me; as if to build bridges, not walls, and as if to deconstruct an old world that opens me up and allows new branches of sunlight to shine down and grace my skin.

I remember a scene in a movie where a homeless man told strangers, “Welcome to Hollywood. What’s your dream?”
I say that’s a fair question. What’s your dream?
What does it look like? Who’s in it?
And of course, what do you want to do with this?
Do you want to see this come true?
Do you watch this sometimes, like a movie in your head, and rather than live it, you watch your dreams go by on the movie screens behind the walls of your eyelids.
All you have to do is close your eyes . . . 

So, the question becomes, where do we go from here?
I like this question, although I admit this question comes with different angles. Admittedly, the idea of “where do we go from here” can often be big or so huge that we find ourselves intimidated or so worried that the idea of moving upwards or onwards is far too much to think about.

But still –
Where do we go from here?
If this is square one, or if this is the beginning and since we have to start from somewhere, and even if we are at a disadvantage or facing the world on an uphill slope, how do we find what it takes to take that first step?

It took me a while to find my sanity, which is not to say that I am sane, by any means. But yes,
I am a work in progress.
I am about to discuss a small part of my life. However, this is my past. This is my beast as well as a previous burden.
This is my life “before,” so-to-speak.
But this is not me (anymore).

I am so much more than this part of my past. I am more than a man who identifies as a person in long-term recovery. I am clean and yes,
I have stayed this way since April 1, 1991.

It is more to me than something simple and obvious. People, I mean.
I’m talking about the easy and the obvious findings. I’m talking about the things we fail to notice yet we see them every day. People. Although not all are the same and not all people belong in the same category.
But again, since this is about happiness and the findings we grab along the way, then let’s talk about the greatest thing we can find. Our tribe.
What does this consist of?

It is safe to say that whatever is beyond me is beyond me. And we know this.
However, at the same time, I see people walk into unnecessary battles with eyebrows folded downward with a seething rage, teeth grinding, lip snarled and their neck bent forward and fists clinched.
I have seen people go off to fight an unworthy battle and lose to an unchangeable opponent.

Suffice to say that I have done this too
Suffice to say that I have my share of battle wounds that could have been avoided.
Safe to say that I have wasted minutes, hours and even years like this.
Safe to say that I have lost sleep. I’ve lost ground and yes, I have even lost myself to fights against unbeatable items, such as a life beyond my control.
Then again, haven’t we all?

Nostalgia –
Now there’s a great find. This is the thing inside of us which stirs when something comes along and hits the memory button.
Nostalgia, like, as in ah – that thing which took place all those years ago.
Remember?
Back when we were young . . .

What does it mean anyway?
Life?
What does it mean to live to the fullest? I ask because, in fairness and as an honest spectator, I often see people live with reservations and doubt.
This is amazing to me but still, it’s true. We have wants and dreams and desires yet, there are so many of us who never dare to give our hopes the shot they deserve.
There countless people in this world and everyone is up to something. Everyone has an idea or a plan. And at the same time, everyone has a want or a need, a dream, or a wish.

Something I think about is the way we argue. I wonder why, as in, what for?
I think about the way we fight or the way we bitch about nonsense or unimportant things that somehow take priority in our lives. We bitch and we moan. We complain. We fight and we go back and forth and we beat the so-called dead horse.
Why?
Does any of this really help?