I have been looking for an answer to my prayers. Then again, I suppose we all are.
Even those who never pray – they have something that they want too.
I’ve been hoping and searching to find “that thing” that has no name yet this is the thing that means everything to us.

This has been an ongoing search and an ongoing pursuit for me – as in the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. And too, I have been made aware throughout my life and on countless occasions that happiness changes.
We change too.

What was it that made you happiest when you were a kid?
I ask this because there are times when I struggle to remember. There are times when I almost forget that there was a time, and albeit long ago, or not so long ago; there was a time when I was able to laugh or smile about the simplest things.
I love the idea of simple fascinations. I love the little details of things that might catch someone’s attention. It’s the simple things too. It’s the tiny details that we notice and yes, it’s these things that spark the idea machine and cause us to do things, like give a tiny gift that relates to this, as if to say, “Yeah, I noticed that too.”

There are times when the hour is late and all is dark. My mind escapes me, which means my thoughts are moving too fast and in a thousand different directions.
And I know what this is. I know what they call this.
They call this insomnia. But me, I call this another night in bed, looking up at the ceiling. I say this is another night, tossing from one side to the other, trying to find a comfortable spot and trying to stop my mind from moving in a thousand different directions.
But hey, try to relax. Right?
Isn’t that what people say?
Try to clear your mind.
Ever hear that one?

There’s got to be something more to this life than what we see. I mean more than the status symbols that we were taught to envy or admire and more than money or who has the most toys. There has to be something more than who we are in the ranks of popularity or where we live or work or how much we earn.
Life has to be more than an exclusive address or club memberships.
There’s more to us than that.
I know there is.

Yet, the grass is always greener, as they say. Or, we can learn that the grass is greenest where it is cared for the best.

And you run sometimes. You know?
You try to find someplace safe or, if anything, you try to find someplace away from everything that’s been going on behind you.
But it trails – you know?
Life seems to follow you . . . and
You run and you run but eventually, the question becomes, “where are we going?”
What the hell are we doing?

There was an idea that I heard the other night.
The idea is to smile in the face of adversity. Imagine that. To smile at the face of an otherwise enemy – to breathe regardless of the things that would otherwise leave you breathless.
I say this is an amazing quality to have.
I say to have this ability is more than heroic. I say this is almost a superpower – to smile in the face of hatred or outrage; or to smile regardless of the unhappy or the ugly features of an enemy or to smile at a life less desired. But more, to smile as an action instead of retaliation or a means of response.

My morning drive is early. Then again all morning drives are early, at least mine are.
I am up long before the sun, which is fine because it has been this way for a very long time.
I am an early riser. I always have been and I always will be,which, again, this is fine because I like the quiet before the world wakes up.

I like the early stillness and the sleepiness of the towns which I have earned the right to call my own.
I am used to this – my routine.

It is to the best of my understanding that there has never been anyone in the world who can say or claim that they have either monopolized or cornered the market on happiness.
With that being said, I do believe that happiness is a craft. It takes work. In fairness to ourselves and to our own lives as we relate to the world and all the jazz we have to face, or at minimum, with all that we encounter or deal with on a daily basis, we have to understand that life is not a work-free environment.
Not at all. In fact, life is quite the contrary.
Nothing worthwhile comes easy – or so they say.
No one walks onto a field at practice and automatically becomes an expert.
This is a process and so is happiness. 

I can’t help or hide the fact that yes, I’m crazy.
There’s no question about this. However, instead of complaining, shhh –
Be quiet –
I’m trying to learn how to enjoy this!

Life changes. This happens all the time. And I think back to the things that used to be important to me. I think about the fads and the different fashions. Sometimes, I look back or I’ll see a photograph of either the fads or the fashions from back in the day.
I’ll either shake my head or I’ll laugh or I’ll think to myself, “What the hell was I thinking?”
What the hell was I wearing?
It’s amazing though. It’s amazing how the rebellions of my youth have all faded away like an old handwritten note from middle school.
If I think about it, some of my old rebellions take on appeal of an old page from a newspaper, yellowed with age, and brittle to the touch.
But me? I don’t want to be brittle to the touch.