Sit with me. Just for a second.
The sun will be up soon and I don’t want to miss this. I don’t want to miss the first light.
I don’t want to miss another morning, at least not right now.

It’s beautiful out. The wind is cool but nice on the skin. It’s not cold by any means but the wild nature of the summer heat has vanished from the air.
And there’s things to miss about this. And there are things to look forward to.
Always.

It is amazing to me that I am here now. Then again, where else would I be?
Where else could I be?
I am a firm believer that whatever could have happened, did happen. I believe that we look around and hem and haw or waste time thinking about the ideas of what could have been.
At the same time, all this does is awaken us to an idea that what happened is not what we asked for.
All this does is open our eyes and creates an awareness that we need to make a change. Yes, this is true.
That’s right.
I need to make a change as well.

Its time to understand and redefine this. But more, it’s time to come to an understanding that as I evolve, I have to allow myself the permission to evolve as well.
But first, I have to allow myself the honest realization that yes . . .
Life is crazy.

It is crazy though. Isn’t it?
Life.

There has to be something, a light maybe. There has to be something to cling to or at least some kind of fabric to our lives that holds us together.
You hear people say things all the time. They say things like, “You have to let go,” or they’ll tell you that “God doesn’t put anything in our lives that we can’t handle.”
Then I’ve heard people say, “You never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have.”

I am reminded of a movie. I am reminded of the words by Saul Williams when he spoke out in a poem in the center of the yard in a jail scene.
He said, “Stealing us was the smartest thing they ever did. Too bad they don’t teach the truth to their kids.”
It was here that I began to think about the words I write and the meaning behind them. This is my sword.
I thought about how each letter and each syllable can have an impact on the soul. Words can mean nothing. Or, they can mean everything. . .
if we allow them to.

Today’s entry will be short but only because time is being short with me. So, without any distractions, let’s get right down to the point.
Shall we?

It’s not just here and now. It’s not just with you or with the way things are.
This is me. Evolving and hopefully working out the kinks in my brand new trick.
This is all I have, which is in my hands and extended out to you as a humble means, as if to say please, take this from me.

There is a game called Never Have I Ever.
It’s a drinking game which I have never played before. But at the same time, I haven’t played a drinking game since the time I drank a bottle of whiskey in my old friend Pete’s house. At the same time, I haven’t had a drink in over three decades.
So, the chances of me playing Never Have I Ever are not happening.
However, the object of the game is to say something that you haven’t done and anyone who has done this is supposed to drink.

And so it was. Or at least so it used to be.
Maybe it is and always will be but either way, today marks another year and another trip around the sun.
To be more clear, today marks the 51st year of my life.
So?
What have I done?
Any questions?

Do I have needs?
Sure, I have needs.

I have them every day. I have thoughts and visions.
I have wants and desires and, of course, I have requests and ideas. At the same time, I have the ability to understand that my needs and desires are special.
Therefore, they can only be shared with someone special. Else they’ll only be shallow or unfulfilled and the love I have would only be left wanting and so would be my love – unsatisfied.