Yearly Archives: 2021

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Memory Lane and My Reasons Why

It would be dishonest of me to say that there wasn’t the idea of us against them. It would be dishonest to say that some of this wasn’t fun. The rebellion I mean. This is one of the reasons why it was us against them. I wanted to rebel. I wanted to fight back. More than anything I wanted to be heard but I never had the voice to properly speak my thoughts. I never had the words or the language to explain what I was thinking or feeling. Instead, I acted.

This is why it was us against the world. It was us against the authorities and the people in the town. It was us against our parents, the teachers, the principals, the guidance counselors, the cops, the local government and anyone else in the world that did not see things the way we did. I pluralize this because there was more than just me.

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This Is My Plea

And suddenly, there is the idea of jumping to just get away. There is the idea that everything around us has become unbearably heavy. Too heavy in fact, and there is no end in sight, no relief ahead and nothing promising in the horizon. There is the heavy weight of nothingness, which no one else can see but yet, only you and I can feel it.

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The Tasks Ahead

No one ever said the right thing would be easy. No one ever told me that it would be easy to deny the body or to deny my thoughts. No one ever told me this.
There are times when we want to quit. There are times when we feel pain. We feel anguish. Our anxiety hits the all-time high. There are times when we experience conflict. There are moments when there is work to do but our body does not feel up to the task; and therefore, our mind does not feel up to the task. There are times when we lack the push and the shove or the drive we need to get us through the day.

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This Is Insomnia

It is a little after 3:00 in the morning . . .
I yawn while laying on the couch because the bed frustrates me when I can’t sleep.
Ever get this way?
I find myself traversing between sleep and dreams and then waking up, wondering and thinking too much of course about insignificant things. And then I’m awake (like now, for example) with my mind in a million places at once.

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The Benefits of Synergy: Trying To Avoid Another Worldwide Problem

In spite of everything that goes on around us, life still happens. Regardless of what’s on the evening news and whether or not it rains or pours or the sun comes along to dry up all the rain, life is still life. Time is still time and nothing we can do will change this.
Make no mistake about this; the clock is always on. Time is inevitable and eventual. And it’s enough to hurt and bewilder; it’s enough to shock the heart and soul, straight down to the very core of our being. 

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The Cosmic Concept of Relationships

There are things in life that I never had. Some of which are simple things like a brand new 10-speed bicycle. Some of which are the basic rites of passage. For example, I never played a sport on a school team. Some of what I never had are the understandings that come later in life. This comes when maturity sets in. And I’m not sure if I’m mature yet. I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up. Then again, I’m not sure if I’ll grow up or if I want to. At this point, I am near the age of understanding that who I am is exactly who I am supposed to be.
I understand now that everything has its place. Perspective is everything. Hence, there is a purpose for everything. Hence, there are reasons why and reasons why not. And perhaps this is too broad. Or, perhaps this is a bit too vague. But to me, this is as clear as the sunrise that is taking place on the other side of my window right now.

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To the One in the Mirror

The truth is I don’t know who really understands or who doesn’t. The truth is you and I can look at the same thing, and yet, we can both see something completely different. Whether you and I or anyone else sees life the same way is not as important as the fact that we all have a life to live. We both have our own ways of thinking, We have our own views and our own choices to make. The truth is we all have life at our doorstep, each and every day. There is no escaping this.

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Notes From a Divorced Dad: And There I Was

At last, I was free. Or, at least I was somewhat free. There were more steps that I would have to take but I was unaware of what those steps would be. I had no clue about the need for personal change or growth. I thought this is just the way life is.

I was alone, yes. I was uncomfortable as well. The small rooms in my tiny apartment were empty. There was nothing on the walls. There was nothing to absorb the sound or stop the echoing in the rooms. There were no decorations or anything of the sort. My kitchen was the smallest I have ever seen. The cupboards were empty with the exception of a few plates and a few utensils that were left behind by the previous tenant. I went from living in a large home with a two-car garage, an in-ground pool and a nanny’s quarters to a small, upstairs apartment in someone’s private home.

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Sometimes, There Is No Right Thing To Say

It is time for us to address a common topic. It is time to recognize that unfortunately, there is loss. Dying is part of life. There are times however, when loss comes unexpectedly. There are times when loss defies the natural order of how life is supposed to be.
For example, it is unnatural for a parent to bury their child. It is unnatural when the older buries the younger. No matter what the age might be, although natural, the finality of death seems so unnatural to us; to be without someone, to never hear their voice again or see them in the flesh, to say goodbye but yet, to hold onto them with all we have because memory is all we have left is an idea that has become far too common.

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Four Simple Words

There are four words that make up one important question. I remember the challenge this presented to me and the way I was stunned for the moment. I was stunned because I lacked an answer.
The question is “What is your why?”
What is your why? As in, what is your reason or what is your purpose? What is it that gets you up and out of bed in the morning? What’s your drive?
When you hang your hat at the end of the day, what is your takeaway?
What do you want to leave behind? The initial question is “What is your why?” but the question is bigger than just one simple thing.

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