I know I’ve told you about the farm and my own version of what I’d like to create someday. I want to build a farm of my own; however, my reasons and my intentions are not the same.
My reason for this journey is no different from anyone else’s. In the beginning of my life, I suppose my goal was to find my purpose. But I struggled
I wanted to find something that made sense to me. I had challenges.
I suppose why I started writing this journal (or any of my journals) is because I wanted to detail my trip in the best possible way. My goal was to help me understand the life I lived as well as learn new ways to process the information around me.

Sure, I’ve been fed up before.
I’ve sworn off things and gone right back to them the next day. I admit it, I have my struggles with change.
I have my bouts the same as anyone else does. I’ve been at the intersection of doubt and hopeless. While standing at the crossroads of my life, I had to come to a decision. Decisions are like deadlines.
They kind of suck . . .
I had to make a change; but more, I had to make a choice to change. I had to give myself the permission to continue, to follow through, to make the moves necessary to create the change and lastly, I had to give myself the permission to look away from my usual patterns. Otherwise, I’d have been stuck in more of the same.
Know what I mean?

It is sunrise again. The city is cool but not too cold. They say that spring will be here soon and that’s fine with me. Daylight savings is just around the corner which means the sunrise will be an earlier occasion.

For now . . .
The wind is moving but its not too sharp that it cuts right through you. I know that times are about to change. Something is on the way, like an unknown letter in the mail. Something’s up. I just don’t know what it is, at least not yet.

Alone. Misunderstood. I know you all too well. But that’s okay.
Don’t worry.
I know you well enough by now which, again, is fine. 
I see you on the road and all around. I can see how far you’ve traveled.
You’ve been around the world (almost) which means you’ve seen the sights.
You’ve done the dance and you did “the things.”
But what does this mean?

I can tell the miles you’ve pulled are as countless as the dreams I have. 
I say this because I have hopes for myself which are formations of different opportunities; of course, this is all up to me to create.

So, it does get  better.
You do know this, right?
Or is this just something that people tell us when we first walk through the doors?
Is this a way to get people to something new? Maybe . . .
Maybe that’s it.

Maybe the idea of telling people “it works if you work it” is more than proving the idea that “you’re worth it.”
Instead, maybe this is a way to say that in spite of the challenges or the discouragement, you have to keep moving.
You have to replace thought with an action which, if you think about it, that’s what this is – it’s a replacement model for a habit or lifestyle. So, don’t give up is what they tell you.
Or they’ll say, “don’t quit before the miracle happens,” to which you shake your head (and sometimes your fists) because it’s hard to see that the miracle is happening, right before your eyes.

I never had much of a college experience. Then again, my head was never much for schoolwork, which was fine at the time. 
It was never a thing for me. School, that is.
I never felt comfortable in the social caste systems. I never felt comfortable with the different variations of the crowd. I didn’t know where to fit in. I didn’t know where to sit in the cafeterias or who to sit next to because, in fairness, who you sit with and who you hung around had the ability to alter your social destinations.
To be clear, I defected from the social sandboxes and the cool-kid scenarios a long, long time ago.
I had to do this – if I wanted to be free.

There were times when I was sitting in an airport and waiting for a flight. I’m an early morning person. Either that, or some of my flights were late but regardless of the time, I have always been a fan of looking out of the big window which overlooks the planes. I can see them now in my mind, the airplanes docked at their different gates. I’ve always liked this.
I like to watch as the planes take off to places unknown, the nose pointed upwards and the tail-end of the plane is downward as its body is lifting off into the sky.
I like to see this.
I like to dream about this too.
You know?

If we want to talk about doses of nostalgia, then let’s talk about something which hits home for me.
Let’s talk about something from the depths of our soul. Speaking of depths, let’s talk about the way this makes us feel, the memories, and the pictures that come to mind.
This is my point. This is my message; but more importantly, this is my way to mend the fences in my mind, to keep me going and help me find motivation to keep my hopes alive.
Therefore –

I mentioned something to you yesterday about the early sunrise. This is because spring is on the way, which is about to happen soon. That’s fine because I like an early sunrise. I like the idea of an empty road, no one else is up yet and no one else is around. There’s only me and my reflections before the day begins.
I love it this way. The sky is emerging into a new form of light. The horizon is about to show color and the darkness is fading in stages because the sun is making its way to center stage.
I like the idea of being outside, standing on a doorstep, and ahead of me is nothing more than the new sky and an otherwise empty street.
I think about this with a hopeful aspiration.
I think about the walks we could take.

Suddenly, it’s all vast and green, the hills, the fields, the leaves on the trees are all green again. They call this springtime.
To me, I call this a seasonal rebirth. Everything that faded returns.
Life blooms and the weather warms. It is the second day of March and as we spin around in orbit, our side of the world tilts one day closer to the sun. This means that soon enough, the days will be longer.
Soon the winds will be warmer and the sun will be stronger.
Soon enough, the ground will thaw and the red-breasted robins will return to signal that springtime has arrived.