There were times when I was sitting in an airport and waiting for a flight. I’m an early morning person. Either that, or some of my flights were late but regardless of the time, I have always been a fan of looking out of the big window which overlooks the planes. I can see them now in my mind, the airplanes docked at their different gates. I’ve always liked this.
I like to watch as the planes take off to places unknown, the nose pointed upwards and the tail-end of the plane is downward as its body is lifting off into the sky.
I like to see this.
I like to dream about this too.
You know?
I like the idea of being flown to different places such as the time I was flown out to San Diego or to Los Angeles. Or the time I did a transport to Texas. My client was not doing so well. He wasn’t listening too clearly either which was not helpful when going through security. They stopped him.
He was shaking as a result of his body’s chemistry. Better yet, he was shaking due to the absence of a chemical which was the reason for our departure. My job was to see to it that my client reached a treatment facility in Texas without any issue. Trust me, there were a few issues. If I’m being honest, there were quite a few. But either way, this was one of my first transports as a specialist.
I suppose what I love most about this is the reason for my departure. This trip and others that were like it are all a means to defy an old narrative in my head.
All of this was because I was cultivating my future. This trip and my others around the country were because I learned that I have something to offer. To be clear on this, I’m hoping for me.
I’ve never been to Europe, at least not yet.
I’ve never been to the Orient and again, I say not yet. I have never cultivated or nurtured my dreams as much as I do now; therefore, the more I work towards these things, the more realistic these hopes will become.
I’ve had requests from Singapore, England and Ireland to see more of my empowerment workshops.
This might not be much or sound huge to others but to me, this is a sign that I have outgrown the kid and the boy is gone. This means I’ve allowed myself to evolve as well as emerge from my cocoon.
It is interesting to me how different we are. Better yet, it is interesting to learn about our judgments and, of course, how naturally people automatically assume that they’re right. We think; therefore, what we think must be true. Right?
Wrong . . .
It is interesting how people claim to listen yet the most common thing people will listen to are their thoughts and their opinions. This, of course, leaves the person (or people) who speaks to them either unheard or misunderstood.
This becomes a problem with our communication skills as well as our levels of association when trying to decipher between fact or opinion. Then again, egocentricity is a trick of its own. This leads us to believe that our opinions are always correct which is not always the case.
I can remember giving a heartfelt eulogy at my Mom’s funeral.
If you were there, I think you would have appreciated this.
I explained about the things that I was thinking and feeling.
I offered my love and sentiments to Mom’s memory.
But then I addressed the crowd.
I offered the crowd an easy-out clause. I offered them the opportunity to understand that in times of loss or at times like this one, there are no right things to say. Words will only fall short.
Say I love you.
Say I’m sorry and I’m here for you.
Say any variation of this.
When someone is experiencing grief, understand that words are not helpful,
but action is.
Stand by them. Do not overdo or overstep.
This does more harm than help.
Me, I’m a foodie.
For example, when Jerry’s Mom passed, I heard the news and before calling, I sent an order of food to the house. This was bagels and stuff for the family to eat. I waited for the order to get to him; to which he called me upon receipt.
I told him, look . . . I know there’s a lot going on and there’s a lot to handle.
I explained how I know that nothing anyone will say is going to help.
So, I figured let’s make sure your family has a full belly.
This way, there’s one less thing to think about.
When someone loses a loved one, telling that person, “They’re not in pain anymore,” or how “They’re not suffering anymore,” or that “They’re in a better place,” is not helpful.
First, no one wants to be reminded of someone’s pain.
No one wants to be reminded of suffering.
Secondly, we tend to want to take away the pain from our loved ones.
When we can’t or when all seems helpless, there’s often a misdirected sense of blame or guilt when it comes to this – so please, don’t add this to a narrative and say, “Don’t blame yourself.”
Lastly, telling someone who lost a loved one “They’re in a better place,” makes no sense because the best place for our loved ones to be is with us, by us or at the dinner table.
Rest assured that this is true.
Now, getting back to the eulogy at Mom’s funeral, I offered the idea to keep it simple.
I suggested the easiest path which is “Don’t look for the right things to say.”
Just be there for us . . .
I can remember the room at Mom’s funeral.
I can see it now. I can see the heads that were nodding in agreement.
I explained that this occasion is not about them.
This is a celebration of life. Trying to find the right things to say at a funeral is not only pointless but this can be hurtful as well.
Naturally, everyone who nodded their heads must have assumed that this message was for someone else.
I say this because literally everyone came up and said what I suggested not to say.
I swear, people are a trip.
And so is the mind . . .
It’s funny how the mind works. It’s funny how the ego blinds us.
It’s funny how we project our thoughts and our feelings into the atmosphere and when we hear things, almost automatically, we assume what applies and what doesn’t.
In a short while, I will be working on a weekly presentation of mine.
I do this in a corporate setting.
My aim is to be informative; but more, the aim is to also be entertaining and fun.
I want this to be refreshing and humanizing because before we are a job title or before we hold a position in a company and before we fill a role as a manager or an assistant; whether we are client facing or systems-based; we are us before we’re anything else.
We are people first. This is true across the board.
This is true from entry level to executive level, from jump street to C-suite; either way, we are all human.
We all have lives. We all have our own culture. We all come from a specialized background and we all have our own unique fingerprints. If we are lucky enough to pull off our trick then we will be fortunate enough to leave a string of indentations on this world.
Each and every one of us has the right to go, be, do.
We all have the right to live. Be aware to be mindful, to be carefree, to sing out loud or dance like we don’t care who’s watching.
It’s funny how our thinking impacts us.
I came across a few psychological facts which I plan to include in my next showing.
Studies on the brain have always fascinated me.
For example, it is said that the person on your mind before you fall asleep is either the reason for your happiness or your pain.
I can account for this.
I can see how this is true.
Also, it’s been studied that the more you try to hide your feelings for someone, the more you fall for them.
I can see this.
I can also see how this can run in the other direction.
I can see how the more you try to hide your distaste for someone (or something) the more disdainful you become.
No matter where you go, there you are, which means there’s no hiding from yourself.
Another psychological trick is that when you study for something, chew gum, so that when you take the test, chewing the same flavored gum will help you remember what you’ve studied.
Our mind is really stuck in a game of association.
And that’s all life is.
It’s a game of connection and association.
It’s a brain game, folks.
That’s all there is to it.
For example, there have been behavioral health studies which show that when a person loses their cell phone; they experience a panic attack that is equivalent to a near-death experience.
Now, I get it if someone says “Hey. isn’t that a bit dramatic?”
Absolutely, it is.
But aren’t we a dramatic society?
Aren’t we an emotional society?
Now, the loss of a cell phone might not be totally accurate for everyone.
But again, this is only a game of association.
Remember?
You and I might not associate with the same things but rest assured, we all understand the panic of loss or near-death experiences.
Other reports share that the happier you are, the less sleep you’ll need to function.
The less you say, the more your words will matter.
The more homework a child receives, the more likely the child will struggle with depression.
So now, let’s go back to the ideas of association.
Let’s think about the pressures we put on ourselves.
My association varies from yours, which is fine.
The more we bog ourselves down with the inaccuracies in our mind and the more we try to hide ourselves; or the more we say because we’re afraid or uncomfortable or we need ‘to fix’ something – and the more we do, sometimes this relates to the more we lose time or waste our energies to the point of diminishing returns.
The mind is one hell of a trick.
This is why I decided to learn more about my head and the way I think.
I used to believe that, at best, this was all I could ever be.
I used to believe that certain business trips were meant for people who were above my caliber.
I thought that all I could be was simple.
I never assumed that anyone would listen to me, let alone ask me to stand in front of classrooms or boardrooms or stand in gymnasiums. I never thought about calling myself an expert at my craft.
But I am.
(and so are you)
My association was based on learned or taught inaccuracies.
Therefore, my aims to exceed or reach beyond the ideas of my limitations was stunted.
I was like a bird in a cage that was too small for my wings to spread.
I am not young anymore. Time is finite and while I understand that the clock is always ticking; there is something youthful about my realization.
I am young in the sense that I am new to the life that I want to create. I am new to this being which is me. I am new to myself because, at last, I have decided to reintroduce myself to the real me.
I have kept the child within me in a pristine or unused state.
Now, it’s time to remove the wrapper.
Now that I have allowed myself to disassociate with the wrong ideas or the training that I have received from my past; I have decided to introduce new skills and new ideas to create a brand new future.
I’ve decided to let myself go, be, and to do whatever it is that makes me think, feel, perform and live better.
This doesn’t mean the world is out there waiting to give me a break.
Not at all.
No, this just means that I’ve finally allowed myself to break the curses in my head.
This allows me to step forward into the life that I’ve always wanted to have.
I don’t know when my next flight will be. I don’t know where I’ll go either.
The trip could be to somewhere huge or this could be to nowhere in particular.
But either way, I can see me now; sitting in a terminal while facing the big bay windows and watching the planes pull away from their gates.
I can see this in my mind, early in the morning, just at sunrise.
I can picture the planes lifting off from their runways with their noses pointed towards the morning sun.
Their tails are down as the planes lift upwards. And they’re off.
And so am I
I’m off to leave my mark on this world.
I want to leave an indentation that can never be duplicated.
“It’s just a box of rain . . .”
That’s a song from the Grateful Dead but, to me, this is a game of association.
This means believe it if you need it or leave it if you dare.
And me, I took what I need to believe which is in me.
The rest, I dared to leave and the following to come is all brand new from here.
I promise.
The Written Addiction 