I’d like to go back to that idea that I told you about earlier in this journal.
I want to go back to that plan I had of what I would like to say to my younger self if I had the chance.
The first thing I would say is, “Don’t listen to them!”
I understand that when I say, “Don’t listen to them,” the term is broad and perhaps vague.
But still—the advice is true and the freedom this could have given me would have changed my childhood, for sure. Hence, this would have changed my life as well.
Don’t listen to them.
When it comes to the case of me, or myself, and the conflicts that come with thinking too much and along with the internal challenges that come with insecure ideas that promotes fear instead of motivating our best efforts, I wish someone would have recognized the symptoms and told me not to listen to the bullshit.
Maybe someone did try and I was too lost in my thoughts.
Or, maybe someone tried to help me and because I thought that my case was beyond repair or that I was destined to be this way, I never listened because “Why bother?”
At best, we are who we believe we are. If you believe that this is all that you can be or that you could only be fair to average, or fair to midland at best, then prepare yourself for the soulless boredom of complacent mediocrity.
When it comes to my body or my body type, or when it comes to the ideas of strength or being strong and to be seen as “desirable,” I wish I knew more about my inherent worth and my value—hence, if I could have told my younger self anything, I would have told me, “Don’t listen to them.”
You are far my amazing than you think. And as for your beauty, kid, you are the most beautiful person in your world. No one else can even touch you. No one can reach your level of stardom. However, if you choose to keep yourself grounded and if you fail to reach for the stars, or at least try, regardless of how elusive stardom may be, then again, be prepared for the long ride to nowhere and enjoy your place in the middle of the crowd, faceless as ever because you never chose to be anyone else or to stand out as you are, and be yourself.
Don’t listen to them.
In fact, do not listen to anyone who does not create a spark or lead you to build and grow.
Only listen to those who trigger the drive for you to go, be and do.
Select your team.
Stop telling everyone your dreams or your problems.
Sharing is caring but care more about who you share your life with and be assured that whomever you choose to share your time with, make sure they are worthwhile and that your love and care is returned equally, as in reciprocal and mutually beneficial.
When it comes to the wealth of our dreams and the truth behind our hopes and the desires that we have inside, but never dared to share about them openly or even tell someone about them in secrecy—if I could go back to my younger self and impress any sort of helpful advice, I would point at a paper and pen.
I would have told me, “Don’t be scared.”
Then I would have said, “Just write on, Poet.”
“Don’t stop until there’s nothing left to say.”
I would point to the fields where I used to hide when I was young. I would point at the back alleys and empty parking lots, the little hiding spots that I would go to alone, or the fields behind the schools or the other places in my little town which is where my life happened and my tragedies as well.
I would point at all of this and point to the scars which were both visible and unseen and explain, “Don’t listen to them!”
I’d say, “don’t listen,” because the truth is we bought into the ideas of better and less-than for way too long. Hence, I held myself in accordance with socially desirable ideas because I wanted to be seen and included. I wanted to be more than just some kid in the classroom. I wanted to be regarded and noted.
I wanted to be more.
I wanted to feel this special sense of life, as in to feel alive at every given moment and not be stuck in the cobwebs of doubt or regret.
I wanted to be free, as in to really feel this sense of “self” and to believe that I am accomplished and to have this come from deep within myself.
I wanted to be whole instead of half or failing to try or quitting before I started. Thus, I would never dare to give it my all or reach beyond the measure.
I would tell me, “Don’t listen to them.”
I would say that everyone is trying to get ahead.
Everyone wants to reach the top and no one wants to stand in line.
I would advise that there are those who continue and those who quit or surrender; and there are those who submit to the status-quo, and those who accept the table scraps of attention with the belief that says, “hey, this is the best that I’ll ever get.’
But none of this is true.
I would teach myself to never rise to just the ceiling of your limitations.
Never allow yourself to believe that you are incapable of improvement or that you are unable to better yourself, one day at a time, and never let the ceiling of your talents mean that you cannot surpass your limitations, and be better than anything you ever imagined.
I never believed in myself—at least not much.
This was especially when I was a kid. No, I believed in the social norms and since I saw myself as anything but normal and, of course, since I believed that I was somehow lacking, I never believed that I could do more than just adapt and improve.
I never thought I could overcome and surpass any limitation that was put upon me, which I have.
Don’t listen to them.
And sometimes, this means I shouldn’t listen to me either.
If at all possible, and if this fantasy of mine were to come true and I was able to reach back to that younger version or me, I would say, “Don’t listen.”
Don’t listen to them tell you that you can’t learn like other kids.
You’re not stupid.
Don’t listen to them when they talk about you or put you down.
Don’t own any description or definition that does not belong to you.
Okay?
Don’t listen to their labels—not once because labels are limiting and each time you allow someone to place a label on you, you allow them to limit you to a description, or a stigma, or you allow them to limit you to a definition that says—this is all you can be.
But that’s not true.
So, don’t listen.
I want you to reject their ideas.
I reject the labels and the so-called diagnosis and the titles. If I could tell the younger me, “Don’t listen,” I would do this and choose to stand guard, or to be somewhat of a protector to end the bullies that reigned over me in my youthful mind.
I do remember trying to explain myself to people.
But this only happened on rare occasions . . .
For the most part, I was told that this is part of being a kid or that I was just a kid and life is going to change, which I get it—life changed. Life changed more than once. In fact, life is still changing. However, at the time of the insults or during the periods of youthful crisis, I was confused. I was scared. I was angry. And yes, I was lost.
I wanted help but I lacked the ability to ask or the language to explain myself.
The problem is I listened to too many people.
I accepted the labels and I accepted the diagnosis that were handed to me. I accepted that this was my fate or that I was destined to be either stupid or faulty, or flawed.
I believed that no matter how hard I tried to reach the top, my top would only be somewhere around the middle—and that if I made it to the middle, I should be thankful.
No, I should be grateful.
No wait, I should be jumping up and down and absolutely delighted because someone like me was able to do a simple thing, like get a menial job, or learn how to tie my shoelaces and be subservient to an educationally snobbish world without challenging anyone with my own rebellion.
To hell with that.
Don’t listen to them.
Don’t listen to the so-called friends who only keep you around for their own personal agenda or keep you in a box or because they need someone to take out the trash and they’re too lazy or high and mighty to do it themselves.
Do not listen to the people who love to inspire doubt.
Do not listen to the labels or the teachers or to the people who would otherwise consider you incapable.
The only thing that I want you to learn from teachers like this is that they are wrong.
Do not listen to the people who tell you not to bother or to quit while you’re ahead.
No, to hell with them.
Do not listen to anyone who does not talk to you in a way that inspires greatness or triggers that motivation for you to get up and get going.
Listen to people who influence courage instead of doubts and shame.
Listen to those who encourage you to rise and to listen to those who support your dreams or tell you to “go at it!” and to “give it a shot!”
I would explain that our youth is the breeding ground of lifelong habits — so from now on, get into the habit of listening to those who encourage and support you.
Get into the habit of finding your endurance.
Find your perseverance because the same as quitting can become a habit—success can become a habit too.
And that’s a good habit to have.
Stay away from the kids or the people who put you down.
Don’t listen to them.
Stay away from the people who talk to you in a way that makes you think worse about yourself.
Don’t listen to them at all . . .
If you can’t find someone to encourage you or if you find that there’s no one out there in the stands, watching you play this game called “life,” and if you look around and you see that no one is cheering for you—then call me because I can promise you one thing –
No one in the world will ever cheer louder for you than me.
Count on it!
The Written Addiction 