There is only one youth
and yes, life has a way
of changing and redirecting us
or better yet,
life has a way of correcting us
and teaching us different steps.
Life has a way of changing the way
we think or speak,
and then, somehow,
we come full circle
or we revert to who we were
or where we’ve come from.
I swear, sometimes,
we walk a million miles in a circle
just to come back
and realize
that all of this was useless
and life was right here, with us
at all times.
We just failed to open our eyes
and see what we had,
and what’s gone,
so we come back to where we began
to learn if the possibilities
of a “do-over”
can still be possible.
But honesty must prevail
and in the case of honesty,
we have to recognize that minutes pass
and time accumulates
into months and years.
The ideas of savoring
or wasting moments
is more apparent to me now
because, respectfully,
nothing is wasted
as long as we learn our lessons.
Nothing is wasted if we come out
with a take-away
and realize that each of our yesterdays
can (and should) be spent in good faith
to build a better tomorrow.
But to understand this
takes awareness
and in the face of awareness,
we have to understand that awareness
takes time – – and sometimes,
I admit,
it takes me longer than others
(to learn).
Life has a way of opening up,
as if to dovetail in some feathery appeal,
as if to show us something poignant
or valuable enough that we realize
and recognize our truths
and that no, it’s not to late to change
or reshape ourselves
and adjust our pattern
to build a new life.
It’s okay to say goodbye
to something that is or was
unfulfilling
and it’s okay to allow ourselves the right to explore
or to find out what waits for us
and see how we can improve.
And yes, to be honest,
there is a part of me
who wishes to be young again
or if not young again, there is more a part
of me who wishes to feel that sense
of youthful exuberance
or to feel that state of youngness;
whereas, yes, I have aged—however, my age
has taught me the utmost and most valuable thing
which is this—
hold on to the purity of youth
because the flowers of our youth can outlive time
if we nurture them. If not,
the petals can wilt
and so can we, as in shrivel with age
and become sad
and colorless.
Do not let go of the ideas or the hopes
or the dreams
nor should we forget the ideas of wonder
or the fascination of, say,
the way Christmas morning takes effect
and how dreams of Santa Claus
and hopes of family gatherings
and hugs from favorite cousins
and big dinners fill our bellies with food
and our hearts are filled with love.
These are great things
I lost a lot of this
but now,
I am here to fight
and gain them back.
I never understood the value of these moments
or understood
how irreplaceable or precious
these times are.
There is only one youth; however,
I find that we have been reconnected
or somehow redirected to an old truth,
which may have been lost
or somehow – maybe, we lost our way
through this trickery which we call age
or perhaps we lost this
because we forgot how to have fun
or maybe we lost this
due to a failed sense of priority,
and in our rush to find our place in line,
or in a hurry to find validity,
or in our mistaken moments
when we settled for less
instead of living for what or who we truly want
and as a means to establish our circle,
or find a place in this world
to call our own—we lose sight
of some crucial and amazing things.
I see how many years have been wasted.
I see what fights and feuds create
and how years can fly by
and become decades.
I see how dances can be missed
or opportunities
can be wasted and equally discarded
like trash,
and I see how the “need’ to be right or
the need to be valid
or at least validated,
and the need to be proven or accepted
can take years away from our attention
and rather than be happy — I see how
we spend so much time trying to be right,
that we lose sight of the moments
and then we forget—
There is only one youth,
and albeit a challenge, at times
we spend so much time
“trying to be right,”
that we forget how to be happy.
I almost forgot how to explore
or play,
but not anymore.
No, I think that I am ready
to find myself
back at the wishing well,
with stacks of quarters
and each one is a representation
of a new dream, or a new wish
or hope . . .
I think of things, like, say
a child or some graduation
or like how the so-called normal,
or everyday student
walks across the stage to grab an award
or a diploma.
I think about the victory of this
and how no one else
would know what it took
just to get up there
and do this. . .
And I think about how valuable this is
or how valuable it is to be honored enough
to witness an occasion like this,
or to see a child, a little girl perhaps
or how young and perfect she is
like an angel and as I watch,
I think to myself, ah . . .
you go ahead, kid.
You walk that stage . . .
“like a boss!”
See?
I need you to understand something.
I never walked across a stage like this.
In fact,
I only had a few to minimal experiences
where I enjoyed certain rites of passage
and few to minimal experiences
where my youth was celebrated—and so,
I see this now with different eyes,
or should I say that I see this now
through experienced eyes—and so
I urge you please, with all of my heart
“value this!”
Own this moment
and hold this deep in your heart.
Remember something (always)
Childhood only comes once
and yes, youth or youthfulness
is truly a state of mind;
however, and as for my state of mind,
I find myself a witness to something
beyond incredible
and teary-eyed and proud,
I find myself realizing that yes,
youth only comes once
and also,
the wealth of our childhood
deserves protection.
And so do you.
Furthermore,
I see and fully understand
the need to be valid, or validated
and furthermore,
I understand more about the values
of a good celebration.
Everyone deserves to be celebrated.
I know this now.
I recognize that youth has a way of being stolen
and life, in and of itself,
can come various thefts of service;
in which case, the purity of youth
can be stolen
the same as a bully steals the right to believe
in, say, the tooth fairy to some young one
who is still happy to believe in wonder
and miracles—and the same as it is
when we believe that Grandmas
and Grandpas can save the world,
the purity of youth deserves to be guarded
And so, as long as I stand,
I swear to be a protector.
That’s why I do this.
This is why I weep sometimes.
And this is why I care.
I do not wish my past on anyone;
however, I wish this on you . . .
my wish is for you to understand
the purity of your heart and to know
that your beauty can never be tarnished.
I wish for you
so that your life can be whole
or at least a whole lot better than
someone who goes unnoticed or unloved
or undiagnosed or misdiagnosed
and yet, my wish for you is to play your cards,
play the games, and defy the limits
or the definitions, which do not empower you.
My wish is that you laugh more and dance more,
and when or if at all possible,
love more than you possibly can
and give more than you bargained for,
even if love seems unreturned
just trust that no,
no one can tarnish your beauty
and no one else in the world
is as beautiful as you,
or as wonderful
or youthful.
My wish is that your youth can and will
always be restored,
each morning . . .
. . . and each night
before you rest your eyes to sleep,
please know that true love is relentless
and temporary love
is only a steppingstone
or a teacher, who opens the door
to your next chapter
and allows you to love more
and with a fuller heart.
I don’t ever want to grow so old
that I forget how to play.
I don’t ever want to grow so old
that my youth shrivels or fades
and more, I don’t ever want to be so old
or so critical or jaded
that I become colorless
or forget that age is only a number
but being young is a state of mind.
I offer this because
I lost decades to the need to be right
or to be valid
or loved
and I lost decades trying to prove myself
or trying to fit
where, in fairness, I tried to make things happen
or fit myself where I didn’t belong.
I don’t want to be stranded on an island
or a land without a queen
or a man without being a king.
I’m done with those ways.
My old ways that is.
I want to play now.
Any game you’d like . . .
Hide and seek
or we can play pretend
or we can count the stars
or talk about the tooth fairy
or the man on the moon
or, if we really want,
we can find our favorite characters
and make believe we know them
on a first name basis—just so we can play
and pretend that yes,
we can be young forever
and not even age
can stop us.
All I need right now,
is a good walk near a honey suckle bush
and some nice skies
or the sounds of summer,
like when the cicadas chatter from the trees
and when the breeze blows warmly
across my face.
My life has changed
quickly
and at this point, I welcome this perspective
which takes me from loveless
to hopeful
from lonely,
to the company of someone
who can love me back
both fully and wholeheartedly
from now, until forever. . .
I swear, or better yet,
like kids used to say when we were little
I pinky promise.
Okay?
The Written Addiction 