Is there any hope in pain?
Or is pain part of hope?
And perhaps both are true
or interchangeable
and perhaps pain is part of learning
or understanding
and perhaps pain is part of our awakening
to which, we wake up
and we learn that we have to change,
or if nothing else,
we have to go about our dreams
a different way.

I can say this is an ode to those
who put me down
or to those who told me
don’t even think about it
or that as hard as I try
I’d be fortunate to be average
or to be anything special;
I’d be lucky because
either I was not from their club
or tribe
or that someone who looks
like “me” or speaks the way I do,
with a New York accent, somewhat
obvious and a so-called “way”
about me, I remember being told
that perhaps, at best,
I’d be more suitable for jails . . .

And so goes the delusions of youth
or the delusions of grandeur
and so goes the world as we knew
or the way that we saw it when, say,
we thought that everything
could be answered by a long night out
with friends . . .
or like it was during the summer nights
down by the water—out until the dawn came
and ah, yes,
it was good to be young and hopeful
or careless or maybe
we were still young enough
to be carefree
because life hadn’t picked up speed
yet.

There is only one youth
and yes, life has a way
of changing and redirecting us
or better yet,
life has a way of correcting us
and teaching us different steps.

Life has a way of changing the way
we think or speak,
and then, somehow,
we come full circle
or we revert to who we were
or where we’ve come from.

What inspires hope?
Is it life?
Is it someone or something
that creates or acts like a seed,
and then triggers a thought . . .
or is it a connection
which somehow,
changes us for either the better
or worse?

Is the inspiration of hope
something that brings a spark
or starts the fire inside,
or is hope the drive that keeps us alive
and despite the ugly truths,
somehow, we see life in a different way
and should this be true,
is hope the light that degrades the darkness
and removes the blindness
to eye, which can otherwise see . . .
is that it?

It is my intention to accentuate the benefits
of hope, or if not,
and if for no other reason,
my intention with this journal,
or these posts are to illustrate
one simple thing—
There is no hope in hopelessness,
and there is no peace in resentment.

I know this all too well.

How do you win?
Or better yet, how do you stick it out,
or stick through the rough spots,
or hold on through the humbleness
of falling down, or being knocked down
or beaten and dragged to the right
or left; and essentially,
how does one find the endurance
or the drive to continue
and to persevere
or how do we keep going
when it seems
as if we keep losing ground?

There are times
when you are going to ask yourself,
what the hell was I thinking?
I swear this happens to everybody.

There are times when we look back
at our so-called hard times
or the troubles from our past,
and then we’ll shake our heads
or we’ll laugh and realize
that maybe it wasn’t so bad.

1)

And the times that we count on
are mounting, and the minutes we plan for
are quick.
And the days that we hoped for are fleeting,
but the good memories we can build
never fade.

And I find myself, here in the doorway,
looking outwards at the sunrise,
while the days behind me have mounted,
the days ahead can be vague.

 I’m starting to wonder about something.
And to be closer to the point,
or more specifically,
I am starting to wonder if my level of hope
has anything to do with the level
or the relationship I have
with my self-esteem.

I say this because
I think that there’s a change in need
when it comes to my belief system
or should I say
there has to be a change made
when it comes
to the belief in myself.