152)
We need to move
and at the same time
we need to pay attention
to the direction,
as in where do we want to go?
How do we want to get there?
Which way do we want to head first,
when do we want to start,
and what are we willing to do
to get where we want to be?
I think this is valuable to think about.
Wait no,
I believe this is crucial,
this is critical,
imperative, and therefore
by using the forward narrative,
we can move ahead
and never look back
unless we choose
to see how far we’ve gone.
I recall times, moments
and years of my life
where I rehearsed my goodbyes
and practiced my speeches
and role-played the talks
I never had the guts to have
face to face.
I remember all the times,
moments, years and, of course,
I remember my previous lifetimes
which seems like ages ago,
and I remember back when
I began to pack
or believed I had the courage to go—
only I never made it out of the door.
But why?
153)
There is no use
of wasted time
and so,
wasting time
does nothing else.
but leaves me useless.
Or at minimum—this does nothing
else but leaves me ineffective
or inactive or worse,
I can become stagnant and lost
like a prisoner
who looks at the clock
and sees nothing but months
or years, or maybe even lifetimes
before his sentence
is complete.
There is no use
in sitting around and wondering why . . .
in fact, I believe that Bob Dylan
sung the same thing
when he sang,
“There ain’t no use to sit
and wonder why,
baby,
if’n you don’t know by now.”
Dylan sang this from a different regard,
yet, no, his aim to leave
or to find a better spot
is no different from my ache
to see the dawn
from a new place
or feel zest for life
from a new perspective
or to see new lights
and with that,
I say yes,
there is bravery here.
I say it is brave to make a choice
and do what you need to do
Just for you, and just like Dylan sang
“Don’t think twice, it’s alright.”
I think about the dedication it takes
to make that choice
and to rise from the wrong table
stand up
push your chair back in
and walk away
without ever looking back.
I think this is brave
and beautiful
but above all,
I say this is heroic.
154)
I always wanted to be something
or to do something
or in my heart,
I always wanted to be
someone different,
or even better,
I have always wanted to stray from the pack
and rather than do something
like the typical 9-5
or the Monday through Friday,
or instead of going with the grain,
I have always wanted to create
a grain of my own.
I’m not looking to go against the grain
nor am I looking to start any trouble
or pick a fight—no,
my aim is to be more of someone
who decided to live
or to be someone
who is unlike the masses
who do nothing else
but decide to exist
and coexist with the mundane features
or mediocrity.
I want to grow.
I want to build.
I want to seal my fate
and find myself
at the brink of accomplishment
just so I can look back
at my old doubtful self
and say look,
you see?
We did it.
155)
I am the son of a simple man,
complicated as ever and a paradox
of course,
just like life is a paradox,
or a maze,
or like how light takes place
at the break of dawn;
or like how the speed of sound
is astounding by nature,
but more importantly,
I want to be like the light you see
when the sun begins at daybreak.
I want to be impenetrable
or better,
i want to be unbeatable
and even if I am beaten
I want to be unmoved
or unbreakable by words, which is not to say
that I don’t want to feel.
no, I understand
that I have to know tears
before I can understand
the sunshine of your smile.
I am the son of a simple woman
and I come from a simple place
complicated as ever, and cognitively
filled with direction, choices,
faults, and flaws, failures
and fear, and yes, of course—
I say fear,
because I am afraid,
of course I am.
Deservedly so
What do I do if I never make it on time?
What happens if my life
doesn’t turn out as I planned?
What do I do if the book closes
before I have the chance to finish
saying the things
I need to get off my chest?
What do I say the moment
when I meet my maker
and he shows me the truth
about what I’ve done?
I guess Dylan was right.
There ain’t no use
to sit and wonder why,
if’n I don’t know by now.
Light is coming earlier now
and the Great Mother says
that springtime will be here soon.
And at last,
our spot of the world will lean
closer to the sun
and the warmth will thaw the colder heart.
And me?
I have more to do
and so much
has already been left undone.
I’m not gonna think twice, Mr. Dylan,
Time to go now and revisit
the most important thing
of all:
What is your purpose?
I don’t know the answer to that yet,
but I hope
I find out
soon . . .
The Written Addiction 