I know there’s more for me to learn. And I will always have more to say.
I suppose this is why I will close this journal today and start a new one tomorrow.
And I know . . .
I’ve skipped a class more than I should have, —and yes, the Almighty Teacher is always watching and as far as I can tell, She is always taking attendance.
Skip a class, and She comes to find you because the Almighty Teacher is not one to give up on her students, regardless of how defiant that might be.

I hated the politics of the classrooms. And I still do.
Did I ever tell you how I used to hide in some of the closets behind a stage when I was in school?
Did I ever tell you about the anxieties that plagued me ?
Or have I mentioned how this followed me into my adulthood?
I’m sure that I have.
Of course, I have.

I suppose it’s true what they say. You can’t see the forest from the trees. And so, I suppose I never assumed that I would be where I am now, or if at all possible, I never thought there would be a “now,” at least, not when I was alive back then.

There is no future.
There is only this moment.

I see the world like a tiny ball of mercury, which I held in my hand once. Shimmering. Mysterious and odd.
Daring in some ways, and simple in most regards.
It is what it is, is what we always say.

1)

It has been said by many, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.

I was told that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

I beg to differ.

If I am to find whatever it is or whatever it takes to get me to where I need to be, then I have to look and be willing to do whatever it takes to get wherever this is.
By any means. No excuses.
And should my fears intimidate me get in my way, then I must allow the depths of my will and intent to grow stronger.
I must let my will and my intent gain the strength it takes to outweigh the whispers that shout louder than my insecure screams.

There is no such thing as being inferior.
Understand?

If I am to be the person I choose to be, then I have to take the steps to achieve whatever it takes to get me to where I need to be.
And so, make no mistake.
If it is up to me.
Then it is up to me.

And so . . .

Morning, coffee, my dreams
The machine, which is life and the wheels
that spin . . .
Man, they are certainly turning
too fact.

It is almost March and the mad pace
of everyday life and the subways
are enough to make a man crazy
on his way home.

Another one of the City’s Homeless
decided to see if I or someone else
would take the bait and fight.

I did not meet this man halfway
but I did persuade him
to think differently about me

He agreed.

This is for you
Fran.
I suppose no one else could understand
except for you.
Then again, I suppose this is what makes you who you are.

This is why –
I love you
and this is why everyone who meets you
Loves you as well!

Ah, The East River.
New York City
Early at sunrise. Thursday.
Come to think of it, the sun is coming up earlier now, which means that yes, the winter will slowly give way and thaw of springtime will be here before we know it.
You have always been beautiful to me. And I have seen you throughout the years, always moving, always quiet, and always watching the world around you just like the Ever-loving Mother, and Mother of All, full of grace, Holy with attitude and generous with your judgments.

At the risk of repeating myself, gone is gone.
Dead is dead and buried is buried.
We all know this.
Or maybe I repeating myself when I say that we all know this from an intellectual standpoint.
Emotionally, however, emotions are a different story altogether.

No amount of pleading with fate or begging for something to rewind or replay can change what took place.
We know this to.
Yet, still, we try.
We beg.
We pray and we ask.
Please, just one more chance??

There’s no way back.
Or better yet, there’s no way to go back to what was said or change what happened.
This is a great lesson to learn.
You cannot change or relitigate the past.
And this is another great lesson to learn.

Whatever could have (or should have) happened, did happen, and no amount of pretending or avoiding or negotiating can change what took place.
So, learn.
Open your eyes.
Pay attention.
And learn your lesson.

I was somewhere in the eighth grade. I was far from a student and far from someone with a good sense of comprehension.
I hated reading. I hated the books and the material. I hated homework even more, which is why I never seemed to do mine or any other schoolwork, for that matter.
English was never a strong subject for me. Then again, none of my subjects were either strong or interesting to me.
I hated school

It must have been closer to the end of the year. This was the first time I ever heard anyone read Hamlet or Shakespeare.

My English teacher was older. She was tough and she was not someone who I would look at and find attractive.
Until . . .