But Teacher, I Am Trying (My Best)

I have loved these days, though gone, years ago and folded away as if to be placed in little folded envelopes to keep in my inside pocket of my so-called vest and keep them as keepsakes.
This is my worth, right here.
And yes, this is all I have now.

I have these moments of life when the sun was high, the wind was warm, and the feel from the ocean at my feet was enough to leave me with the feelings of satisfaction.
But to add, I have more to this which is far deeper than what the surface mind would catch or understand.
And so, if you wouldn’t mind and if I can lay down my mask and shield and put my swords away, I would like to share my softer side.
Or more, I would like to show you what I fear most and never dare to show anyone.

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But Teacher, I Am Trying (My Best)

And so,
I don’t suppose that you meet many people in your life who take part in such a way
And so,
I suppose it would be hard for anyone to subscribe to the idea that heroes are real and that Angels can, or will, or that they do exist and appear to us, here on Earth.

And so,
If you don’t know then my guess is you can’t know.
You wouldn’t know what it feels like to be rejected or unwanted and then, somehow, someone like the above comes to you with no agenda other than to let you know that yes,  you do matter. 

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But Teacher I Am Trying (My Best)

I miss my walks. . .

I used to take these walks for a reason
I love the way early morning looks and how the sun comes up. I love the emptiness of the quiet streets in my town, which was otherwise sleeping at daybreak.
I love the way my feet felt when they hit the pavement, as if every step had its own individual purpose and yes, each step walked with intention.
I slammed my foot down as if to be determined, and I was more determined with each step.
This was great!
I swear.

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But Teacher, I am Trying (My Best)

Snowfall.
This is the first significant one
of the season,
I assume today would be better spent
if I spent it where I want to be
instead of spending it here.

Today _
I go back to the roots of my dream
Poetry

and . . .
so . . .

I start with this –

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But Teacher, I Am Trying (My Best)

This is written as somewhat of a mission statement.
So, I will understand if you choose to abort this now.
Then again, this is not your mission.
Not by any means.
So in fairness . . .
Your participation is not necessary.

I offer this as a personal interference to which I am intercepting the off-putting ideas of self-doubt.
Therefore, do not give up.
If the word never is real then so is forever.

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But Teacher, I Am Trying (My Best)

This is to you, Ma . . .

I know . . .
. . . it’s been a while.
it’s been even longer since we walked or talked
or had the chance to sit and eat.

Mom.
No one knows what it’s like.
Or no, I assume that no one could know what it was like for me, or for you
But we do.

We know of course because we both lived through what we lived through.
And such is life, in another lifetime.
And though he changed the scenery and Act 1 became Act 2 and so on, time will always be the undefeated winner because time waits for no one . . .
“. . . it passes you by.”

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But Teacher, I Am Trying (My Best)

The funny thing is I don’t miss much about my so-called yesterdays.
Least of all, I do not miss the times or the memories that no longer seem to benefit me.
So much has happened.
But yesterday is yesterday.

I am so far removed from who I was, regardless of how close I’d like to be
Or maybe it would be better to say there are parts of my past which seemed to have happened in another lifetime.

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But Teacher, I Am Trying (My Best)

And suddenly, I am someone else and jettisoned to someplace warm, like say,
away from all the useless small talk and the nonsense that takes place in our everyday journey.
I have this dream.
That’s all.
It’s nothing huge or crazy.
This is more simple than it seems.
I swear it is.

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But Teacher, I Am Trying (My Best)

This is from the heart, of course.
I swear that all of this is true and that all of this is unfiltered.
I have to do this, by the way.
I have to let this out, otherwise, emotions can spoil and my thoughts can turn against me.

I say all of this without thinking, as if to open the gates and let my thoughts run like hungry dogs who’ve been pent up for way too long.
And same as the dogs, I need to eat too.

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