Category Archives: Life Volume 1

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Life Volume 1: Life As It Grows

I am sitting now, awaiting a meeting in loft-like surroundings, Downtown near Gramercy, with high, white walls and gray, hardwood flooring. I am waiting, nervous of course, and wondering what step will come next. I have a mind full of dreams and plans in the works but I am not altogether sure what the finished product will look like.
I want to see myself in the next step of this process with me, walking proudly down Irving Plaza with a bag over my shoulder and longtime dream achieved.
I want to step forward, as if to resurrect an old goal of mine and allow myself the moment to accomplish a plan that hatched when I was still young, bright-eyed, and dreamy.

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Life Volume 1: The Ability To Recover

There are no guarantees in life.I know this the same as I know that tomorrow will come and so will the next day after that. I know these things are on the way, but yet, I have no idea what they will bring with them.
I have no idea who I will meet or say goodbye to. I have no idea what successes are in store for me. And just the same, I am not sure what failures I will have to overcome. All I know is I have a path to travel. I won’t know where the wind will come from or which way it will go. I just know the wind will blow in whichever way it chooses.
And if I play my cards right . . . Continue reading →

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Life Volume 1: About Our Source

I believe in the word energy. I believe this is us and that we are energy in which, exactly like Einstein said, “Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. I can only change forms.”
I believe the body is a container and the rest is us, how we live, how we think, eat, and breathe. I believe with all my heart in the energy of the soul, which is us down to the core.
We are born this way, like this, born as a vessel that stores our energy, which is always constant. I believe the mind and the body and soul is always constant; therefore our energy is constant. We are a sum of this, always, and because of this we have the personal responsibility to choose the direction in which we direct us.  Continue reading →

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Life Volume 1: For Those In Mourning

The hardest part of loss, especially when it comes to the unexpected loss, which happened out of nowhere and the one who passed away, is gone, but to us, we feel as if we have been left behind to wonder if they knew who they were and what they meant to us. This becomes the weight we carry. This is the heavy hearted pain we hold; and we hold this as if to acknowledge our loss, as if to prove our love, and we hold the feelings of our loss because whether the Continue reading →

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Life Volume 1: about my education

Back when I was living at 60 Meadow street when my Aunt’s house was home to me and the ideas of adulthood were still pretty new, I remember resigning a few of my fears about school and agreed to take the steps towards getting my high school diploma. I have always been uncomfortable in classroom settings. I always felt intimidated by teachers. I never liked taking tests. Most of all, I never liked the anxiety I felt when taking tests, which is why I always steered away from the ideas of going back to school.
Plus, I never wanted to Continue reading →

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Life Volume 1: The Music

And the music, God, I swear there has to be something about the music when heartache comes to town. Somehow, in some crazy way, out of nowhere and in the random deep moments, the most painfully sad song comes on the radio to signify the moment and capitalize the pain. You feel every note that plays. And every word to each part of the lyrics coincides with everything that beats in your heart.

I have a few of these songs myself. They are Continue reading →

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Life Volume 1: Recovery

I cannot say when the switch happened or how. I am not sure if I ever have one of the falls to the knee moment and felt embraced by the warm light of God because of a near death experience. I am not sure where the change began, or how, or what took place. In full disclosure, I did not believe in my process nor did I ever consider that I would ever find me straight or drug free. In all honesty, I believe my change came after a combination of events.
I suppose my first Continue reading →

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Early morning Walks

I love early morning walks. They give me time to separate the nonsense on my head and allow me a moment to redirect my energy. And it’s best at sunrise when the town is still sleepy and quiet. For me, sunrise means the sun comes up above an old Church, otherwise known as Old Wesley Chapel which is across from my home. For me, the sunrise comes up and sheds light on my small town on this side of the mountain. The Continue reading →

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Life Volume 1: Perception

Ah-ha!

The following is about the deception of my perception. This is about the way I saw myself and the inaccuracy of my interpretation of life’s events. The paragraphs to follow are about moments when a light turned on in my head. This is about the moments of clarity when I saw life around me and realized that not everything is as it seems.

Up late with my usual Continue reading →

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Life Volume 1: The Early Years

I go back to a time when I was young and in front of a friend’s house. Maybe we were 10 or 11 years-old. Maybe it was the kids I chose to hang around with at the time or maybe it was me just being me.
This is one of my first memories where my life began to switch. We were in a small group and not doing much else but being kids and talking about whatever it is 10 or 11 year-old kids talk about. I cannot say I remember the conversation at all because I don’t. I only remember Continue reading →