I was thinking about a few of my challenges last night. I was thinking about the differences between people. After a while, I started to think about the hurdles we jump and the obstacles we have to overcome. Each day, we have to navigate through this maze we call life. This happens on a grand scale and on a daily basis. This happens to everyone. It’s not just me.
I was thinking about the critics and the intimidation of the crowd. I was thinking about my fears as well as my worst fears which are humiliation, exposure and shame. And then I was thinking about my anxieties and the stressors that appear out of nowhere, which is why I am awake at night to talk to my friend, Insomnia.

This is not written for everyone. No, I suppose this is an effort to reach you. This is not going to be simple. I admit that. I also know this is not going to be emotionless either. I admit this too and of course, this is where people stray. This is where people exit the stage.
I am writing this as an offer to you.
I am hoping that in fact, this reaches you and opens the door that you have decided to slam shut for reasons, which in fairness, I completely understand.

Somewhere in there is the dream machine. Somewhere in there is the child within. Deep within us all is a drive to be, think, feel, taste, touch and smell. There is a need to cross the finish line. There is the hunger to be the one lifted on the shoulders of our teammates and carried off the field in the thrill of victory.

Perhaps this vision might look differently to you or someone else. Yet still, there is this dream to reach a level of greatness; to not only be valid or validated but to be honored and wanted. There is a need for the sense of connectedness that goes beyond just being included. And yet, adversely, there is often a worry that none of this will ever come true. There is often the inaccurate anticipation that somehow or in some way, as hard as we try, we just can’t reach the mark. 

It would be dishonest of me to say that there wasn’t the idea of us against them. It would be dishonest to say that some of this wasn’t fun. The rebellion I mean. This is one of the reasons why it was us against them. I wanted to rebel. I wanted to fight back. More than anything I wanted to be heard but I never had the voice to properly speak my thoughts. I never had the words or the language to explain what I was thinking or feeling. Instead, I acted.

This is why it was us against the world. It was us against the authorities and the people in the town. It was us against our parents, the teachers, the principals, the guidance counselors, the cops, the local government and anyone else in the world that did not see things the way we did. I pluralize this because there was more than just me.

And suddenly, there is the idea of jumping to just get away. There is the idea that everything around us has become unbearably heavy. Too heavy in fact, and there is no end in sight, no relief ahead and nothing promising in the horizon. There is the heavy weight of nothingness, which no one else can see but yet, only you and I can feel it.

The truth is you and I have been plagued by a set of standards. Whether we come from the same place or different, the truth is we’ve all followed a culture and way of living.
The truth is both you and I have believed in the outlines we’ve been given. We’ve been told that this is life and this is how we are supposed to live it.

It isn’t fear of success so much. Not really. This is not to say that fear isn’t there because fear is always there. Isn’t it? Fear itself is neither good or bad. Instead, fear is only a factor. Fear is only a motivator. This is one of the prime movers in our system.
There is no fear of success. There is no fear of crossing the finish line. There is no fear of “Making it.”
No, the fear isn’t about success at all. Instead, there is a fear to acquire and lose. There are the fears of reaching for a goal, achieving it and then losing it.
There are the inherent fears that have nothing to do with success itself. No, the fear is for the effort it takes to maintain our achievements. There are fears about making it once, feeling the thrill and then suddenly we become old news. There are questions like, “How do we keep this shiny and new? ”