Please Don’t Be Afraid To Try

The truth is you and I have been plagued by a set of standards. Whether we come from the same place or different, the truth is we’ve all followed a culture and way of living.
The truth is both you and I have believed in the outlines we’ve been given. We’ve been told that this is life and this is how we are supposed to live it.

We believe in the programs we’ve been taught. We believe all of our biases without question. We have subscribed to the ideas that are supposed to lead us to happiness and success.
Get the right job. Make a certain amount of money. Get a plan. Find a way. Live in a certain type of home. Find a life-mate or a partner, husband or wife.
Have some kids. Have a life that mimics the trained eye to look “As if,” and fit with the culture and customs of a proposed environment. And we believe in this too.
We believe this is the way to live because we have been taught this since birth. Program after program, fad after fad, and trend after trend; we have been taught, trained and programmed to subscribe to social patterns that either dictate or determine our personal success.

There are endless patterns in this world. There are countless ways to live to the best of our ability. Yet, there are ideas that come from years of training that lead us to our belief system. And of all things to change, the hardest thing to change is our trained belief system.
We are used to our beliefs. They make sense to us because our belief system is rooted deeply within us all. This is how we relate to and understand the information and the influences, which are pertinent to our lives. What we think, how we see things, how we view ourselves and others, and the way we interact or interpret life, and how we process and perform are all based on our trained ideas. This comes from a combination of concepts that tell us, “This is how we are supposed to be”.

A man is supposed to be a man. A woman is supposed to be a woman. Love is supposed to look a certain way and life is supposed to be lived a certain way. What if, and I say this with all the respect in the world, but what if the blueprints we were given or the tasks we have accepted were not the plans that would suit us best.

When I was young, I remember hearing my Mother tell me about the way people live. I remember her telling me, “He marches to the beat of a different drummer.”
What a truly amazing compliment this is.
To be free of the restraints of the social norm; to be free from the restrictions or the control of the commonplace life, and free to live, free to choose, and free to be as we are without regret or concern for being different or disliked – what an amazing thing this is.
This is more than brave to choose the path less-travelled. It is more than daring. It is more than heroic and more than amazing.
Robert Frost said, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

This quote alone embodies the truest source of freedom. This quote does even more because this quote encourages us to be truthful to our destiny instead of follow along or be like the herd. This does more because we are not sheep. No, this is not life. This is not living. This is only existing. And we deserve more.

There are countless times when life opens up and offers opportunity. And there are countless reasons why we look away or fail to try. The unknown is something that weighs upon is all.
What will happen? Who will I be if I let go of my old life?
Who will I be when I reach out to grab my new one?
What do I do if I become to afraid to go on?
What will I use to comfort me now that I’ve left my old comforts behind?

All of this is trained thinking. All of this is the mind enslaved by ideas and ritual routines we have compiled to use as a sense of comfort.
What is it that we hold onto?
Where does the fear come from to step out and be unafraid and unrelenting?

Each morning when the sun rises, I look at the sky. I look at the changing color along the horizon. I feel the wind on my face. Most days, I am up before the sun.
I am awake at the earliest hours, even on my days off. I look up at the sky before the sunrise takes place. I look at the stars that have remained there for longer than I could possibly imagine.

I tell you about this, not for your encouragement or approval. This is not for support or pity. No, I tell you this to show the wholesome truth that we all have something inside of us. And it’s just waiting to come out.
I discuss this openly because I have learned that by silencing my dreams I have only fed my demons. And the demons are hungry. They like my dreams. They devour them every chance they have.

There are times when I find myself in the most quiet moments. I feel this thing inside of me. I feel this drive. I feel this child inside of me just hoping and pleading to come out to be free and live. I feel the surge of my dreams and the rush from my hopes.
I find myself in a sense of prayer. Or, maybe this is me interacting with the depths of my most inner voice. I think about the life in front of me. I think of all the plans I’ve made and yet, somehow, I failed to follow through. And there were reasons for this.
I think of all the times I was too afraid to dare or reach or speak or scream, dance, laugh or love. I think of all the times I was too timid or too intimidated to try or step out and dare the spotlight. There were times when I could have taken the stage before and dared the lines to be the greatest “Me” possible but I was afraid. Instead, I turned inward and fed the demons instead of living out loud and feeding my dreams.

I look back at the years I’ve lived and the times I shied away from my hopes. This was all because of fear. I think of the people I abandoned as well as the people that abandoned me. 
I know there is a connection here.
There is a circuit. There is a pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that have been imposed and mapped in my brain.
I have supposed all of this was fact. I supposed all of this was because of something that related to “Me”.
There are different parts of this. And this is me:
This is the id; this is the source in me. This is the internal source in me that seeks satisfaction and pleasure. Yet, this is the ego. This is the part of me that gives in to outside influence. This is the fear. This is the designation of self when meanwhile, life is life, and in most cases, I have nothing to do with life outside of my own little world. Yet, I take this personally for some reason.

There are times when I find myself in the quietest rooms with no other sound besides the ringing in my ears, I close my eyes. I can see these dreams of mine. I can almost touch them.
I can see the roads diverged in a wood. I know these roads very well. I have seen them since I was a very small boy.
I have spent nearly most of my lifetime following a path which I had thought was the only path that was meant for me. I have spent decades, nearly five of them to be exact; living and learning, acting and reacting, feeling, breathing, eating, drinking, and processing all of what surrounds me.
I have lived as I thought I was “Supposed” to live. I followed the path and yet, none of this was ever rewarding or fulfilling to me. It is no wonder why depression has overtaken so many of us. We lived the way we believed we were supposed to. We lived our life according to the wrong blueprint and as a result, we believed it was us that were wrong. But no. Fortunately, this is not the case.
The case is we never dared to live as we wanted. And this my dearest and truest friend is the only pathway towards freedom.

The stage is almost set for me.
Tomorrow, I start a new direction.
I’m choosing the path less traveled by and without you, quite honestly, I don’t know if I would have had the courage to do so.

This is why I love you.

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