Mother’s Day May 10, 2015

I see you now, but mostly in photographs. I keep the ones that look best. These are the pictures of better times and they were taken in better places.  They are the pictures that remind me of when you were young.

The other day, I told the story about the Continue reading →

I woke when the sky had just begun to lighten, but the streetlamps were still on because it was too early for night to end its time on the clock. I looked outside my living room window, which faces south. I watched the red lights that flash on top of a distant water tower, which stands tall above the rooftops of houses in the neighboring town of Continue reading →

I am writing this to you because you are away from your homeland. I do not know where you are now. I cannot imagine where you were, what the air smelled like, or the pain you went through. I can only express my gratefulness.

Yesterday was one for the books. But since you were not with me, I will try to describe it to the best of my ability with hopes that you may feel the way I felt, smell the things I smelled, and saw the things I saw.
After several days of rainy weather, cold winds, and Continue reading →

Warning: This one may seem a little sappy, but if you have followed along before, I don’t think it would be too much trouble to ask you to follow along again. So here it goes . . .

There are things everyone needs to see in their life. Like say, the smile from a grandparent. I never met either of my grandfathers. I only met my grandmothers, but my grandmother on my father’s side was always closest. There are things I remember like a sandwich she once made for me—and if my memory serves correctly, I cannot recall ever having a sandwich as good as the one my grandmother made.
I was young when Continue reading →

I am not sure if you saw, but this morning’s sunrise was a good one. At least it was in my neck of the woods . . .
I know that some of you—or at least one of you will struggle on this morning, and your reasons for struggle are valid.
As well, I know that the memory of our lost loved ones, the mistakes we have made in the past, or the recollection of broken relationships, regardless to fault, or whether the memories are good, bad, loving, or beautiful; they can also be painful and separate us from the meaning of this day. But truly, I say the meaning of today is such that whoever believes shall not perish, but have the light of life.

The same as I can relate to anger and heartache, I can also Continue reading →

I was told service and charity was the best way to cure my selfish, self-centeredness. I was told, “You have to give it away to keep it,” and this made no sense to me.

In a time of falling to my bottom, and in a time of painful confusion, I was told to get out of myself and do something for someone else. But how could I? All I could think of was me. All I could think of was my anger and frustration. All I could think of were the rules I was told to follow, which was nothing more than a contradiction to the things I wanted to do. I thought about the place where I was and how unfair Continue reading →

Did you ever hear the story about the time I stood over a dead body?
I was young at the time.  I was around 19 maybe, or I could have been 20. I was clean in some ways but the life I lived was not one that reflects honesty and clean living. I was sober, but in name only. I was only absent of chemicals, but I was not absent of the attitude.

It was the start of winter and during the height of the holiday season. I went with a partner of mine to a nearby food chain. He and I were going to shake the manager down for a few hundred bucks.
The job was Continue reading →

If I were able to speak to you, I am not sure if I would know what to say or where to begin. I am not sure I would recognize your voice or if you would recognize mine because it’s been that long.
I write mostly. I don’t speak out loud as often as I used to. I suppose I don’t speak because the words never seem to leave my mouth in the right way. But on paper, I feel more comfortable. On paper, I feel I’m able to express myself easier.

I was so young when you left. I was young and Continue reading →

I have not been out to sea in years. I have stood at its edge. I have waded in—waist deep, and felt the curl of its waves on a hot summer day. But I have not been out to sea and gone beyond where the horizon meets land. I miss it this place. Its beauty is more than I can describe.

I often dream of sitting in the wheelhouse or pilothouse of my own boat. The diesel engines hum along as the bow, or front of my ship cuts through an oncoming sea. The boat rises up and down as Continue reading →

I arrived on a greyhound at the bus station in Hempstead before midnight. There was snow on the ground—perhaps this was the last time I had ever seen so much snow on a Christmas Eve.
My trip was as long as it was as numbing. I sat in a window seat near the back of the bus and stared out at the changes of landscape. I watched the snow fall from a light-gray sky, which turned darker as night progressed. I thought about my destination and the future that was about to unfold.

I was 17 years-old at the time and you were 62 at the time of your exit.

The bus was late—so when I arrived at the station, I made my Continue reading →