There are so many places that I haven’t seen and things that I haven’t done. Will I do them? Maybe, who knows?
Will I ever see the sunset from the beaches in St Tropez or St Maxima, or further south at Bormes-Les-Mimosas? Will I ever have the chance to sink my feet into the sands in any of these places, which are more like dreams to me. There are fantasies of fancy names of places that are written in travel columns and make the mind go, “hmm, I wonder.”

I’ll say it again, age is a funny trick. I’ll say that yes, in the days of my youth, I thought that I was funny. I thought that it was funny to remind older people that they weren’t so young anymore. I remember being told by my older friends and relatives, “Just wait and see!”
But me, I never thought I would grow old. I never thought I would have certain conversations with doctors about things so humbling like, for example, I never thought it would be me who sat across from a doctor and heard them ask about setting up a colonoscopy.
I mean, really?

I would like to preface this with the idea that lunchtime has always been a great way for me to separate the day between morning and evening. And it’s not just what you eat; it’s where and with whom. But all of this changed when the month of March came around in the year 2020. Everything closed and everyone was told to stay home; unless you were essential. Even still, there were warnings and mandates and news about the upticks of infections.

It’s amazing to see the differences between them and now. Then again, it’s amazing to think about the ideas of a life before the pandemic or life as it is now, post-pandemic, or “where we are now,” which of course is an interesting thought.

I do believe in a cosmic sense. I believe in the vastness of the sky and that, in some way, there is a purpose for everything.
I do believe in the compilation of our stories and the main events of our lives. From this, we become, we grow and we learn. Whether we move forward or quit, I know that there is an answer. I know there’s something we’ve all been searching for; and more, I know there are times when we passed an opportunity or there are times when we wished we turned right instead of left or left instead of right.

I have been asked about these journals and my reason for why I involve us together or why I personalize this and always include “you” as part of my story.
Well, I think that before I answer this, it is important to explain that yes, I am one of those people who talks to themselves. Not only do I talk to myself, but I’ve been known to argue with myself from time to time. If I’m being honest, I’ve lost a few of those arguments as well. 

In a short entry, I want to express something special to me. First, I want to be clear that I do not blame anyone for my past or my decisions. However, I do say that had I met with people who care for me (like the way they do now) then perhaps I might have been encouraged to keep going or try a little harder and never give up on myself.

I love this. . .

The following entry is written as more of a stream of conscious format. This is me in a sense, emotionally venting but also hoping that, yes, we can pull things together in a way that helps everything make sense.
Either way, the sun will go up and down and the moon will find its nightly pocket in the sky. Either way, the day will turn into night and the night will eventually turn into sunrise. Either way, this is life. Together we are no more different than we are the same.

This here is a little thing about life in the view of an introspective moment –
November, 2022: Manhattan, New York City

It is a day that’s passed the last of October. More accurately, today is the first of a month that draws us closer to the holiday season. I am alone, by myself, and driving fast (to say the least) on a parkway with my mind detached and my body taking over as a form of habit.
I am not thinking yet I am reacting in an automatic sense that my body knows which way to go and how to turn. 

It was a day like today. The leaves had already changed and the trees were nearly empty. There was a crazy little stir in our bellies which would only happen once in a year. There was something to this day called Halloween. There was something about the scary movies and the long list of candies which were readily available except, of course, when there was the stirring little fears of danger because (and I’m sure this must have happened somewhere but . . .) there were always tales of someone tampering with candies or putting pins in chocolate bars. But I never saw anything like that.

Like anyone else, I am simply another human in this world. As a human, I’m one of those humans whose weight has gone up and down. This means my body has gone through changes. I’ve aged some and my healing process is not what it used to be.
Neither is my metabolism for that matter.
I am not here to appeal to anyone for sympathy nor judgment. I am fine; in fact, I’m improving on a daily basis. However, rather than appeal to anyone for unsolicited advice; instead, I am here to expose myself as a regular person who’s been both up and down on the scale.

I’d rather normalize the concepts of eating, or should I say not eating properly. I’d like to do this without shame or without disguising this as something else. No, this is a simple text from a used-to-be skinny kid who could eat as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted; then one day, age decided to show up.