New Year’s Prose

New Year’s Day:

At a time when I needed something most, I found an old bag of mine in a closet that I had forgotten about. And inside that bag was a white scarf that belonged to The Old Man.
It smelled like him…
I have not smelled anything like that in years, but at a time whenI needed this most, I smelled the cologne my Old Man wore, and for that moment, I was able to feel as a young boy would while being held in the arms of his father.

I was able to picture a special morning on the piers at Shinecock Canal. I was able to feel as I did the morning on the golf course at Cantiague Park, and at that moment, I heard The Old Man’s voice speak from the place where memories live, and say…..
“I’m proud of you, son.”

Today is more than the start of a new year. Today is pivotal.
Today, I stand at a line in the sand and decide what I will bring with me into tomorrow.
Today, I realize where I was this time last year and compare it to where I am now.
And because I have lived through this year, my legs are stronger now.
I can walk on my own and there is proof of this in the footprints I leave behind me.
Because I have struggled, I learned that my shoulders can carry the weight of my struggle; I learned that I can work through, I can survive, but better than this; I can endure.
Had I never struggled, perhaps I would not have received the crucial exercise it takes to become stronger.
Because of my yesterday, I am here…..exactly where I am supposed to be, with you.
I am alive and I will always be with you in the places where memories live.

As I stand on the rocks and watch the ocean meet the land, I breathe the offshore breeze, and exhale into the salty wind.
I will not pretend today. Pretending never works…
I will not write a list of resolutions, or create an empty promise for myself.
No…

Today I will stand on the shore where I grew up and celebrate a moment, which is very special to me.
I will celebrate all I have done.
I will celebrate my victories and tragedies, alike.

I may not have much…..but I am grateful for what I have.
I have a small section of the world, which belongs to me. I have a roof over my head, love in my heart, and the words to express my thoughts.
I have the ability of sight and smell. I can hear and I can feel.
I have food….shelter….and I have you

I love you
sept-22-047

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