On a day when I was lost:
I stood on a pier not far from the piers I would go to as a child.
I had been there before, but I was blind then,
or maybe I was too young to see.
It was as though I saw the ocean for the first time.
The sun beamed down and danced between the rippling waves.
I saw something in myself; a reflection, perhaps.
I felt a personal resurrection, and though I were dead in some ways;
I became alive in another.
……I call this victory by surrender……
This is when I gave in:
I set down my troubles and forfeit the battles.
I let go of the envy and the rage.
Like a soldier after losing his battle, I surrendered my weapons and my territory. I removed my uniform and gave in to an enemy that never existed.
Staring outward at the incoming tide,
a quiet wind covered over me and the sun warmed my skin.
In one hand, I held the burden of my doubts, and the weight of my aggression.
In the other, I held my dreams and the desire to be free.
There came a time when I needed to let go.
I needed to let go of the weight and the burden.
Otherwise, I could not move forward.
My yesterdays, like an anchor, would hold me back and I would never heal.
And had I not decided to give in,
I would still be a casualty to the imaginary wars inside my head.
As a small boy,
I watched the waters from that pier and saw the ocean as a miracle.
I lifted my hand, which fit inside The Old Man’s palm, and I felt safe
It made sense to come back.
After traveling so far from the side of my father,
I assume this is where I came to
(to feel safe)
At the crossroads of my own confusion, I decided to give in.
The proof of my history was clear and the answer was obvious.
Only, I was afraid to let go.
I was afraid; who would I be now? What would I do?
How would do I react, or behave?
Or most important…
How do I protect myself without the shields I used to hide behind?
At the threshold of change; I admit to my fear.
My hardest step was the first to move forward
…but this is an example of faith
The easiest is the one to move back
…and that is an example of doubt
The book says, “He that believes in me, though he were dead—yet shall he live.”
I decided that I did not want to feel dead anymore.
I decided that I did not want to walk in darkness—
but have the light of life
So tell me,
What will you decide