There will be times when you don’t know what to do. Welcome to life. Welcome to adulthood. Welcome to parenthood and welcome to the world we live in.
There will be days with no answers and days when it seems like the sky is falling. Or maybe the walls are closing in or floor beneath us is about to give, but either way, there are days when this is very real.
There was a friend I knew whose idea was to move away, into the country. He wanted to restore barns. He wanted to move away, far from everyone and paint the side of old barns.
I was reminded of this yesterday. A friend of mine gave me a small gift, which is bigger than it seems. The gift was a little birdhouse, which she had painted for me.
I thought of this and my old friend Hank. I thought about his vision and his dream to head out to places unknown and far away from the dramatic everyday life. I thought about his dream to paint barns and my dream to hopefully build one someday.
There are times when I need to give myself a vision. There are times when hope is all I have—and I need to be careful with definition of hope because hope is just energy. For this to become reality, my hope would need movement. My hope needs direction. Otherwise, hope can easily become hopeless.
There are days when it seems nothing is right. Everything feels as if it is crumbling down or falling apart. This is life too. Welcome to the things we cannot change and learning to find the courage to change the things we can.
I am not sure if this happens to everyone. I do think most people have their moments when anxiety is at an all-time high. We want answers and we want the answers to be the right ones, as in, the answers we want to hear and not the answers we’re afraid to hear or the answers we don’t like.
This is childish, really. We want what we want and we want it now.
Am I right?
In simple terms, we just want the answers that will settle our nerves. We want to feel good, or better, or at best, we at least want something that will settle us enough to make the anxiety just go away.
We just want the panic to stop; we want the sudden and overwhelming fear to go away. We want our nerves to settle but we just don’t know how.
The stressor is the prime mover in this case; whether it is fear of rejection, fear of exposure, fear or shame, or the fear of upcoming regret or the fear of guilt; as if all the blame is coming in fast and directly at us,—the stressor is the cause and the root of all evil.
There are days when this will be fact. There are days when anxiety is high. This is life. Welcome to the unstoppable place where the world spins most. Welcome to the time when all you can do is breathe, hold on, and wait for the storm to pass.
No one that experiences anxiety or panic wants these events. They are triggered somehow by an event, a memory, a thought or a dream. The mere mention of a person can link one thought to another, which opens up and spreads out like a fan of events, which may or may not be real—but either way this is real to the panic.
This is us reacting to fear. This is our receptors overreacting. Usually, this is an overreaction to a source or a stimulus that is beyond our control.
There are a few undeniable truths that we cannot seem to get away from. First, we cannot make anyone think, see, feel or believe the same as we want them to think, see, or feel. We cannot control anything which is beyond our control. We cannot rewind or unsay a word. We cannot re-litigate the past or call out for a “Do-over.”
Anxiety is very real. As a matter of fact, anxiety is painfully real and frequently misunderstood. And that’s just it too.
We wish we could be understood, as if our world is this huge and complicated labyrinth. Only, it’s not. Our life is just a path with bumps and unexpected turns.
There will be dead-end days and dead-end moments. But give it a minute. Don’t make decisions in times like this.
A good friend once told me; if you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything. Just give it a minute. Don’t push the answer or the outcome you create might not be the outcome you were looking for.
Sometimes you just have to breathe because sometimes breathing is all you can do