One day I decided that I did not want to be held hostage anymore. It came to a decision, which I knew I had to stick with. I was tired of the anxiety attacks. I was tired of the social anxiousness and tired of being afraid of people, places and things. I was tired of living “Rejection sensitive,” and feeling leashed or slaved to thoughts and feelings that had the ability to spiral me out of control.
Continue readingYearly Archives: 2019
The Soundtrack
And then there’s music.
Thank God.
Thank the heavens. Thanks to whomever or whatever.
Just be thankful there is such a thing.
Thanks for the sound.
The Choice Is Yours
I have spoken in front of groups on several occasions and asked the same question, which is, “What stands in your way?”
Of course, this question applies differently with different people. In some cases, this question applies to mental health and wellness.
In other crowds, this question applied to living a clean lifestyle, no drugs, no drinking, no crime, and no other means of self-harm.
In some presentations, I have asked this question to those who seek a better life. In some groups, this was directed to inspire those that live under the threat of suicidal ideation
Whether a better life is to be free from depression, free from the toxicity of abuse, of shame, fear, or free from anxiety, freedom from the thought machine, or to be free from all that we wish we could discard from our life, I ask, “When will it be your turn to have the life you want?”
Mealtime
I look back at the meals we grew up with and the plates of food, which acted better than any penicillin ever been prescribed.
Meals like this are better than any medication and better than any anti-depressant. They are the meals we grew up with. They were the meals we sat through, together, like family.
Remember?
How To
There is a part of success that most people do to recognize. This is the lonely part. This is the part when everyone else decides to quit (except for you) and goes home to rest for a while.
This is the part when nothing seems to fit right. Your endurance is tested. Your determination is tested. So is your patience. So is your temper.
It’s like every step you take is harder than the one before it.
But you can’t stop.
You just can’t . . .
Dream Prose
I want to find myself here, on my own steam, living a life which I created by the steam of my works.
I want to find myself on the Pacific side of our country,
alone, looking out into the vastness of a peaceful blue sea.
Behind me are the palm trees and the Malibu lives,
Santa Monica, L.A., and even the hills,
the big Hollywood sign, the canyons,
and the sunsets,
which are unlike anything I have ever seen.
From The Daddy Diaries: A Letter
I am thinking of you now, young as you are, thinking about what you know and how much things will change for you.
I go back to me as a young boy, thinking about what I knew when I was as young as you are and swearing by the things I believed, which at the time I thought were fact, but in fact, most of what I believed was never really true at all.
Immaturity At Its Best
In the terms of a fight between two people, there are only two options to consider. The first option is the less attractive of the two, which is to lose and lose painfully. The second option of course is the more glorious of the two, which is to win. Fist against fist, skin against skin, two people enter the physical negotiation between them until only one of them stands at the end.
Beforehand, the other option is to walk away or talk this out as adults. But when it gets this far, adulthood has little to do with the options we choose.
Depressive Thinking
It is easy for someone to say, “Just don’t think about it,” and act as if this is easy enough for someone else to do.
(There goes that word “Just” again)
When it comes to depressive thinking, telling someone, “Just don’t think about it,” suggests our thinking is a choice, which, maybe it is or maybe it isn’t. Keep in mind, this is neither a medical forum nor am I a professional with a professional opinion. However, I am someone that has lived with depression, which means I understand the struggles on how to interact with my thinking.
To Live
Remember something . . .
No classroom teaches experience. You can learn all the theories and you can learn about the ins and outs. You can learn about anything you want but nothing teaches us like experience does.
Experience is something you live through. Experience is when all the lessons in schoolbooks and all the theories go to the wayside.
It comes down to what’s in your gut.
The Written Addiction 