I want to find myself here, on my own steam, living a life which I created by the steam of my works.
I want to find myself on the Pacific side of our country,
alone, looking out into the vastness of a peaceful blue sea.
Behind me are the palm trees and the Malibu lives,
Santa Monica, L.A., and even the hills,
the big Hollywood sign, the canyons,
and the sunsets,
which are unlike anything I have ever seen.
I want to see myself here on my own steam
created by my own efforts
with no one to thank but me,
which is not to say that I am not thankful of others.
I am more than thankful;
I am grateful to everyone
and for everything
I just want to make it on my own is what i’m saying . . . .
This is not for the congratulatory comments.
No, this is for me to look back and realize
that every drop of sweat,
every moment I strained, pained, hurt, and worried,
had come with a purpose.
I made it!
I want make this dream I have.
I want to pull off my trick and smile
like the great magician as the crowd watches,
amused, applauding, and in the grand finale,
I can say this me
I want to feel this; the viscera, the body, the blood
beaten through pulses and coursed through the bloodstream
which serves my body.
I want to feel the confidence of my purpose,
standing in the understanding of my path that is behind me
and all which lay ahead.
I want to understand it all; the reason, the waking moments
when I realized, “No, I’m not done.”
and dug deep to find the wherewithal
When I find myself here on the verge of nirvana,
I will find myself free:
Free from the consequent suffering of life on life’s terms.
I can look back,
the Southern California winds gently blowing across my face.
And I feel the warmth on my flesh;
the sun, the holy heartbeat at the center of our universe,
alive and well,
to generously grace me in shafts of beautiful light.
There is no place in the world like the heart of our dreams.
It’s warm here;
warm like it is at the border,
Baja, close to the equator.
I want to find myself here,
swaying in the quiet wind of morning;
the orange/yellow sun pushing upwards,
the warm connection between me
and the sacredness of a dream . . .
I want this.
I want this as much as I want to breathe.
I want this as much as I want to feel free,
because this is freedom:
Free to dream
Free to touch the sky
Free from the boundaries of doubt
Alive . . .
Enlightened; The Godhead
Krishna, Vishna, Arjuna,
God, The Father,
and the sense of enlightenment,
bounded by none.