More than anything, I get it; you want to find a way out from the hole that you’re in. More than anything, you want anything else except for more of the same.
You want to wake up someplace else or be someone else. Maybe the problem is money or your lack of finances cause you to believe that this makes you a failure. Maybe it’s the lonesomeness. Maybe it’s the hopelessness. Maybe it’s a feeling or better yet, maybe it’s an idea that tells you, “This will only be as good as it gets.”
More than anything, you want the thoughts in your head to stop spinning around and adding up, one by one, and more than anything, you just want a break from it all.
You want the symptoms to slow down so you can catch your breath instead of running away all the time.
More than anything, I get it; you want to feel comfortable. You want to be happy. You want to walk outside your front door and not have everything be so painfully intense all the time. Or maybe it’s not this crucial, but still, you just need a break. you need a way out for the moment. Or maybe you lost something or your afraid you will lose something.
Maybe it’s all of the above or none and all you feel is this unexplainable emptiness, for no clear reason whatsoever. Maybe this is you, not at your best, but you want to be.
Life hits pretty hard sometimes. I get it.
Life has nothing to do with being fair. I get that too.
It’s hard.
I see no reason to pretend or be dishonest about this. I see no reason to tell anyone, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” because above all things, depression or depressive thinking is like a prison, and the moment someone allows themselves to be honest and you tell them, “Don’t feel that way,” they tend to feel judged or maybe even shamed, or better yet, people feel trapped in because talking about this only makes it “Real” and that make things really uncomfortable.
Meanwhile, all you want is to be free.
You just want to step out of your life, even if this is only for a minute. You want something to come along and break the tension.
You want to wake up to a morning when the sun is coming up. The wind is fine and the air is comfortable on the skin.
For this exercise, I would like to appeal to your sense of imagination.
You picture yourself, standing outside of a front door. Imagine yourself somewhere peaceful; maybe someplace you’ve never been to but yet, someplace you’ve imagined in your mind.
It is dawn. The sky is beautiful. It’s quiet. There is no one else around. You look left and then you look right. And you take your first step onto the road. The street is empty. No cars, no one else around, and now your steps are adding together, faster, with one foot in front of the other.
You can feel the wind in your hair. Up ahead, the sun pokes upward from the horizon like an orange yolk, spreading color across the waistband of the sky.
Up above, the heavens are pure. Not a blemish in the sky and not a worry in your heart. There is nothing else but you and the road and the ability to go wherever you choose.
Everything that has weighed you down before is behind you now. It’s all in the rearview.
All the angst, all the worry and the tension, all the concern and all the fears, all the unsettled ideas, all the mistakes, all the things you said out loud that never stopped repeating in your mind, all the things you wish you did say but missed the chance to, all the insecure things, all the regret, all the shame, all the unanswerable questions that make us second guess or overthink everything, including yourself, and all the people places and things we need to get away from are all in the rearview now.
There is nothing else but the open road ahead of you. There is nothing else but the new sun and the new day. This means everything behind you is gone.
This means you are free to let go of everything that holds you back. This means you are free to be you. You are free to love and be loved. You are free to forget about the heartache and the struggles. This means it is okay for you to not be upset.
Each step you take is your body giving your brain the permission to move forward. This is your body giving your brain the permission to stop playing the records of your past.
There’s no more concern about rejection. There’s no more worry about who likes you or who doesn’t.
Each step you take on this new road gives you the permission to step away from your hardships.
Each time your foot hits the ground; this is you stepping away from the ideas that drain you from your energy.
Imagine the colors of the morning sky is so bright and colorful and so beautiful that the colors of dawn reflect upon your face.
This is you stepping closer towards your hopes and dreams. This is you, moving away from the toxic background.
Each step you take moves you farther away from the tensions behind you. Each step brings you closer to your best sense of internal peace.
Each step you take allows you the privilege to say goodbye to the unchangeable things like yesterday and the people, places, and the things, which are all far beyond our control.
This walk is your walk towards freedom, —or more accurately, this walk is your walk towards the freedom you have defined for yourself.
You are no longer hinged or connected to the ideas that weigh you down. It is easier to breath now because the weight is off your chest.
You can feel the muscles in your body. You can feel your heartbeat, which is pounding for a good reason. You can feel your body responding to the road, and more than anything, you can feel the wealth from this exercise as you step up and walk away from everything that no longer serves you.
Step away from the heartache. Step away from the pain. Step away from the confusion and the unsureness of your worth.
Step away from your doubt and step forward towards your dreams and your goals.
Step away from all your emotional dilemmas and take one step closer to your plans and your strategy to achieve them.
See yourself, walking away, and notice yourself walking towards your next best thing.
Imagine this vision of you, walking along a quiet street. Picture the surroundings as a peaceful place. As you walk, you find an elevation, which brings you up a hill that is somewhat steep, but that’s okay, because your body is up for the task.
Picture yourself as you make the climb and take to the top of this enormous hill. You look around and all you see is the world below you. And you’ve done it. You’ve stepped away. You’ve taken the steps towards making a decision to walk towards your own special brand of freedom.
I have this vision too.
I keep it with me. I think about the sun which has just fully risen. I think about the sunlight and the way it casts its light across my town.
I think about the way the sunlight hits the mountains that surround my neighborhood.
I think about the last leg of my walk and the success I feel because I was brave enough to allow me the permission to step away and leave everything else behind me.
I picture me standing high in elevation. I can see the mountains around me. I can see the sunlight touching the face of Mother Earth. I can feel my breath prove the miles I walked.
My body is fine. My mind is at ease. I have stepped more than 10,000 steps, which means I am more than 10,000 steps ahead of this thing we call depression.
And now, here it comes.
Monday
But so be it because I gave myself the permission to be ready and step away.
Did you?
The Written Addiction 