This entry will be a little different from the others. Or, more accurately, this entry will be a little more sentimental than the other entries. Either way, what I am about to report to you is what I have found which helps me keep my love alive. This helps me keep my hope that wherever they are, they can see me in a good light and that, of course, they’ll be proud.
Who do you mean, you ask?
Well, I guess I should get to it and make myself clear. . .

The fact of the matter is once you know, now you know. It’s not like we can plead ignorance anymore. It’s not like you can go along, acting the same or doing the same things.
This is why most people refuse to explore and understand themselves. This is why people shy away from the truth or avoid being exposed to the light because the fact is, it’s easier to hide in darkness.

Again, once you know, now you know. You’ve opened your eyes long enough to see the truth – and now there’s nowhere to turn. There’s no way to hide from yourself. You’re accountable now, which means you’re responsible for what happens next.

If it is true that our mind and our thinking is a compilation of memories and events that are connected to opinions and emotions, then it would also be true that our thinking is derived from a series of our past which means we can also become a product of our past. If this is true, this would be where our biases come from. This is where our projections and our assumptions come from; moreover, this is where our judgments come from and where our subconscious programs begin. 

There was a long uphill trail that began with a simple incline before it turned upwards. There was me, of course, and there was a longtime friend of mine who had been hiking for several years. I was quite heavy at the time. I was overweight and unaware of myself or who I had become. I was caught in the confines of a life that became average. I never thought much about my future. I never looked forward to my next project at work.
At the time, my life became a routine. I ate. I worked. I slept. Then I ate more. At best, I was north of the average body weight for my size. I was somewhat aimless and was mainly unaware that this had become me.

And it’s fear. That’s all. It’s a long conversation in the mind that tells about something wrong. That’s what it is. This is us in the world, saying “who cares?” Meanwhile, we find ourselves caught in the wheels of acceptance. We find ourselves looking for a pattern or a path where we can fit and be fine.
I say this because I see no reason to deny that we often turn inward. We blame ourselves. We act first and think later. We want to understand and we want to have answers. Then finally, we come to a moment of awareness.

So, what does it mean to be your best self? The question is simple. Does this mean we get to sleep the right amount of hours? Does this mean that we always eat healthy? Or does this mean that we’re always on time? Nothing goes wrong. Nothing to see here, just keep it moving. Is that it?
Life is easy, right? Is that what it means to live at our best? Does this mean that we can find peace within ourselves, effortlessly, as if nothing could be wrong?

There’s no law that says everything has to be so tragic. Not all roads lead to the harsh side of reality and there is no rule that says we have to be miserable. No, really. It’s the truth.
It’s okay to not be okay. However, it’s also okay to give yourself permission to enjoy life or have a good time.
It’s okay to put the world on hold and step away for a while. Find the right song. Or find a good meal. Find somewhere to go and be there. Be in the moment.
While I grant that reality never goes away, there comes a time when you have to find a moment for yourself. You have to find a way to break the tension.
So you can breathe.

The simple truth is none of us can afford to waste our time. No one can afford another moment where our lives are governed by sources that are beyond our control. And this is life.
This is us on a daily basis. This is the reason why some people achieve and some people don’t. This is why some people move and some people wait. When we face the anxious mind or when we focus on the anxieties and the fears of anticipation, we lead ourselves into the confines of judgment. Or better yet, we keep ourselves stuck in the mindset that “This is it!”
Or, this is as good as it gets.

I began these journals with the idea that someday I’d become a writer. The kind of writer I wanted to be was the kind that you could jump into any story. You could find me at any part and not think that you missed out on anything.
I suppose this came from my first real experience of reading a book, which is not to say this was my first book or anywhere close. But more, I connect this to a time when I was sitting in a hospital next to my Father, The Old Man, and reading a book that was written by Robert Fulghum.
There was no catch or plot or anything more than random stories from the heart. I thought about this for years after my Father passed. I thought about the need to find my voice. Or better yet, I thought about the outlet which is what this has become.

Of course, you know that you can’t quit. Everyone knows that you can’t just “give up” but, at the same time, there are moments when you have to walk away. There are times when we have to surrender to win or give up the fight against situations or people, places and things. We may not like this. We might not like what’s happening around us. However, there are times when the pain from banging our head against the wall is enough. We can stop this now. We can stop forcing or coercing. We stand up and walk away. We can live to fight another day. Or, we can simply go in peace and find a life that suits us best.