I Found (It!) – Entry Thirteen

The fact of the matter is once you know, now you know. It’s not like we can plead ignorance anymore. It’s not like you can go along, acting the same or doing the same things.
This is why most people refuse to explore and understand themselves. This is why people shy away from the truth or avoid being exposed to the light because the fact is, it’s easier to hide in darkness.

Again, once you know, now you know. You’ve opened your eyes long enough to see the truth – and now there’s nowhere to turn. There’s no way to hide from yourself. You’re accountable now, which means you’re responsible for what happens next.

Change or no change, the rest is up to you.
There is no secret here. There’s no such thing as a magic pill or perfect program. No, the square root of our equation is us. We all have our own process and we all have our own science.
This means once we realize our relationships are unbalanced or once we’ve come to an awakening about ourselves and the way we live and once we’re aware of our shortcomings; we have a responsibility to ourselves to make a change and begin our improvements. 
At the same time, this is when people run away from themselves. This is where the truth can be so bright that it’s blinding.
This is where people either run from themselves, live in denial, stay the same, or they face themselves and learn to improve.

Now, let’s get down to the basis of our behavior. Or, better yet, let’s address the inner narcissist and where they come from.
The dictionary defines a narcissist as a person who is overly self-involved or self-absorbed with excessive needs for attention or admiration and validation, which disturbs our personal relationships. This can also be a disorder too known as NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. However, as it is with any disorder, there is help. There is hope and a pathway to recovery. All this takes is effort.

By finding and defining our triggers, we can understand the underlying conditions that motivate us to respond. We can understand why we react or behave the way we do. We can understand why we’ve lived according to our belief systems and we can come to an understanding that our belief system can change.

We have touched on shame and fear-based thinking in some of our previous entries. Here’s why –
The acronym of F.E.A.R is False Evidence Appearing Real. This is an accurate motivation that defines why we behave as we do. This is why we live according to preemptive measures and why we judge ourselves and our surroundings. This is where our defense mechanisms react or why we behave in self-absorbed ways because if it’s not us who look to satisfy (or gratify) ourselves, then who?

In fairness, most of the world seems unreliable. The fears of being alone or being unsatisfied or uncared for by anyone are true to the core. The worries that we might not feel good in any other way is true to the mind. Therefore, we act the way we do.
We operate from an emotional standpoint and formulate irrational strategies. In which case, even if our remedies are short-lived or preeminently degrading – and even if the rush or the temporary fix and satisfaction is short lived to the point of a minute-based euphoria; and lastly, even if this comes at someone else’s expense; to the mind, it is as though at least we had this gain. At least we have a moment of instant gratification. 

I have often regarded alcoholism or substance abuse disorders, or any disorders of this kind as a self-destructive response disorder. I say this because the action or the instances of our actions are based on a need to seek instant gratification and to satisfy a discomfort or an unwanted challenge. 

Of course, this becomes habitual. Next, this becomes the way we deal with everything. Dare I say it, but this goes far beyond substance or alcohol use. This can be food related. This can be interpersonal related and our addiction or disorder can be an unhealthy interaction with people or relationships. 

But when the lights are on – the lights are on. You can see now. You’ve been advised. Once you know, and I mean once you truly know, no amount of denial or pretending can shut the lights that gleam upon us. Once you see this, you can’t say you didn’t know anymore. You can’t claim ignorance anymore. This is why people shy away from the truth.
This is why people fail to bring themselves to the table and learn how to improve – because now it’s work. Also, now it’s about truth, which means now this has become about us, which means all the ego-driven lies or behaviors cannot cover the imperfections anymore. The internal exposure itself is uncomfortable; therefore, yes, the truth hurts sometimes.

Besides, isn’t this what self-absorbed actions are about?
Aren’t we just looking to feel better or to take care of ourselves? 
Aren’t we looking to avoid pain?

If not us then who will do it? Who will make sure our bellies are full or that our emotional senses are satisfied?

We talked about selfish, self-centeredness in our previous entries. Yet, self help programs are derived from a selfish standpoint. This means that, yes, we have to take care of ourselves and, yes, the question “If not by us, then by who?” is valid.
It is our responsibility to ensure and secure our own happiness. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves first; and yet, although our responsibilities to self are not changing, our methods of self-serving practices are changing from self-absorbed and interpersonally destructive to mutually fair and reciprocally appropriate.
There is no more I, I, I or me, me, me. But instead, there is an understanding that we have to be loyal to ourselves and fair to others at the same time. 

Once you know, now you know. Once you see your defects of character, you can’t turn away. It is up to you to improve them – because if not by you, then by who?  

This is why people fail to look within themselves.
It’s because if they do, they’re afraid of what they might find . . .
And once they’ve “Found it”
Now what will they do?

F.E.A.R.
Face Everything And Recover
Or –
Fuck Everything And Run