Just a Thought, Just Because – From the Top of the Hills

I find that yes, it’s true.
We lose ourselves to the different brands of comparison.
We segregate opinions
by the so-called value of wealth
or experience or the lack thereof;
therefore, we put value in places
where we suppose that hey,
this must be best, right?

I have neither traveled long nor far yet
I have traveled enough
to know that I want to see more.
I have seen enough to know that wherever you go
there you are,
which means an asshole can be an asshole
in any language
or in any place or time.

I have neither seen nor touched
or tasted things from distant lands yet
my hands have held the center of attention.
I have held great things in the midst of sunlight.
I have smelled the ocean.
I have experienced the sunset.
I have seen the Hudson.
I have watched the East River come alive at daybreak.

I might not know much,
but I do know this:
I have not gone beyond the boundaries of my dreams
but instead, I have stayed here
nurturing the things that I’ve seen
as if they were warm to me, like the Almighty Mother,
like the milk of the world
Holy as ever.
I have begun my trip into sanity
by planning to be understood,
at least through my own eyes

I have neither grown or shrunk
nor changed and still, everything about us is new,
each day, until the sun goes down.
And tomorrow?
Well, tomorrow will come and again –
it’s another trip around the sun.
It’s another trip into The City.
It’s just one stop on the shuttle train
and another moment between daybreak and the night’s sake
when in between, it’s just another day on the clock.
That’s all.

This is only another moment of indecision
and another moment of reprieve –
or another time to go back “at it”
and get back up or go back down.
That’s it . . .

There’s no need for comparison.
There’s no need to point
or to think life would be better
somewhere else.

Think of it:
All the world loves some of these Hollywood starlets –
beautiful as ever, stunning,
publicized and published as a sight of perfection.
They embody the commercialized version
of romance, lust and love and still,
no matter how beautiful they are or may be,
there’s still someone out there who’s tied of their shit . . .

Beauty though
Beauty is only skin deep.
So they say, right?

Then if either you or I are to be beautiful,
then we have to be beautiful at our core
because this is where beauty begins – from within.

Some people can have wonderful exteriors.
Amazing. Breathtaking.
Some can have all the money in the world.
Some can have all the class that money can buy yet
with all of their external features,
at best, their ugliness on the inside makes them average
or otherwise meaningless; hence
they become the mundane,
the mediocre, ordinary or worse –
just common. 

I have seen enough to know
that beauty has the right to exist anywhere,
even in solitude, even in solitary.
Hell, I can say that beauty has the right to bloom
even in prisons
or even in places that are made of the worst surroundings.

I have seen enough to know
that even in failure or, with me,
even in the drunk tanks or the hospital beds
or down the hallways on flight deck,
where there are no take offs . . .
only landings, which, of course,
I understand this is a less than sensitive way
to define the psyche wards – but hey,
I am not for the sensitive touch.

I understand those who reject my mottos
or turn away because
some of what I say (or I’ve seen)
is either too raw or real or too true to the point.
Okay, so, fine . . .
To those who turn away, I say keep turning.
Keep spinning. Keep closing your eyes.
Keep blind to the life around you
and keep pretending like your frilly little worlds are perfect
because hey, I am far from perfect.
I am far from in-between.
I am far from pristine and far from defective. 
But you can’t say I’m not honest . . .

I stopped trying to be anyone other than me a long time ago –
and since this happened,
I earned the right to stop pretending.
I earned my stripes.
I earned my place at the table; but more,
I earned the right to declare myself
and in celebration of this right,
I have chosen to celebrate me
the only way I know how –
Like this

I used to lose myself to the comparison of others.
I used to lose to the shadows I placed myself in
while standing in the shaded umbra of others
who, in my eyes, outshone or shaded me
because in my mind,
I was either too small or too weak to stand up,
to stand alone,
and allow myself to be embraced by the light.

I have not gone so far or traveled too distant.
I have never left this country
nor have I seen the sun go down in my dream towns.
I’ve never been to Europe
I’ve never been to Havana
or South America, like say,
at the Iguazu Falls
to see the waterfalls of the Iguazu River.
Ever hear of this?
It’s on the border
between the Argentine province of Misiones
and the Brazilian state of Paraná.

I might not have the dashing exteriors
or look like some of Hollywood’s finest
but I’m not average either – or common.
I’m not mediocre.
I’m neither a miserable millionaire
nor a pissed-off pauper. 

I’m just another one
on this trip around the sun – one more day,
one more time.
Once more, until I get it done.

Oh and by the way . . .
I’ve been to L.A. a few times . . .
. .  . I saw the Hollywood sign at night.
I watched the lights from the top of the Hollywood Hills.
. . . . I saw the places where the so-called famous live.

In fact, I sat in a rehab where the so-called famous go.
Oh yeah . . .
Turns out, they have problems too

Just like we do

I stopped comparing years ago . . .
. . . and that
has made all the difference . . .

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