There is no then, only now.
Now that we find ourselves in the fold of something new
or now that we see
something developing right before our eyes,
we look back and wonder about what our life would be like
if only we paid attention.
I say this while looking at the sky
which is changing now from the night time to daylight
and as the stages of color come into light,
I think of the sun on the horizon
bubbling like a yolk in the palm of heaven.
I think to myself
Ah, this must be it –
The Moment . . .
. . . and it’s nice!
I remember the teachings of my Father
and his mentioning of the clouds
or how their formations can tell you about the weather,
which is on its way – of course.
Therefore, he told me you can tell a lot
about what’s about to come,
if you know what to look for.
I suppose this is true. You can tell a lot
about what’s about to come, if you know what to look for –
hence, I suppose this is where we come up
with the concepts of regret; as if to say
“If I only paid attention,”
and so this becomes the lesson.
However,
there is no when, only now,
because when is only a scene
or a moment of possible happenstance
or a scene that takes place in a pivotal sense; and therefore,
if I waited until “when”
then I would forfeit my right to act now;
as in, right now, right here,
before your very eyes –
Act Now –
How amazing are these two words?
How impactful?
How critical and crucial?
How integral or essential?
So?
Act Now-
Could you imagine?
If I could do anything now or
if I could say anything now;
as in, to something or say something that would either
change or alter the trajectory of our lives
and push us out of the atmosphere of unsureness
and into the hemispheres of hope and happiness;
then I would find myself looking up,
smiling at the sky,
thinking about the new dawn and
how all the childish rules have done nothing for us
except lead me to believe
that pivotal words, such as when and then,
or how anything which leads me to be hinged upon an outside source
or an outside substance is only a symptom of our universal problem
We need to be clear and reclaim ourselves; otherwise
we let go of our inherent value
only to give ourselves away
to the highest bidder . . .
I swear –
It’s amazing how the mind has the ability to change
and transform. It is amazing,
the things we forget and the things we retain.
It amazes me how the mind can grasp incredible things
yet so much goes unnoticed and overlooked –
like, you, for example.
You and all of your gifts
You and all of what you do
You and all of your abilities –
to make people smile, to think, or feel,
or to make them weep with an honest reflection of relief,
which is odd to say
because one can only wonder
how does relief make someone weep
Well?
I can answer this clearly –
The reason is this,
in life, we can live and we can endure.
We can follow along the path of the beaten narratives
and believe in lies, mistruths or the misguided leaders
who only know what they’ve been taught –
and then, of course, let’s not forget to add
the misperceptions of self; yet,
when the reflection of truth dawns
and when the light shines on our face,
there is a moment of realization
that introduces us to our true self.
This is when we realize that maybe,
we suffered or endured unnecessarily – or, that in our doubt,
we find that we are more than who we believed
and that in our moments of haste,
we recognized the hours that we’ve wasted or squandered,
meaninglessly because, for some reason,
we mistook our value for worthless
and in the moment of realization,
we recognize that we are worth
far more than our estimations had led us to believe –
and thus, our eyes are open now
which means we finally see
the time we’ve wasted and so
we wake up to realize
that time . . . starts . . . now.
It is true – there is no then or when or maybe tomorrow.
There is no more yesterday
and since neither you nor I live there anymore –
the fact remains that all we have is now,
right here, at this very moment.
All we have is this tiny grain of sand
which is us, shuffling and funneling through the hourglass,
and making our way on this journey.
I have never had as much as I do, right now.
No, really.
It’s the truth.
I have never had the feeling within me,
the gumption, the drive, the passion to endure,
to get back up – or to try again,
and as I confess to you,
I confess that I know all about my fears.
I’ve known them for as long as I’ve known myself
which could be argued too
because without the introduction, caused by you,
I might not have ever known –
hence, I would have never known
myself, that is
Nevertheless
I know all about my heart
which has been broken, sewn together,
ripped open and reattached
to new and present dangers.
I get that . . .
I do
I have learned that otherwise
I can overcome, outlive, outshine
and endure lots of things.
I can take pain. I can bleed and sweat
I can take a hit, a fall and a punch,
if I had to
but for now –
I prefer the war has ended all wars
and so,
the rest can be peace
(if we choose it)
I can win or lose, go or stay, turn around,
change direction, laugh, smile, or if I choose to weep
then at least the choice is mine.
Should I weep, or choose to smile –
then I will have done this all on my own accord;
therefore, my life
would no longer serve as codependent or better yet,
I would no longer be dependent or hinged upon
outside sources
or the surrounding burdens of my life.
Man . . .
I love the sunrise.
This means
it’s time to go
I love knowing that as tender as I am
and as much as I have in front of me;
and no matter what comes,
whether it be hard or soft, good or bad –
something in me caused me to wake up this morning.
Something brought me to here,
not to then or when or to anything pivotal or
dependent upon anything else.
I always say this –
But it pays for me to repeat myself:
I know that somewhere,
there is love for me and somewhere,
I know there is a home, a place without threat,
a moment of awareness,
and a port with no storm.
I know that upon anchors aweigh
I am a sail that seeks the wind,
only to carry me home to where I belong.
I know that the word Havana
is more than something beautiful to the ears;
and I know that while I’ve never seen the shoreline,
I can imagine the warmth of the sun
and the span of the shoreline – oh, and ah,
the sunset, the veranda or canopy with a table and chairs,
a sunset, and a cup of coffee
to see how the colors change the sky –
Yeah, I have dreams.
Ever hear of the Beaches at Veradero?
I have, in books only
But ah, I wonder
What has to happen to make it so?
The Written Addiction 