To each their own and there we go,
each of us, going off in our own direction
and heading out,
on our way, separate from the crowd and unlike the others
because unlike the masses,
people like us want more than just another trip around the sun.
I know I do . . .
I want more than the usual and more
than the mediocre blasts you see on social media
to act out loud
or to act as if and say
hey world, look at me –
please accept me
or tell me
I’m good . . .
And here it is, once more, another day in the life
and another trip on this conveyor belt
which is what I often refer to as this: Project Earth
Here we are with all the plans at our disposal
and all the people in the world,
more than 7 billion of them yet
with all of these chances and possibilities and with all of our resources,
we often find ourselves worrying about the ones that don’t work
or the people that we don’t like
and the resources that fail us –
whereas, in reality, we could have a much better time
if instead of looking towards the resources that fail us
we can focus on the ones that save us.
The trick of the mind is interesting at best
and the deception of perception
is absolutely everything; but to me, I want more.
I want more than just more.
I want to feel something. I want to taste every flavor of the world
and not care if I have enough room to come back for seconds
or need another serving.
I want to enjoy
I want to experience.
I want to understand the contrast between dark and light
and not have this define me; but instead,
I want my understanding to explain to me
the reasons why we quarrel
and how senseless it is to argue
especially when I love you –
I want to step to the side
and get off the line and find myself in places
where no one else goes or dares to look.
I want to find little towns, like unknown and unspoken gems of the world,
and, in my search,
I want to meet people who are otherwise the soil of the Earth
yet no one knows them
because no one dares to care
or takes the time to see them
or look outside of the box.
Do you know what else?
I want to say to hell with the commercial norms.
I want to say to hell with the proposed hatreds
and the standardized judgments
or the coercion of so-called media to incline me
to believe that hate is all we see
and hate is all we know
because, after all, we are what we see.
Aren’t we?
We are who we think
and we are what we say. Yet
the way I see it, we have been taught
and programmed to think, see, look and feel.
And I say to hell with this.
I say that I want more.
And I want more than just more.
I want more than the typical meal and mashed potatoes
and more than the coffee houses
and packaged lies
which we’ve all been fed.
I want more than this. I want more than what we see
and more than the common depressions
and the typical anxieties.
I want more than the anticipatory worries and fears.
I want more than what our insecurities teach us.
And more, I want a voice.
I want to be heard. I want to be able to speak
and be understood as well as understand that yes,
to each is definitely their own and yes,
while I might not see or think the same as others,
I don’t need to argue or debate
simply because someone else doesn’t
see or think the same as me.
So what if we disagree?
Does it really matter?
I’m tired of the social wars.
I’m tired of the social and economical snobbery.
I’m tired of the privileged and the marginalized
and the separations between us,
which only causes us to become more segregated,
to which at some point, I understand that world peace is unrealistic.
I get that we don’t always agree.
So?
I understand there will always be opposition and hatred; yet,
I want more than this
I want my focus to be elsewhere
so that I can dream and build instead of sit at tables
and argue
or bicker back and forth
about who was right
and who never stood a chance.
Do I believe in the words known as psychological safety –
In fairness to the question, my answer is this:
not really.
I think there are too many sides to this equation
and too many different dimensions to this problem
so, therefore, rather than look for an external safety,
I’d rather look towards an internal peace;
in which case, I don’t have to care about who accepts me
or agrees
because from the inside out, I will have solidified myself
to understand that it doesn’t matter who goes
or who stays because from the inside out,
I will achieved the presence of self and, therefore,
I will know who I am
and that after reaching this level of understanding;
no one can stop me from being me.
No one can sway me. No one can deter me
and no one can weaken my strength
because, at this level,
I have reached a level of awareness where
my level of consciousness is not only heightened
but, at last, I have perfected my best
and truest level of understanding
which means that no one can say anything honest about me
that I would not have the courage to say about myself.
No one could hurt me with their words
because, at this level, I am aligned with the understanding of the word truth,
and truthfully, at this level,
I will have come to the realization that no one can hurt me.
No one can lie to me and no one can ever degrade me
because, above all, I know and understand exactly who I am
And, I can say this without shame or regret
and, to me, there’s only one word that describes this
and that word is freedom.
And me?
I want to be free.
And at the same time,
I want more
I want more than the regular standard.
I want more than the common or commercialized wonders
and more than the usual, everyday attractions.
I want to step away from the common
and stand out as myself;
and not to be confused with someone or anyone else,
I want to be more than just me.
I say this to you now, sitting behind a desk
which has changed its appearance to me.
I say this to you now, at the hours
before I have to appeal to the accordance of a time clock.
I say this to you now
before the moments of a daily decision,
to work, to do and to go
and to follow the protocol of a working environment.
I say this to you now because as I look around at the surroundings,
I realize something
I want more.
So?
It’s time now.
It’s time to go. It’s time to start,
It’s time to exercise the mind and build the muscle
which it takes to strengthen and overcome our surroundings
because otherwise,
if we give in, we just fall in line
and act as if.
But me . . .
I’m done with the act.
I want a new stage.
I want more and, yes, I want more than just more.
I want the dream and me,
standing on the dock of some home I bought on Merritt Island,
watching the sun come up,
smelling the salt air,
and feeling a warm breeze which says to me,
Good morning, son.
You did just fine . . .
I want this and yet
I want it all and yet
I want more
And to tell you the truth
This is what keeps me going
Otherwise, there’d be no reason to keep going.
Otherwise, there’s be no deviation from the standard and me,
I’d just fall in line and be like everybody else –
or worse I’d be something which I fear most.
And . . .
Worst is the word that defines this which to me
is a feeling, which to me is the internal antichrist,
which to me is a fate worse than death and to me,
the world would be nothing more than sameness because to me,
worse than anything is the word unremarkable,
as in typical, as in standard,
and similar
or far from note-worthy
or valuable enough to mention.
But that’s not for me.
Know why?
Because in the end,
I want more . . .
And just so you know,
that’s what keeps me alive
The Written Addiction 