What Do You Know (You’re Just a Kid) Ch. 19

I am going to ask you to pardon this entry while I allow for some honesty. I suppose no one really breaks down these kind of topics to us when we were kids. At least, I can say this is true for me.
No one ever taught me about romance. No one ever told me about the importance of life or how to be gentle or how to hold on to a minute because once that minute is gone, it’s gone forever!

I never had a son. Then again, The Old Man has been gone for so long that it almost seems as if I never had a Father either, which is untrue, of course. At the same time, The Old Man is only memory now. He is pieces of my past and little portions of my childhood memory which will surface from time to time.
I view these moments as special. However, and since there is no real back-and-forth or understandable way of communication with those who left this Earth, in fairness to myself, I suppose I had to learn things by myself.

I suppose the toughest part about losing my Father at a young age is there were times when I could have used his help. There were moments when I needed his advice. I could have used his strength or his know-how, or even a kind word or a smile and a laugh.

Then again, in fairness to reality, I cannot pretend that our relationship was perfect. No, there were troubles and bouts and arguments and moments when neither my Father nor I could agree or see things the same way.

We were at odds. Yes.
Then again, I was just a kid at the time. So, what did I know?
As for The Old Man, he and I were obviously different.
However, it would have been nice if he were around.
You know?

I never had someone who could offer me their advice without judgment, or someone who could talk to me, both openly and honestly, or someone who could sit with me and talk without projecting their own thoughts or opinions. No, I never had someone who coached or encouraged me to come to my own conclusions. I needed this.
I needed this so I could understand more about me or my life or about the world around us.
It’s a trip. I know it.
No one ever broke this down for me, not about love or life as we know it.

Perhaps, this is my goal.
Maybe that’s what this journal is about.
Maybe this is my way of offering some advice, even if its wanted or welcomed (or not). My aim is to offer this from an honest perspective. I want this to come from the heart; however, I do not want this to take precedence over the way someone else sees their life.
I want to offer this moment of wholesome truth because this was something I never had.
No one ever put their arm around me to break life down.
By the way . . .
What is life anyway?
Is this it?
Is it what we see around us?

Is life a bunch of assumptions and trained opinions which caused us to make a series of misled or biased decisions? Could it be that life is only mindset?
Perhaps . . .
I suppose, if anything, I’d like to show you some of the things that I have found along the way. I’d like to share my thoughts with you. I’d like to offer this with hopes that perhaps someday, this might be of some use to you. Maybe this can find you now, wherever you are, and perhaps this might put something in your mind that strengthens your heart.

Life is always going to happen.
Nothing can stop this. No matter how badly we’d like to hit pause, call for a “time-out” or look to see if there’s a way to hit reverse, or no matter how much we wish we could hit the fast-forward button, just so we can see what’s ahead (or to see if we made it), the truth is this is life.
It’s only life. That’s all.
My life is mine. Yours is yours.
And together, that makes this ours.

However, my offer to you is simple.
Do not be afraid to make your life great.
Please.
Do not be shy anymore or too cautious that you allow yourself to miss the moments where you could have danced a little or sang or laughed or smiled with the best people you know.

Know that there are only a few people who are absolutely meant for you. Know that this can and will change and that yes, unfortunately, there are people who are only stationed in our life for short periods of time or for temporary reasons.
But no matter what, learn from everyone you meet.

Live some.
Love some.
Eat some.
Drink some.
Dance as often as the music plays and sing as loudly as you choose.
Trust me, this is lifesaving.

Do the things that make you happy.
Do not allow yourself to drown in self-pity or sink below the levels of life, where the air is stagnant and life is only stale or lifeless.

Do not be afraid to laugh.
Do not be caught up in the daily dramas or the side-show occurrences that either degrade or distract our best intentions.

No one was around to tell me this.
No one ever taught me to celebrate my own beauty; however, life can prove this very easily. But rest assured, there will always be someone around who is eager to point out your flaws. There will always be someone looking to tell someone that there is no Easter Bunny or Santa Claus or there will always be someone out there who is eager to point out the tiny details which make you anything else but perfect.
These people are real and around any and every corner.
But I say to hell with them.
What the hell do they know (they’re just miserable!)

Never believe that you are anything but amazing and perfect.
Know that there will be people who will come into your life and yes, they are the angels of this world who come dressed in human clothing. They are wingless, perhaps, and they will appear like normal, everyday people.
They might seem no different from anyone else. But rest assured, there will be angels who come into your life. They are going to find you when you need them the most and they are going to save your life – but be advised, they will not do this in the way that you think. These are the people who will show you your worth and teach you how to save your own life, every day.
This is what builds you as a person and the same as misery loves company; angels can be contagious too.
So, if there was any advice to offer you about this, it would be to find the better of the two and pay this forward.

Just know that love is always going to be around, which I get it . . .
I know this might be hard to see at times because hatred is much easier to find.
Hatred is everywhere – especially on television or on the news.

But know this – there will be people who enter your life. They will be diamonds in the rough, or so they may seem. They will put their hand on your shoulder in such a way that your spirit will glide and your heart will soar.

There will be other angels too – like the animals who we call pets. They are really more because they are the best family members ever. If anywhere, we should learn from them – how to love unconditionally, how to care without needing anything other than attention or affection. I swear, this is a great lesson.

Love . . .

No one ever advised me about this. No one ever told me how critical and how special, how crucial to our survival, and how important love is to our journey.
This is the good stuff. This is the seasoning.
This is what flavors our life.
There is going to be someone who comes into your life and again, please do not lose sight of them because of their looks or what you assumed their looks would be.
Allow yourself to be surprised when they walk through the door and, above all, never forget the first time you saw their face.
Love comes in different shapes and sizes, colors, backgrounds, and be advised, love can come in tiny ways concealed like a secret in an envelope. And the letter is just for you.
No one else.

Do not allow yourself to succumb to the pressures of what love is “supposed” to be; but more, allow yourself to succumb to the feelings of what love means to you.
Let yourself go.

Be this way – in love.
Do not hide from this or regret this or resent what love is or what love may or may not be.
Live for this.
Enjoy yourself.
This is what life is meant for.

Life is not meant for suffering or wishing or wanting and walking with an empty heart.
Feed yourself. Nourish this as best as you can and allow yourself to share who you are, but only with people who deserve this.
Do not settle. Do not waste your worth on anything or anyone who is unworthy of your time.
Life is too short to live in a loveless existence.

Let yourself be assured that there are people in this world who will come along and you will see them, and you will notice them differently from anyone else – and they will smile, and their eyes will glimmer and shine. To you, this will be like the summer moon when all is full and the night is clear.

This will be your person. Let them take this position in your life.
Let them have you.
Nothing in the world can replace this and just know, nothing will ever feel this good or bad if we neglect it.
Find your person and let fate do its trick.
Let this person enjoy you the same as you will enjoy them. Let yourself encounter life this way, in such a way that nothing compares to the feeling or the exhilaration, or the charge in your heart.
Walk hand-in-hand and dance on the sidewalk, even if there’s no music playing because if the hearts are working together, trust me, the two of you can make better music than any band in the world

Allow yourself the range and depth of emotion that even if death were to stand before you and with all of its might; let your love be the strength that builds your heart. Whereas even death is not as strong as you are, let your love grow to the  point where you would defy the face of death itself and threaten its very existence – just because you are in love and no one can ever take this from you.

Let yourself be full.
Let yourself live.
Do not hold back the gallops of the horse in your heart and let yourself run wild – be free, or at least let yourself be free enough with one person – only one person, and let them be the one to show you the light. Let this be your own special miracle.

And sex –

Well, I am not an expert nor am I fit to give any advice other than this.
Do not allow yourself to cheapen this event by giving yourself away to anyone who will have you – just so you can say that you had somebody. This degrades you.
This weakens the soul. All this does is desensitize you from feeling the most amazing and joyous emotion of all.
Do not waste your spirit on the undeserving. When you find yourself in the middle of that sway or that beautiful dance, we call sex – allow yourself to enjoy the encounter – be slow and patient and remember to tease and play and enjoy the courtship.
Pay attention to detail and emphasize the little things. When you are lucky enough to have your world collide in such a way, and when the courtship leads you with someone who is more than just “someone,” but instead, they are your “only one,” then by all means – let yourself go.

Give yourself. Give all of you.
Let your body find its natural path and be advised, their pleasure is your pleasure too – so be mindful and be mutual and, of course, be delicate or gentle.
Be so gentle, unless of course, a moment arises when both heartbeats pound and the horses in your hearts pick up speed, let them charge through the sand in the hourglass.
Let your bodies gallop together, like thoroughbreds, and as their hooves stop the sands of time, feel this. Feel everything.
Remember this moment. Remember this feeling because this is not only a combination of two bodies, no, this is a combination of two lives who are destined for each other and destined to touch and taste and feel one another, like no other combination, anywhere else in this world.

If I can offer any advice from my experience, I would offer that it is best to be true.
Be honest with yourself.
It is best to take care and take note and to be mindful of all that allows your heart to feel this full and rich and beautiful. Never let this go or sour or allow this to become so cheap that in the end, everything you have becomes worthless.

No one else can ever take this place in your life.
No one else can ever fill this position in your life. To be honest, any other attempts will only be imposters, at best. For the rest of your life, if you choose to turn away from this kind of love, then be assured that you will be left wanting.
You will be unfulfilled because, in your heart, you know that you failed yourself because you failed your truths and due to fears and irrational ideas beyond your mind’s control; if we are not careful, we can find ourselves alone and wondering “why?”
Please do not let this happen to you.

No one ever told me how to love anybody else.
Then again, no one in the world could have been able to accurately describe or define the feeling which takes place in my heart. No one tried either.
But I’m not sure if anyone would have been able to tell me things in a way that I could understand.
No . . .
These were all lessons that I had to learn by myself.

I was lost for most of my life.
Misplaced.
I was misled. I was misinformed.
I was misdiagnosed as well by my own self, and according to my own misconceptions, I lost to the misdirection of what I thought life is supposed to be.

I missed out.
But I don’t want to miss anything anymore.
I don’t want this for you either.
I want better for you.
I want better for both of us.
And together . . .
that would make this ours!

I want you to be brighter than the sun and more vibrant than the morning sky, and more meaningful than the beams from a full moon over the Great South Bay.
I want you to realize your strength is more impressive than the twinkle of the stars and more than the cosmic ideas we have about life and fate or destiny. Please, I want you to know who you are at the core – and not who you think you are or who people say you are.
No, I want you to know the truth.
Know that you are an angel who is in human clothing.
I want you to know that your touch is lifesaving.
I want you to know that the same as the other angels in human clothing, there is someone in the world who needs you and your grace.
There is someone who is waiting.
There is someone to love and want you and someone who is truly blown away by you – and know this too: You are absolutely perfect the way you are.
There are no flaws or defects.
There is only a smile when you walk through the door.
But –
Love is more than this.
And so are you.

But take this as it comes, this is just a thought or as I write to you, this is only my stream of consciousness. Better yet, this is only me, unraveling my mind to expose something that no one ever told me about – which is life, love, the smiles we share, and how to motivate the subjects of love and happiness and how to cultivate a life worth living.
This is who you are . . .

I would never claim that I am perfect nor would I refer to myself as wounded; however, and in fairness – my answer is yes. I have wounds. I have imperfections.
I have nothing more than this which is the only thing about me that is perfect – I have a soul and a heart and two eyes to see and one heart which allows me to love.

Do not be afraid.
Love is not scary.
In fact, it’s the absence of love that frightens most people.
It’s the rejection or the assumption that perhaps, maybe love will skip us or we won’t find true love because in our minds, there is something about us that says we are undeserving.
But please, . . . don’t believe this.
Not for a minute.

There is nothing more precious than a tear from your eye because even your sadness is beautiful. This is proof of your heart and the wealth of your spirit. Your tears are wealth, spilling itself from more than a thousand dreams, which you hope that someday – at least one of them will come true.
Think about the words, “happily ever after” and imagine this if it were you.

To be clear, I don’t know what your dreams are.
Well, not exactly.
I only know mine –
A few curves, a soft touch, a gentle stroke of my hands through your hair and the way we combine, or the way we feel against each other; and the perfection of us, even wild or even when life is chaotic or tumultuous and crazy – sure, I know that I’m crazy.
That’s my flavor.
Crazy.

I know that I want love. I know that I want to feel this way for the rest of my life and since love and the act of love is literally the best high, the best euphoria, and the best rush we have in this world – then so be it. Let me have this.
Let me be in love.
Let me straighten up and put aside my own bullshit excuses.
Let me stop myself, each time fear or irrational thinking comes my way – and let me sing and dance, or let me laugh and play, and in the course between now and my own personal twilight, please, allow me the moment to share this love with only one special person.
Let me do this so that I could close out the rest of the world – and literally, no one else would exist or be important.

This is love.
Do this.
Practice this to the point where you can perfect the love in your heart and, of course, before I go, when you get the chance to feel this do not be afraid.
Be gentle.
Be delicate.
But when the moment calls, do not be so reserved that you forget to allow your horse to stride as fast as you can – to gallop through your body like pulsations from your heart – and when all is spent and the final eruption takes place – let yourself fold and breathe and pant and sweat – and then you can rest. But be advised, nothing is better than a repeat performance.
So, be ready to do this again as soon as possible.
Just remember that time waits for no one.
And neither does love.

Never forget this.