Pulling A Trick – Introduction

Be advised that I am not a magician. I’ve never been able to pull a rabbit out of my hat.
I’ve never been much for card tricks either.
But everyone has a trick. Everyone has a talent. Everyone has a strength that outweighs and outshines their weakest parts.
Everyone has a way to pull a trick (or two) and somehow, despite the adversity or the odds against us, or regardless of the powers that be, and no matter what the obstacles are, everyone has something in them. Everyone has a trick up their sleeve. Everyone has a talent or a station in their heart which keeps going, or pushes you, or pulls you in a better direction.

Everyone has a dream. Everyone has an idea and at some point, everyone comes to a moment of awareness, or they experience a moment of clarity in which we see something that was otherwise amiss. We take notice. We wake up, so-to-speak, and then we find ourselves on the way to a new level of awareness. More than anything, we want more.

We want more out of life. Or we want more out of a relationship. We come to a new level of awareness and like the light from the sun, we can see what we have been blind to. We see things in a new light. We realize that change is a must.
We have to go, or be, or do something that facilitates a brand new change.
This is a trick all on its own.
Waking up is a trick.
Standing up and putting your two feet on the floor is another trick.
Sometimes, moving and breathing and not turning away is a trick too.
Life is a trick. But there is no magic. This is not about smoke and mirrors. This has nothing to do with anything being hidden up your sleeve. No, this is about the repetitiveness of daily work. This is about the grind and the motto which proves that practice makes perfect–and whether I am perfect or imperfect, or even if I am the furthest thing from a professional or an expert, the trick is simple.

Keep moving.
That’s the secret.
Keep sweeping back and forth and look for the angles.
Look for the breaks in the clouds.
Find warmth during the coldest times and above all, be unapologetic. Be ruthless, if you have to. Be unrelenting. But above all, be heroic with every step you take.
And with every decision, or with every chance we take, and with every move, and every attempt, or as it will be with every so-called failure or miss, or for every shot that we take, realize that this is the magic it takes to make something magical happen.

How many times have we heard someone say, “Don’t give up” or how often has someone told you, “Don’t walk away,” or “Don’t quit before the miracle happens,” and even though we understand the intention behind this, we understand that this is intended to push us, or to motivate us. How many times have we heard words of encouragement with the best of intentions, and we couldn’t help but wonder, “Do I even have what it takes to make it?”

To make it . . .
That’s another trick.
I think that maybe we need to rethink ourselves.
I think we need to renegotiate our contract, so-to-speak.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is if life has not been working out, or if your dreams always seem to be just beyond your reach, or if you find yourself on the verge of something great, only life seems to humble you, all too often, and you get knocked back or it’s like, one step forward, and three steps back, then perhaps a new plan is not such a bad idea.

I think now is a good time to start over. Then again, it seems as if I do this a lot.
Back to the old drawing board, is what I’ve heard people say.
Most people quit before they start.
Most people never have the sand to give life a real shot.
Most people view failure as a negative and they view this as an embodiment of their true self, as if failure is the leader of internal destruction.
Most people fail to see their struggles are the resistance training to the emotional muscles, which we need to strengthen, otherwise, we become weak and worse, we tend to give in or quit.

We have to show up.
Even when we don’t want to.
We have to dress up and dress for the part or for the role above.
We have to strive to improve and to learn.
No matter what because no one knows the hour or the day.
No one knows when life will be pulled away or if or when someone is going to pull the plug on us, and just like that, life is stopped like a heart without a beat.
Life is not going to play according to our requests.
We are are going to face adversity.
We are going to be told “no,” and we are going to invest heavily and find out that we invested poorly.
We are going to be betrayed.
We are going to be lied to.
We are going to be knifed in the back by someone with a smile who otherwise, walked beside us, unexpectedly, and unbeknownst to us, we are going to experience an injustice and a disservice.
We are going to be misled.
We are going to be confused and you can bet your ass that we are going to be let down or disappointed.
We are going to shoot for the stars and miss.
We are not going to make the deadline, or we might miss the chance to redeem ourselves.

Life is always going to move, which means that we can either find the path of least resistance and accept the status quo. Or, we can take the risk and realize that time is moving, life is just a quick moment, and at the end of the day, we can either face our reflection in the mirror with a look of disgust, or we can see ourselves as unstoppable, and therefore, we refuse the limitations of failure or defeat.
This is a trick.

But then again, this is life. This is how it goes when people tell us, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
And so I am.
I’m trying again.
I might not be trying the same things.
I might not be risking the same options.
But no risk, no reward.
Right?

I have mentioned my ideas of pulling a trick (or two) and I have told you about my ideas about trying to find a way to make my dreams come true.
First, I have to understand that there are times when it is necessary to either walk away, adjust, switch plans, or make adjustments.

No trick is the same.
No moment is the same either.
We have to realize that there are times when we have to remove ourselves from the equation.
We have to pardon ourselves or excuse ourselves.

There are times when we have to pull away and start over.
There are times when we have to realize that the more we invest, the more we lose, and while it is important to say, “Never quit!” or “Never give up!” there are times when we have to realize that we need to change what we are doing.
We have to realize that fate has a different plan and destiny is working for us, not against us, and so, we have to let time take its course. We cannot force or coerce people into loving us or caring, or wanting to be with us, the same as we want to be with them.

Take, now, for example.
I am someone who undergoes changes.
I am changing now.
However, I am facing my own shares of adversity.
I had to make a choice.
I had to walk away and therefore, I had to realize that the results left me wanting or hungry.
I had to realize how I overly invested in plans that were impossible, or unable to come true, and therefore, I had to give myself a new, realistic goal.

We have to open our eyes enough to realize that we can be blinded by our own hysterics.
Our thinking can keep us sick, or save our life.
We can be blinded by our fears. We can be misled by the insecure narrative in our head.,
We can lose everything, simply because of a mental assumption that has been played over and over again. Or, we can envision ourselves in a brand new way.

We can accept defeat and surrender.
Or we can accept defeat, and commit to going back at our adversity, and no matter what, we can fight back until we learn to overcome.
We can try again.
Or should I just keep this on me?
Well?
Then let this be me.
I want to try again.
I want to achieve failure.
I want to accept what “was” and learn to adjust.
I want to be great. I want to be heroic.
I want to see this in myself because if I don’t, I will only be unremarkable at best.

I want to give this another shot.
My life.
I want to find love and see this in a brand new light.
I want more.
Or maybe this is just another journal entry.
Maybe this is no different than my other entries. Or maybe this is “the one.”
Maybe this is the time I get to pull off my trick and see the light. Or maybe this is just another pivotal moment where I get to spark the light of change. Maybe this will cause me to see my life take a turn and rather than watch my dreams become stagnant, I can turn the key and see my dreams, as they come to fruition.

This is only part of my journey.
And this is only a part of my success.
I have moved around. I have lived in different places. I’ve worked for different people, and I’ve tried to find my so-called place in the circle.
I wonder about this.
My circle. . .
I often wonder if my circle of influence is even circled at all—or maybe the lines between us are blurry and the path ahead is unclear. Maybe I’m stuck in a box.
Maybe I am too unsure about what’s to come.

Then again, that’s what they call the future.
I cannot tell the future. I’m not a fortune teller. I’ve never even received a fortune cookie that was so good or so outrageous.

Either way, I’m not here to talk about luck or having the luck of the draw.

I have come here to talk to you about my bag of tricks.
I have come here to explain that no, there is nothing up my sleeve. None of my tricks will be assisted by any props or smoke and mirrors.
No, I want my magic to be real.

As for pulling a trick or finding success, I was thinking about a panel of social media influencers and how I listened to them discuss their version of what it means to be successful.

I didn’t like any of their versions. And just to be clear, it’s not like anyone asks me, but here’s my version of what it means to be successful—

I think we have been led astray. I think people have this pretty version of success. But success is not pretty. I don’t even like the word pretty,
at least not anymore.
Success is gritty. Success has working parts.
Success is not about popular fashions or nice cars, nice houses, no mortgages, a filled calendar, or approval.

No, I think success is like a machine—and the exterior might look nice.
The exterior shell of the machine might look beautiful, like a sports car, let’s say.
But beneath the hood are the parts and the grease, the oils, and all the blood and guts that it takes for the engines to rev.

Success is not about popularity. Success is the ability to maneuver and remain, to endure, and to navigate through adversity.
Success is the ability to stay on the path, no matter what is said, and no matter who says it—success is the ability to keep going, even when you can’t stand or move, or if you’re so tired and angry or frustrated, I think it is important to note that success is equally as big as it is simple.

And there’s more.
Success is the drive and the ability to wake up or get up, even if there was no sleep the night before, and regardless of how tired or how heavy the eyes can be—success is a motion.
Success is a movement, as in constant, or as if to be unrelenting, or to continue, or to go, to do, or to be, and to live, love, laugh, and to learn, success is continuing, even if there is no hope or no promise that victory is even possible.
This is a great trick.

I don’t think success is always a happy thing. I don’t think that my trick or the learning curves or the training it takes to perfect my crafts will be painless either.

Take this journal, for example.
No one cares if I write or not. No one cares if I make it or not.
There are times when I wonder if anyone cares if I live or die..
I have said goodbye to people and heard them swear how they would keep in touch.
But they never did.
No one is ever going to care about my life the way I will (or need to).
In fact, there are more people who would love to throw shame or hurt me, just to keep me down, than there are people who look to support me. More people look to put us down that there are those who celebrate the fact that despite the odds, we still showed up.
Despite the letdowns and despite the tragedies, or despite the suicides and the thoughts, or the attempts, and despite my flagrant fuckups, I’m still here.
Is this a success?
Absolutely.

I don’t think luck or coincidence has anything to do with this.

Is this pretty?
No.
But I don’t ever want to be pretty.
Besides, I hate that word now.

I want to be beautiful
and yes, it would be one hell of a trick, if I can pull that off.

It’s a new day and this is a new journal.
I had to scrap my old plans for my old tricks.
But that’s okay.
I’m here to pull a new trick (or two),
either that, or I’ll die trying.