I see you now. You are a grown man.
Strong and tall.
I see you now and I wish I was there to see you then.
I wish I was there when you tossed your first pitch or played your first game.
Come to think of it, I wish I was there when you wore that surprised look that a child makes when he does something or pulls off a trick for the very first time.
I wish I was there when you learned to do your favorite things.
Or maybe we could have done things together, like, gone fishing and had one of those, “once in a lifetime” talks that only exist between a Father and Son
And son, I swear—
I know there were times when you needed an ear. I know you’ve been in spots where you needed someone to help or tell you to keep your chin tucked or how to fight back hard when you had to put your hands up.
Every young man must face these times.
No one should have to face this without a good man to teach them.
Life is unavoidable.
We all fall.
We all grow.
We learn.
We live and if we are lucky, we have the chance to love someone or something and make this crazy place a little better for our spirits.
I know that you know this now.
I know you had to learn too much on your own.
We are learning as we go.
All of us are.
No one walks into this life as an expert.
And no one leaves as an expert either.
I know who you are and I know how capable you are.
And to this I say, well done.
Yet, it would have been nice to have someone stand at your side.
I’m sure.
It would have been nice to have someone be there to reassure you and say, “no one is ever better than you” so never let anyone stand above you.
Above all, never let anyone get a cheap shot in.
You are worth more than anything else on this planet.
You and I both know this world is an imperfect place.
We know this all too well.
Life is life and life is beautiful.
We know this.
But life can also hurt you.
Life can try you.
life will trick you.
So be advised, you need to wear your “big boy” pants sometimes.
Life gets hectic from time to time.
Life will test you and while yes, I say you have passed every test with flying colors, I understand that no one stood by to tell you, “good job, son.”
Hence, this is the reason for my message and this is why I am here.
Well done, son.
Good job!
I am proud of you
(as if you are my own flesh and blood!)
I need you to know these things.
I need you to know that our paths and our past and our upbringing, and our culture are not the same. Yet, life decided to allow us to find each other, and whether this is late in the game or not, I don’t know.
I can’t say . . .
I just know that despite the bumps and bruises, scars, and pain, I am here to tell you a few things.
You are a man to be proud of.
and you are MY son now.
Never let anyone put you down, son.
I know I won’t.
Never let anyone step on you.
I won’t allow this either.
Never let anyone or anything distract you from the truth, which is you are a champion.
You are a superstar. You are unbeatable, even if you lose.
You are a life in this world and whether this will be easy or not, you have as much of a chance as anyone else on Project Earth.
You have your chance, here and now, so take it.
Carve your name in the seats of life and say, “I was here!”
Make your mark, son.
Carve your name.
Do it!
And do this without apology.
Let this world know that you came in as a child but grew to be a man.
Let the world know this loud and clear and speak clear to leave nothing unsaid or left in unspoken terms.
Leave nothing up to the judges and tell all the critics that yes, “Hell is empty!” just like Shakespeare said.
“All the devils ARE here!”
but you son . . .
You are like Saint Michael, the warrior and leader of Heaven’s armies,.
He is the one who spat at Lucifer for thinking of himself so highly. And, so, Saint Michael, the Archangel, stepped up to Lucifer.
He showed his strength and rage and said, “Who is like God?”
And so, you know what this means; in translation with today’s language, Saint Michael said something like this, “What’s up now, bitch!” and then Saint Michael cast Lucifer down from Heaven because God the Father gave him the strength.
You have the same strength.
I know this.
I see this and yes, I feel this.
Hence, this is why you are nicknamed “Bear”
And the word bear is a noun.
A bear is one of the strongest animals on this planet.
You are strong like a bear and you can endure and move, motivate, build, break or desytroy.
As a verb, to bear means to endure and survive, or to outlive, outlast, and outdo all enemies, foreign or domestic and even within
This is you, my son.
I wish I was there for you.
I wish I was there to tell this:
The things that were not your fault, they really not your fault.
Know this.
And I know you do from an intellectual perspective.
But I need you to know this in your heart.
No one talks about these things.
So, I will . . .
We look around at this so-called perfect world we live in.
We look around at the basic family models, and we subscribe to what we’ve been told when it comes to the natural order of life.
We suppose and assume about the way things are “supposed” to be —and when you and I (or you and me) see the so-called normal and wonder why we differ, we tend to assume the reason we differ is on us
“did I do something wrong?”
Is this because of me?
Was it me?
Was it you?
No son.
None of that is true.
Is it fair that we had to go along or grow up a certain way?
No.
Is it fair that we had to go without certain things?
No.
Yet, we pretended to maintain perfect dignity as if we didn’t care or we portrayed like we couldn’t care less.
But the problem is, was, and the problem still is this: yes, we do care.
I care
And so do you.
I say this because when we really don’t care, then we don’t have to pretend “not to” or even mention whether we care or not.
I call this training
“acting as if.”
I call this learning to endure or to “bear” with the abnormal so that we can make it normal for ourselves..
I say this is normalizing the absence of someone we need in our life.
I say this was our way making this commonizing a way of life that is not common or desired.
But this was our life for as long as we lived.
Therefore, our normal is normal to us.
And still, I can say I wished for a different normal.
Maybe if I was there….
Maybe if I was there to offer a word or a thought, or maybe if you and I had each other, maybe some of that pain that wasn’t our fault would be gone or placed somewhere else.
Maybe our regrettable yesterdays would be nothing more than unthought of and gone, as if to no longer exist and become unobjectionable.
Somehow, the world put me here.
Somehow, the world allowed me to cross your path.
And know this: know that no one in the world will cheer for you louder than I will.
Know this, you are MY son now.
Perhaps we need to make that Father and Son fishing trip happen soon then.
You know?
Stand tall now, son.
You’re doing a great job.
And when the time comes or the dark gets too rough.
Call me.
I will sit there with you to endure the silence or the darkness until the lights comes back on.
Who is like God.
no one.
Who is like you?
No one son.
Absolutely no one
and this is why I am proud of you
The Written Addiction 