Before I go forward, I offer this as a disclaimer.
The following statements are true. They are not all that defines me. However, in the case of stopping or when it comes to dropping the unwanted features of my life, and in my plea to let them go, I have to be clear.
I have to be honest. I have to be thorough and unwavering to the point where my honesty might seem brutal. In the same breath, I exhale with all I that have. I breathe in again and then I exhale once more and continue because if this is what it takes, then this is what it takes.
As for the next part, well?
So be it –

Live like there is no tomorrow.
I have heard this saying many times throughout my life.
I am hearing it again. Except, I am hearing this differently for the very first time.
Just live.
Just do it.
Go. Or live like your life depends upon it.
Live like there is no tomorrow and like our life depends on this because, in all fairness, your life does depend on it.

There is no more time to live and worry. There is no more time to exist and not live life to its fullest.
“Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.”
This was a line my Mother used to type when she was warming up her typing skills.

I am unsure if I am a good man or not.
However, now is the time for me to come to the aid of my life and to not only live accordingly, but I have to live to the best of my ability. Otherwise, what’s the point?

I cannot say that I know much. I am not sure why life happens the way it does nor can I explain how good things happen to bad people or bad things happen to the good ones.
I wish I knew you more.
Or better, I wish I was able to share more of myself with you.
I am simple. I have worries and fears, the same as anyone else does. I can be kind and thoughtful. I can be generous. I can also be the opposite of all these things.

I chose to begin this journal to recognize that the following is true.
Sometimes, we have to stop, drop, and let go.

There comes a time when fights make no sense. Battles do more harm and the riots have all lost their reason. I swear, this is true.
I have come to surrender, I say.
But first, let me appeal to you.

There has to come a time when we realize that it is safe to lay down our weapons. Or if at all, there must come a time when we realize that our enemies were mostly imaginary.
If they existed, we come to find that our enemies existed more in our head than they did in real life.

Imagine the peace if we only walked away.
Could you?

There are some famous suggestions that I am reminded of. These suggestions are very basic and common. But moreover, they are simple and true. At the same time, I have never been someone who likes cliches. I am not one for positive affirmation quotes, yet I understand them, and I understand their meaning or the need for quotes like this.

I have dreams. I have hopes and I have the need for adventures, which I have not taken yet.
And I have to stress the word “yet” as if to advise the both of us that my best has yet to come.
I want to see new things.
I want to go to places I have only seen in pictures. I want to feel the way I do in my dreams when I see these things.

For example, there is a little place not too far from Albuquerque, New Mexico. I knew about this place for years. And there is a little church known as El Santuario de Chimayo or The Sanctuary of Chimayo that is said to have healing dirt.
This place is said to have healing powers.
So?
Why not look to heal myself?

Age 33:
I was on my own. In fact, I was on my own for what seemed like the first time. There was no one to tell me what to do or when to wash the dishes. I was new to the idea of divorce. I was new to being alone and not living with anyone. And this was the biggest thing of all.
I had never lived alone.
There was always someone around, and whether this was good or bad, at least there was always someone there. I was never alone before.
But I was about to be.

There are no more reasons to be consumed by matters that cannot change, like people, places, and things.
No, not anymore.
We cannot give way to the ideas that weigh us down or hold us back. Nor can we strive or move or live a better life if we allow ourselves to stay in the infections of troubled thinking.
And so, I have news.
Yes, something will always be out of place.
Life will arrive on time, even if we are late and even if we stall or beg for more time.
Life is always going to move at the same pace.

I was young and scared. I earned my scars the same as I earned my seat at this table.
And I earned them the hard way. I earned my badges the same as most people do.
I found myself in the wake of my aftermath, and looking back, I found myself in the worry that I might not have the wherewithal to get back up and go at it again.
I can say this about my personal life.
I can say this about my professional life and, of course, I can definitely say this about my love life.

How do we recover from the unrecoverable?
How do we find what it takes to get back up and go back at life with all we have?
Full steam and straight ahead . . .

How do you say goodbye when the pain won’t go away?

I am what I assume is my best version of a normal, everyday, functional but dysfunctional person. I am no different from anyone else who lives and breathes.
I have fears. I have doubts. But I have dreams too. I have love in my heart. I have hopes that come from my soul and, like you or anyone else, I like to see beautiful things.

I have been on a course for a while now. I have changed and aged and I have grown. There are times when I slide backwards or as the old saying goes, there are days when I take one step forward and two steps back.
I have cut my nose off to spite my face or shot myself in the foot, so-to-speak. I have painted myself in corners and have certainly spoken out of turn and out of anger.